


What We Are, Not What We Should Be

by HoldenMGrudges



Series: Newsies High [1]
Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Coming Out, F/F, F/M, First Love, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Multi, Trans Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-17 07:24:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 86,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11846757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoldenMGrudges/pseuds/HoldenMGrudges
Summary: David and Sarah Jacobs are new in town. At their new high school, they meet new friends and fall in love. But it ain't a fine life when the Delancey brothers are involved. Even so, David and Sarah's biggest challenge is to learn to accept themselves for who they are, which is easier said than done.





	1. Newbsies

**Author's Note:**

> For this work, I'll be working on developing ships between Javid, Sprace, and Newsbians. As well as friendships between Jack & Crutchie, Sarah & Spot, Race & Jojo, as well as David & Katherine. Don't hate me please haha.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet David and Sarah Jacobs, who are new in town. David meets Jack in his art class, while Sarah meets him in her chemistry class. Jack and Crutchie have a talk on their roof.
> 
> Edit: Jack and Sarah had biology class, but I changed it to chemistry.

David Jacobs didn’t like this. But it wasn’t like he had a choice. His parents had made the decision to move for better paying jobs. “We need the money,” they said. “You’ll be going to college soon.” Truth was, David didn’t even know if he wanted to go to college. Sure, he was the studious type, and his face was usually hidden behind a book, but it was mostly to make his parents proud. It was hardly for fun. Although it did give him a good reason to decline invitations to parties and other social gatherings he didn’t want to attend.

Except David did want to attend. He just felt very awkward around people. He didn’t have many friends before he moved, and the ones he did weren’t close. He’d never felt like he belonged, and now that they’d moved, he knew he’d belong even less. Starting over was one thing. Starting over when you felt like you hadn’t even started at your last town was the worst.

So no, David didn’t like this. He straight up hated it. It was his first day of school, and he wasn’t looking forward to any of it. His head filled with thoughts of everything bad that could happen. Like his locker not opening. Or getting lost and being late to class, where everyone would stare at him as he came in. Walking down the lunch tables, trying to pick where to sit while everyone spread out so he wouldn’t sit with them.

“It’s all in your head,” his twin sister, Sarah, said to him. “Just relax. You’ll be fine.” David tried, but he just kept thinking too much. He knew it was easy for Sarah. She just had to walk through the hallways and catch someone’s eye. She wasn’t the most popular girl, but she was very beautiful and that made her popular with the boys. Though as far as David knew, she’d never gone out with any of them. He figured it was because his parents were so overprotective of her, but Sarah had other reasons.

* * *

Sarah Jacobs was okay with this. She embraced change. Especially when everything in her hometown bored her. The boys, the girls, the monotonousness. This new town wasn’t any bigger, but it was definitely more diverse. And it was new, which was the important part. Unlike David, Sarah had big dreams for college. She knew she wanted out of the small town life. “You keep your big life in a small town,” she’d tell her friends. “Give me a small life in the big city.” Where she wanted to go, she didn’t know. She just knew she wanted to get out.

Luckily, their new town was sort of an in-between. It was more of a big town or a small city. Not exactly where Sarah wanted to end up, but fine for right now. At least it was a step in the right direction. In two years time she’d kiss goodbye to this town and move on to bigger and better things.

So yes, Sarah was okay with this. She thought that maybe she’d get less attention. She was known for being a party girl, though she didn’t much like to party. She just knew there was nothing else to do. So she put on this charismatic persona while deep inside, she just wanted to not be noticed.

So on her first day of school, she walked down the hall with David, a bright smile on her face, not staring at anyone in particular. As they reached the main office, a girl came out of the principal’s office looking frustrated. Sarah noticed her brown curls and thought she was pretty. And then she looked into the girl’s brown eyes and saw her staring back. The girl looked embarrassed and then quickly rushed past into the hallway.

For a second, Sarah thought of following her, but she was brought back to reality by David, who was trying to get her attention. “Sarah, are you gonna ask?”

It took her a second to remember what they were doing there, and she rolled her eyes as she did. She walked over to the main desk where a woman wearing glasses looked up at her. A plaque on the desk read  _ Miss Hannah _ . “Hi,” Sarah said. “I was wondering if we could have a couple of maps of the school? We’re new.” She wouldn’t have asked if not for David and his fear of getting lost on the first day. Miss Hannah gave them each a map, and off they went to homeroom, which they had together.

* * *

The day didn’t go as bad as David thought. But it also wasn’t perfect.

During PE class, they had to do a lap around the school track and he fell a bit behind. Although they were only required to do one lap, one of his other classmates showed off and did an extra lap, telling David to “keep up, kid,” as he passed him by. David couldn’t help but be a little offended, especially since the guy looked younger than him.

Then, between classes, he accidentally bumped into a group of students. They looked like they were bodyguarding the guy in the middle. He was shorter than the rest, but had massive arms, and gave David a look that could kill. David quickly apologized and he could swear he heard some of the guys growl. The guy in the middle nodded at him before leading the rest of the group away.

At lunch, he didn’t bother finding a table to sit at. Instead, he chose a bench and listened to music on his phone. He looked around, wishing someone, anyone, would walk up and talk to him. But no one did.

After lunch, he had art class. David wasn’t an artist, but it was a required class and he figured art was an elective where he didn’t have to talk to anyone. The teacher taught them some basics on vanishing points and asked them to start on a drawing that would become one of their big projects.

David had an idea to sketch his home town, or as close as he could get it to look like his home town, hoping no one was looking at his bad drawing. Of course, he couldn’t help but glance at other people’s work to see what they were drawing.

Sitting next to him was a boy who looked older and tougher. Not the type of guy he’d expect in an art class. When he looked at the guy’s artwork, however, David was amazed. The guy wasn’t drawing anything with a vanishing point. He was drawing a portrait of a pretty girl with curls. It seemed to be out of memory, as there wasn’t any reference picture near him. David couldn’t help but stare a little too long. Long enough for the guy to notice. “You know I’m not doing the same assignment, right?” the guy asked.

David was caught off guard, forgetting how to speak for a second. “Oh uh…”

“I’m one of the advance students,” the guy continued. “I did your assignment two years ago. Probably still have it somewhere. I could show you if you’d like.”

This guy was being so friendly and David didn’t know what to do except give him a quick smile. “Uh, no thanks. I think I’d rather handle this on my own.” He wanted to tell him that seeing the guy’s artwork would only make him think his own was horrible in comparison.

“Fair enough, but if you want my help, I’m Jack.”

“I’m Dave.” No, wait. “David.”

“Dave or David? I don’t wanna call you by the wrong name, now.”

David couldn’t help but think that Dave did sound cooler than David, so why not make it his official nickname? “Dave…” Or did that sound like he was trying too hard to be cool? “...Id.”

“Dave...id?” Jack looked as confused as David seemed, but he shrugged it off and went back to his drawing. “I’ll call you Davey, if that’s cool.”

Was the name Davey cool? It sounded cool when it was coming from Jack. And yet, David couldn’t help but think that Jack found him weird now. “Yeah, that’s cool.” Jack gave him a smile between pencil strokes. The guy was trying hard to be friendly, the least David could do was be friendly back. “And so is your drawing. It’s...amazing.”

“Thanks,” Jack said, laughing a little. “I’ll be glad when it’s done. She’s my ex so it’s kinda weird I’m still drawing her. We were together when I started it, and then we broke up and I got stuck having to finish this project…”

“I’m sorry,” David said, feeling like he created some kind of awkward conversation.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Jack said, going back to the drawing. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea for me. But I’ll probably give her the drawing when I’m done with it. As like a peace offering or something. Make things less awkward when we see each other.” There was a slight pause before Jack seemed to remember something. “Speaking of,” he said, reaching into his backpack and pulling out a flyer. “If you’re an ally or even part of the community, we always welcome new members.” He handed David the flyer, which read,  _ LGBTQ+ Club _ .

David’s eyes widened a bit, both surprised and excited that this school had a club like this. There wasn’t one at his old school, and when he asked Sarah to start one, she refused because she knew he wouldn’t attend.

“Something wrong?” Jack asked.

“No, no...This is really awesome,” David answered, finally finding his voice.

“Glad you think so. Not everyone does,” Jack said with a slight scowl. “So will we see you there? We meet during lunch on Wednesdays. No need to wear pink.”

David laughed at the joke and then nodded. “Yeah, count me in.” And for once, David actually intended on going.

The rest of the class went by pretty fast. Jack and Davey mostly focused on their work, while now and again Jack asked him about his interests. Music, movies, tv, etc. David tried to keep his answers short enough so as not to go off on a rant, yet long enough to keep Jack interested. He knew it was only their first day meeting, and class wasn’t even an hour long, but David sensed that this could actually turn into a real friendship.

* * *

Sarah’s day had gone well too, though for some reason she couldn’t get the girl from the main office out of her mind. The girl had looked so troubled and Sarah was stuck wondering what the problem was. But everywhere she looked, she couldn’t find her. She tried focusing on her classes to get her mind off the girl. Of course, as soon as the bell rang and she was back out in the hallway, she was back at it.

Unluckily, a couple of boys, who looked like they could be brothers, started hitting on Sarah in the hallway. She tried to ignore them but they followed her to her last class, chemistry, stepping in front of the doorway before she could get in. This was the one thing boys did that she would never get used to. She was about to yell at the two boys until another boy interrupted.

“Really, Delanceys? You think stopping the poor girl from getting to class is gonna make her wanna follow you home? Get outta the way.” The Delanceys stared at the boy for a second, but moved when he made a threatening movement toward them. Sarah rolled her eyes at the boys and walked into the classroom.

As she took her seat, the boy followed and sat behind her. “You’re not even gonna say thanks?” he asked.

Sarah turned to stare at him and smiled. “Sorry, I forgot. Thanks for the help. Though, I probably could’ve handled them.”

“Those are the Delanceys. Maybe on their own they can be handled, but together you never know what they can do.”

“I’ll keep that in mind if they try to pick me up with cheesy lines again,” she said with a laugh.

“You saying cheesy pickup lines are harmless?”

“I’m saying no one actually falls for them. And the only boys that use them are the ones that know they’re gonna get shot down.”

“So you’re saying that if I came up to you and said...Roses are red, violets are blue, there’s nothing in the world more prettier than you...I’d be asking to get shot down?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” Sarah said with a laugh.

“Well, what I’m saying is that there’ve been assault rumors about them. So a simple rejection might not be enough.”

“Gotcha,” she replied, rethinking her opinions on this boy. “Thank you, sincerely.” She paused, considering telling him her name. After a second, she decided to do so. “I’m Sarah.”

“Jack,” the boy said. They smiled at each other before Sarah turned around to pay attention to the teacher.

A while later, they had to get in pairs, and Jack tapped on Sarah’s shoulder. She turned to him and with a mischievous smile he spoke. “We have great biology, let’s do some chemistry.”

Sarah couldn’t help but laugh and look embarrassed at the fact that she did. Jack raised his eyebrow, waiting for her to respond. Finally, she nodded and replied, “All right, I’ll be your partner, Jack. Although I think you got your words mixed up.”

“Couldn’t help it, your beauty distracted me.”

For the rest of class, Jack tried to get Sarah to laugh at some other pickup lines, while she tried to get him to focus on their schoolwork. Still, she thought he was fun and even though she just met him, she could see herself going out on a date with him.

* * *

After school, Jack Kelly practically skipped to his motorcycle, leaning on it while he waited for his best friend to get there. He was feeling a type of way. The same way he’d felt when he’d first met Katherine Plumber, the first time he’d met Racetrack Higgins, and probably even the first time he’d met Spot Conlon, though he couldn’t be sure as that was a long time ago. But he knew the feeling and it brought him joy to feel that way again. His head was so far up in the clouds, he didn’t hear the hobble of a boot and a crutch behind him.

“Hey, Jack…” he heard a voice say.

“Hmm…” Jack mumbled, still not fully paying attention.

“Jaaaaaa-ack!” the voice sang loudly, snapping him out of it.

Jack turned to see Crutchie standing there looking a bit worried.

“Uh-oh. It’s happening again, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jack replied, mounting the motorcycle.

Crutchie rolled his eyes and got on the motorcycle, behind him. “Sure, sure...pretend like you don’t know what I mean.” He and Jack put their helmets on and then Crutchie turned his crutch sideways, slipping it under Jack’s arm, but holding onto it so that Jack could drive safely. He wrapped his free arm around Jack’s abdomen and held on tightly. Jack then started the bike. They were so used to doing this, it was second nature.

When they got home, they took the elevator up to the top floor, where they lived. They usually parted ways, but on several occasions, like when one of them needed to talk, they’d go up to the roof. It was one of those days.

“Alright,” Jack started. “I think I do know what you’re talking about.”

Crutchie lifted an eyebrow and then gave Jack a big smile. He didn’t say another word, but headed up the stairs that led to the roof. The first few times, he’d needed help doing this, but after practicing a lot on his own, going up the stairs was pretty easy. He remembered Jack’s impressed face the first time he’d gone up by himself and strived to get that reaction out of him all the time.

They sat down on a couple of deck chairs once they got to the rooftop, Jack a bit flustered, trying to come up with the words to tell Crutchie. He didn’t know why he didn’t want to tell him. Crutchie had been there for more serious talks. He’d also been there for the talks about Katherine and Racetrack. It was nothing new, and yet it was. Every time felt like it was new.

“So, tell me about this person you’ve met,” Crutchie started, having heard this story many times, and expecting to hear it many more.

“Crutchie…” Jack thought maybe he was embarrassed because he’d had this conversation so many times. But what was one more? “I’ve met someone.”

“Yes, we’ve established that.” Crutchie just wanted to know how similar or different this person was to the last.

“I just...I don’t know if it’ll go anywhere but...this person…is beautiful. And funny.”

“What’s their name?”

“It doesn’t matter.” And then Jack realized why he didn’t want to say anything. Yes, it was because it was a familiar conversation. Every time he started crushing on someone, he knew it would only be a matter of time before things ended badly. Like with Katherine. He missed her, but knew it wouldn’t work out. And with Racetrack. He could have fallen for him, but it wasn’t meant to be. And with Spot...Well, that was never going to go well. “Nothing can happen.”

Crutchie looked up in surprise, wondering if Jack was finally starting to mature and realize he didn’t have to date everyone he crossed paths with. “Why not?”

“Because I ruin everything. I’m a relationship ruiner.”

“You haven’t ruined ours,” Crutchie suggested, turning away when he realized what he’d said.

“No, I’m talking about relationships, not friendships. You know I have loads of friends. You and me...we’re like brothers. I love you in a different way.”

Crutchie gave Jack a smile and hugged him, though on the inside he felt his heart break a little. But that was also nothing new.

Jack wrapped his arm around Crutchie, leaning his head on the other boy’s. “I think it’s time I just take a break from dating and...focus on just being friends. It’s worked with Race and I can see it working with Katherine...You know, once she forgives me.”

“I think that sounds like a great idea,” Crutchie stated. “Focus on you. If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”

“Amen,” Jack said, his thoughts still on the special someone he had met that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to update this weekly. I have a basic plotline planned. Hopefully I don't disappoint.


	2. Clubsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davey joins the LGBTQ+ Club and meets new people. Sarah unexpectedly joins a club herself. Spot aides Sarah after wrestling practice.

Every day in art class, David watched as Jack worked on his art project, and soon, the girl in the drawing was imprinted in his brain. His own town drawing wasn’t going as great even with Jack’s occasional tips. Jack hadn’t brought his own perspective drawing yet because he didn’t want David to try to copy it, even with David’s assurances that even if he tried, he’d be bad at it. Jack insisted he wasn’t that bad and that he thought his drawing was great for a beginner.

On Wednesday, David decided to wear pink. He knew he didn’t have to, but he wanted to come up with some kind of inside joke with Jack. He knew inside jokes were the key to a good friendship. He put on a pink polo and tucked it into his jeans, looking forward to the club meeting and to seeing Jack outside of art class.

After the usual overlapping in PE, he headed to his AP English class and as soon as he entered, he saw her. The girl from Jack’s drawing. Live and in the flesh. If before he’d thought she was beautiful in the drawing, now he thought Jack wasn’t doing her justice. She paid him no mind and instead was busy writing. David instantly wanted to know everything about her.

After a more than appropriate amount of time, he realized he was just standing at the doorway, staring like a creep. He ran over to his desk, making sure not to stare too much at the girl. Though, no matter how much he stared, she never stared back.

Lunchtime came and David had lost most of his confidence. He'd even untucked his shirt because only nerds do that. Still, he made his way to the Little Theatre where the LGBTQ+ Club was meeting and stood right outside, waiting for something to happen.

“Are you going in or are you just gonna stand there?” he heard a boy ask.

David turned and saw a boy about his age, but shorter, walking with a crutch. Despite his disability, he held a friendly smile on his face, which David took comfort in. David also couldn’t help but notice the boy had a pink shirt on as well. He wondered if it was a coincidence, before remembering he was asked a question.

“Oh...actually...I think I’ll just go get lunch.” So he was chickening out. Sarah had been right for not starting the club back home. He started to walk away when the boy spoke again.

“There’s food inside!” the boy said loudly. David turned around, and saw the boy walking toward him. “Our adviser, Miss Medda, brings in donuts or bagels. Sometimes even actual food.”

“I don’t know...I’m a pretty picky eater and I don’t like donuts…”

“Aww, c’mon. The club is pretty cool. We’re friendly. And our president, Jack, is the best guy you’ll ever meet.”

David perked up at the name and had to ask, “Jack’s the president?”

“Ah, so you’ve met him,” the boy said, looking like he was connecting some dots.

“Yeah, he’s in my art class. He’s the one who invited me.”

The boy just nodded and then turned to walk into the Little Theatre. “Don’t let him down then, and come in.”

David thought about running. But then he thought about how he’d see Jack in his next period and he’d probably ask where he was. He didn’t want to have to think up a fake excuse, so he followed the guy with the crutch into the building.

Inside were a bunch of seats where an audience would usually sit, and on the stage were several desks set up in rows. David figured it doubled as a classroom when there weren’t any performances.

“Hey, Crutchie!” came from one of the desks in the back. David looked over and was surprised to see the young guy who always overlapped him in PE. Except the speaker was the boy next to him, who was waving at...Crutchie?

“Hey, Jojo,” Crutchie said with an air of slight annoyance, but with the same kind smile he seemed to have for everyone. “Hey, Race.” The overlapper was playing with a deck of cards and only looked up for a second to give a headnod. What a fitting name. Crutchie walked toward the front of the classroom and David followed.

“Is your name really Crutchie?” David asked before he could filter himself.

Crutchie gave David a mischievous smile as if he knew something David didn’t. “Not my legal name, but it’s what everyone calls me. It’s what you can call me.” David was confused but was distracted when Crutchie stopped and he saw they’d reached the desk where Jack was sitting, doodling in a notebook.

He looked up and smiled as he saw David. “Davey...glad you could make it.” He turned to Crutchie and his smile faltered as he saw his expression. Crutchie had an eyebrow up as if to remind Jack about a previous conversation they’d had that David knew nothing about. Some inside joke, perhaps.

“Davey, eh?” David turned to see who asked and saw a younger, ethnically ambiguous boy with a lollipop in his mouth giving him a flirty smile. “Don’t worry, we’ll come up with a better nickname for you.” The boy walked away to go sit with an older boy wearing glasses.

“That’s Romeo,” Crutchie explained. “He hits on everyone, but he’s harmless.”

David nodded and then turned to Jack to ask him when the meeting was starting. However, Jack was distracted because right at that moment the girl came in. The girl from his drawing. David and Crutchie turned to look at her and David was almost hypnotized. She had such an aura of commanding respect. David still wished she would notice him.

“Katherine,” Jack announced. “Now you’re here we can start.”

Apparently she was the club secretary and took the minutes. Jack started the meeting and David took a seat to pay close attention.

The advisor, Miss Medda, popped in after a few minutes. While Katherine commanded respect, Medda Larkin had great stage presence. As soon as she came in, everyone cheered. David thought at first it was because she came in with several boxes of pizza, but after she started talking, he knew that she was just a really popular teacher. David noticed Jack let Miss Medda take over as she spoke to the students.

“Oh, I see a new face with us today,” she said when she noticed David. “What’s your name, honey?”

David flushed a little, hating that he was being singled out. At least Katherine’s eyes were on him now. He looked away from her and answered the question after a quick glance at Jack. “I’m Davey.”

“Welcome, Davey. I sure hope everyone here is making you feel welcome. Did you have a slice of pizza yet? Jack, get him a slice!” David immediately liked her. She moved on from him and gave them an impromptu speech. She told them she was proud of them and that they should be proud of themselves, putting lots of emphasis on pride. Everyone had a smile on their face. After a few minutes, she looked at the time and told them she was going to let Jack take back over before time ran out. She headed toward the back to listen as Jack got back to it.

Overall, David was glad that he’d chosen to attend, but was surprised that most of Jack’s objectives were just to recruit more club members.

At the end of the meeting, Katherine quickly packed up and left, and Jack looked sad about it. After waving goodbye to a very attention-seeking Romeo, David turned and noticed the look on Jack’s face. “She used to be so outspoken during club meetings before we broke up. I don’t think she likes it anymore because I’m in it.”

David had no idea what to say to that except, “Oh. That sucks.”

“Yeah, it does. It’s not the same as it was before.”

“Maybe instead of trying to get more people to join, you should plan on an activity with your current members.” He realized what he said a second after he said it and immediately wished he hadn’t spoken.

“Like a trust exercise?” Crutchie asked, joining the conversation.

“Uhhh…” David hesitated, not wanting to offend anyone.

But Jack didn’t look offended. He did look surprised, but in a good way, like his gears were turning. “That’s not such a bad idea,” he finally said. “I mean, this is supposed to be a safe space. We should make it a place where people want to be. Even if their ex is the president. Good job, Davey.”

David smiled and nodded.

“And Crutchie,” the shorter boy reminded them.

“And Crutchie,” Jack agreed, putting his arm around Crutchie and pulling him in for a side hug. “Now we just gotta think of what kind of trust exercise we can do.”

“You could pitch it at the next meeting,” Davey continued. “Have everyone give ideas and then vote on them.”

Jack beamed at him and David felt proud of himself. Not only had he joined the LGBTQ+ Club, but he was actually helping out, and he had a friend in Jack. Maybe Crutchie, though it was hard to tell with him.

The bell rang and the three of them said a quick goodbye to Miss Medda before they headed out. As they walked together, Jack chuckled a little. “I just noticed you two did a little color coordination. Thanks for the memo.”

David looked down at his shirt, having had forgotten about the inside joke he was planning. He figured now it was an inside joke between the three of them.

“See ya next week, fellow Plastic,” Crutchie said before heading to his next class, leaving Jack and David to walk alone to theirs.

“Or you can see him tomorrow if you wanna have lunch with us,” Jack offered. “We’re always in Miss Medda’s.”

David was overjoyed that he was being asked to have lunch together. To David it wasn’t just an invitation to hang out, it was a friend request. “I accept,” he answered with a confident smile.

* * *

Every day as she headed to her last period, Sarah could see the Delancey brothers watching her. Other than a quick glance to check, she paid them no attention. Maybe they’d take the hint soon, but at least they hadn’t bothered her since that first day Jack interjected. So maybe they had taken the hint. There was nothing wrong with just looking, right?

The more time Sarah spent in class with Jack, the more she liked him. She liked that he was flirty but never crossed the line. She liked that he let her be in charge of whatever they were doing in class. She liked that he didn’t stare at her too long or too little. She liked that she did catch him staring. She liked that he made her feel empowered. She wondered how many days she had to know him before it was socially acceptable to ask him out. Or if she should wait for him to ask her out.

Every day after school, Jack would walk her to her locker before heading off. A few minutes later, David would appear and they would walk home together. On Wednesday, however, Jack was distracted by something behind Sarah. As she turned to see what it was, she saw the girl she’d seen in the main office.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Sarah,” Jack said before rushing off. But Sarah wasn’t paying attention to him anymore. Her sights were set on the girl with the curls. She closed her locker and followed the girl before she could lose sights of her. If she was paying closer attention, she’d notice she was also being followed.

The girl went into a room labeled Computer Lab, and Sarah quickly thought up a reason to go in there. If asked, she’d say she was there to print out an essay. Of course, as soon as she stepped into the room, she froze. There were four people in the room and they all turned to stare at her. The girl with the curls was standing near the doorway, putting her backpack on a chair.

“Can I help you?” the girl asked. Sarah opened her mouth but the words wouldn’t come out. The girl was so beautiful up close. Sarah would’ve slapped herself if she could see the way she was acting. The same way most boys acted around her. “The computer lab is closed right now. Unless you’re here to join the school paper.” The girl looked as if she knew she wasn’t there to join the school paper.

Sarah wanted to impress her. To surprise her. So she said, “Actually, yeah. I’m here to join the newspaper club.”

The girl’s eyebrow raised, and she turned to look at the other three people in the room as if she didn’t know how to respond to that. Sarah guessed she was the first person to join in a long time. The teacher who was at the front desk nodded at the girl and she turned back.

“First of all,” she said, “we’re the school paper. Not the newspaper club. That just sounds...amateur.”

“Do you get paid?” Sarah rebutted.

“Well...no. But we’re not just some silly little newspaper club. We’re a serious weekly publication.”

Sarah nodded. “Second off?”

The girl looked taken aback, but continued, “Second off, I’m gonna need some writing samples from you. We don’t let just anyone join.”

“Clearly.”

“Third off!” The girl took a pause and offered her hand. “My name is Katherine Plumber and I’ll be your editor in chief.”

Sarah looked down at Katherine’s hand and then back at Katherine. “Sarah Jacobs.” She reached out to shake her hand, but almost as soon as she had a grip, Katherine took it back.

Katherine pointed behind her at the two other students sitting at a couple of computers. “Those are Darcy and Bill. They’re mostly quiet and keep to themselves. You could learn from them.” While she was saying this, the teacher rose from his desk and approached them. “And back in the desk is-”

“I can introduce myself, Miss Plumber.” Katherine flinched a little and nodded. The man smiled and offered his hand to Sarah. “I’m the adviser, Mr. Denton. Katherine may be editor in chief, but I approve everything, so if you have a story idea you feel Miss Plumber is unfairly rejecting, just come to me.” Sarah nodded. “But we usually have the same tastes. Katherine grows on you. Or rather, you’ll grow on her.” At this, Katherine walked away, as if she didn’t have time to listen to this. “If you stick with us, that is.”

“Well, if I’m not driven out,” Sarah replied, staring at the back of Katherine’s head as she sat at a computer, “I’m planning on sticking around for a while.”

“Good answer,” she heard Katherine say loudly from her computer.

“Why don’t you go sit down next to Katherine so she can show you what we do around here,” Mr. Denton said, welcoming Sarah into the room. She gladly did as she was told.

As she sat, her phone buzzed. Sarah quickly withdrew it from her bag and saw a text from David.

“ **Wya?** ”

She quickly texted back, “ **Joined an after school club, don’t wait up** ,” before looking up and seeing Katherine giving her the side eye. She slipped the phone back in her bag and smiled. “Just texting my whereabouts to my brother, but you have my full attention now.”

“Good,” Katherine said. “Welcome to the club.”

“I thought you said this wasn’t a club.”

“Don’t make me drive you out.” Sarah could swear she saw a tiny smile pop up in the corner of Katherine’s mouth. That alone made her want to keep coming.

* * *

Spot Conlon was always surrounded by people. Being the captain of the wrestling team had its perks. Especially when everyone knew he had a temper and could kick their ass if they got on his bad side. Of course, he'd only ever beat up one person, regretting it almost immediately. But it was a very public beating and after that, no one messed with Spot Conlon.

And since then, Spot’s life had just gotten better and worse at the same time. Better because he was offered a spot on the wrestling team, he was both feared and respected, and his mother was pleased with him. Worse because he’d lost his best friend, his new friends didn’t know him at all, and he felt more isolated than ever. As a solitary person, it was great to be able to be alone whenever he wanted to be; as a lonely person, it was hell. He needed a friend.

After wrestling practice, he was one of the first to leave. He never liked to shower in the locker room with the other guys. He was about to leave campus when he remembered he’d forgotten his math book in his locker. He hated math, but he had to pass it if he didn’t want to get kicked off the team.

As he got to his locker, he saw a very beautiful girl walking out of the computer lab. She was followed by three other nerds and their teacher. They said their goodbyes and the beauty was left alone, walking toward him. She noticed him and he quickly looked away, rushing to open his locker.

She walked past him in a hurry, wondering if she was as scared of him as most other girls were. He hated that. Not because he wanted a girlfriend, but because he didn’t want people making assumptions about him because he didn’t have a girlfriend. Spot took his math book and stuffed it in his backpack, banging his locker shut.

He watched the girl, who was farther down the hall, and was about to walk in the opposite direction when out of nowhere the Delancey brothers appeared. And they seemed to be following the girl at a distance. Spot didn’t like getting involved with people, but he knew the Delanceys were trouble.

He sped off in their direction, yelling at the girl as he got closer to the Delanceys. “Hey, baby!” The brothers turned around and Spot shoulder bumped both of them as he passed between them. Spot put on the brightest smile he could and slowed down as he got to the girl. She had stopped, but looked terrified, so he said the only thing he could think of, “Roses are red, violets are blue, there’s nothing in the world more prettier than you.”

The girl stared at him, her face slowly changing from scared to confused, to amused. Her eyes flickered toward the disheveled Delanceys and then back to Spot. She nodded in understanding, and continued walking. Spot walked alongside her.

“Are you showing off for your friends?” she asked. “Because I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’ve heard that line before.”

“The Delanceys are not my friends,” Spot stated firmly, his fists slightly clenching. He took a deep breath and then relaxed. “Wait...you’ve heard that line before?”

“You don’t happen to be friends with Jack Kelly, do you?”

Spot looked straight ahead at the mention of Jack’s name and shook his head. “I know him, but he’s not my friend either.”

“But you do have friends, right?” Spot looked at her but she didn’t look like she expected an answer. So he stayed quiet. “You’re that guy that’s always surrounded by people, aren’t you?”

Spot turned his head to check if the Delanceys were still following them, but they were nowhere to be seen. “They’re not so much friends as they are bodyguards. Not that I need ‘em.”

“Friends or bodyguards?”

He was caught off guard by the question and stared at her. He settled on, “Neither.” They reached the end of the hall and the front of the school. Even though the Delanceys were gone, he didn’t want to take any chances. Those two were sneaky.

Spot opened the door for the girl and continued walking with her. “Are you trying to be my bodyguard?” He scoffed at that. He wanted to tell her this was only temporary and that he wasn’t for hire. “Or my friend?”

He shook his head and smiled at the girl. “Nah, babe, I’m just hitting on you. Hoping you’ll let me take you out sometime. Of course, that was until you told me someone stole my line. Now, I’m just stalling ‘til I can think of another one.”

“You can at least ask my name if you’re going to follow me home.”

He was caught off guard again. “What’s uh...your name?”

“Sarah. And yours?”

“Spot.” She gave him a confused look and before she could say anything, he clarified, “It’s a nickname, but it’s what everyone knows me as.” And as quickly as he thought it, he added, “Maybe I’ll tell you my real name when we go on that date of ours.”

Sarah rolled her eyes as they crossed the street. “I don’t go out with random guys I just met.”

“I’m not random, and you’ve never met anyone like me.”

“Please. There’s one of you on every street corner. What makes you special?”

He had to think for a second before answering. “I’m captain of the wrestling team.”

“Big deal. Every sport has a captain. Try again.”

“I uh...can probably lift you.”

“I’m pretty light. Next.”

“I’m…” He couldn’t think of anything else. And that made him sadder than not having any friends.

They walked in silence for a few seconds before Sarah spoke. “You’re protective of strangers.” He looked up from his shoes toward her. “I’ve heard the Delanceys are bad news. So thanks for scaring them away. Although, they’ve been gone for a while now so...you’re free to go.”

It was true. The Delanceys didn’t seem to be around anymore, but for some reason he wanted to keep walking and talking with Sarah. Maybe he was just that lonely. She sparked some interest in him. “I live in this direction. Besides, I’d like to hear other things that make me special.”

Sarah laughed and shrugged her shoulders. “You tell me. I barely know you.”

He shook his head. “I need more time to think.”

She feigned surprise. “You? Mister Roses-Are-Red?”

“Yes, me,” he replied, looking back down at his shoes. “I’m not used to praising myself. I’m used to having others do it for me.”

“Well, how about you think of something for tomorrow?” They turned a corner and she stopped.

“Tomorrow?”

“I assume the Delanceys are persistent.”

Spot thought again of telling her he wasn’t for hire, but she was right. And he liked her. Although there was some slight hesitation at first, she didn’t seem to be afraid of him. He could actually see himself going out on a date with her. He nodded. “Tomorrow.”

“Good. Now, this is where I leave you, Spot.”

He nodded. “See ya later, Sarah.”

“See ya, bodyguard.”

Sarah walked away and Spot went back around the corner to head to his house. He had a small smile on his face. “Not bodyguard,” he told himself. “Friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed chapter 2! Next week you'll get the beginning of Sprace. It's gonna be a slow burn for all our couples, only cause I want them to fall in love, rather than just instantly being into them. Especially for a couple like Sprace. Anyway, I hope I'm doing justice to these characters. Leave me all the comments on what you like and what you don't like. See ya next week! <3


	3. Helpsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Davey gets to know Jack and Crutchie better during lunch. Spot gets help during math class from Jojo and Race. Sarah learns a little more about Katherine from Darcy and Bill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm a couple days late. I'll explain why in the notes at the end.

The next day, David couldn’t help but feel he was doing a great job of adjusting to his new school. In PE, the kid Crutchie had called Race, completed his usual lap, but just before overlapping him, slowed down next to David to say, “Hi Davey…” with a smile. And then, “Bye Davey…” as he sped off again. In his English class, Katherine gave him a quick smile before taking a seat and huddling with two other boys. Despite ignoring him for the rest of the class, David was satisfied. It was safe to say joining the LGBTQ+ Club was the best decision he could’ve made.

Lunch came around and after waiting in line for a calzone, he headed to the Little Theatre. Inside, he quickly spotted Jack and Crutchie, sitting at two desks that had been pushed together. He also saw a few other kids he didn’t know playing some trading card game he didn’t know, and a few others either reading or doodling. No one else he’d seen yesterday. Even Miss Medda wasn’t there.

“Hey Davey, grab a desk and sit with us,” Jack said, as David approached him and Crutchie. David did as he was told and Jack moved his desk so the three of them were in a sort of triangle. “We were just talking about what kind of trust exercises we could do for the club.”

“He’s been trying to convince me physical activities, like a trust fall, wouldn’t work,” Crutchie chimed in. He grabbed his crutch and tossed it to David. David held out an arm and was able to catch it right before it hit the floor. He looked a bit startled, but Crutchie laughed. “See, I’m good with the physical stuff. I don’t need the crutch to stand and catch someone.”

David let out a small chuckle as he handed the crutch back. “I’d think a trust fall would be too obvious. But I don’t think we should rule out anything physical.” Crutchie stuck his tongue out at Jack. “If Crutchie says he can handle it, I think we should trust him.”

Crutchie laughed again, saying, “I like you, Davey. You got some great ideas.”

Jack crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “Alright then, Davey with the great ideas, what do you suggest?”

“Hmm...lemme think…” David took a bite out of his calzone and then put it back down on the paper plate it had come on. He scanned his brain for ideas as he chewed, thinking about anything he’d ever done at camp or his family reunions.

While David was thinking, Jack took a second to give David a discreet once-over. Crutchie, however, noticed and gave Jack a light kick in the shin with his good leg. David, in turn noticed this and looked back and forth between the two of them, trying to figure out what was happening. Crutchie was giving Jack and accusatory look and Jack was staring at him as if he didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Uh...what’s going on?” David asked, feeling out of the loop. He thought that he could really benefit from a trust exercise right about now.

“I’m just punishing Jack,” Crutchie answered quickly, “for trying to use my disability against me. As if I don’t get that enough from everyone.”

“I’m just very overprotective of you, Crutch,” Jack replied. “Someone’s gotta be.”

“If I fall, I fall. It’s not a deadly stunt.”

“But it’ll hurt like shit…”

“You’re a shit…”

“You’d be the one eating shit…”

“We’ll see who eats shit when we’re doing the trust fall…”

“Not me, ‘cause I’m not doin-”

“What is your disability?” David interrupted. “Like, what happened to your leg?” The other two fell silent and David felt like he’d messed up. He needed to learn to keep his mouth shut.

But then Crutchie smiled. “People don’t usually ask,” he said. “They just see that I have a crutch and move out of my way.”

“Even I didn’t know until his foster mom mentioned it while I was sleeping over,” Jack contributed.

“Yeah, ‘cause you’re a shit.” Crutchie kicked Jack again before turning back to David. “But to answer your question, I was in an accident. Got hit by a car. I mostly recovered but my leg didn’t. But I’m still alive and other people have it worse. So I don’t let it define me.”

David nodded in understanding. “But you still call yourself Crutchie.”

“I didn’t start that shit,” he responded with a laugh.

Jack covered his face with his hand and mumbled, “Kick me again.” Crutchie did so, but not as hard. “I thought it’d be a cute nickname. Better than ‘Crutch Boy’ or ‘He-Who-Must-Have-The-Crutch.’”

“You could’ve called me by my actual name. But of course, Crutchie stuck. I wear it as a badge of honor. And it makes people wonder if it’s my real name.”

The three laughed and then David asked, “What is your real name?”

Crutchie smirked and shook his head, “That’s something you’ll have to figure out on your own, Davey..”

David nodded and then remembered he was supposed to be thinking of ideas for the club. He continued eating his calzone.

“What about you, Davey? What’s your story?” Jack asked.

David shrugged with a nervous smile. “I don’t know...I’m just Davey.”

“But what makes you special?” This came from Crutchie.

“Oh uh…” Whenever he was asked this question, he always went to his go-to list of interesting David facts. “I can play the piano...I’m a Ravenclaw...but House Lannister...I’m a twin, but not identical-”

“You’re a twin?” the other two boys asked in unison, curious to learn more.

“Yeah, figures that’s the most interesting thing about me,” David replied with a snort.

“That’s not true,” Jack said, as if he knew something about David that he didn’t. “You’re in our LGBTQ+ Club which is interesting on its own.” David nodded in agreement. “Which uh...letter do you belong to?” 

David raised an eyebrow in confusion while Crutchie rolled his eyes. “He means, are you gay, bi, trans, queer...plus?”

“Oh,” David responded and then thought for a few seconds. “I guess queer. I know I’m not straight, that’s all I know.”

“Cool,” Jack said with a smile. “I’m a proud bisexual.”

“And I’m straight...up guh-guh-gayyyyy.”

The three laughed again and continued talking until the end of lunch, when David remembered, “Oh, shoot, I forgot we were supposed to be thinking of trust activities for the club.”

“We can brainstorm some more in art class, but…” Jack took out his notebook, wrote something, and ripped the page out, handing it to David. It was a phone number. “You can also text me with ideas.”

“Oh okay, cool,” David replied. The three got up and headed out of the Little Theatre. Before Crutchie could walk off to his class, David called out to him. “Hey, do you wanna...maybe...give me your number too? Wouldn’t wanna keep you out of the loop.”

Crutchie grinned widely and nodded. He wrote his number down on the piece of paper and then they went their separate ways. David smiled. Now he had two friends.

* * *

Spot wasn’t bad at math. In fact, he’d been the first kid in his third grade class to learn all his timetables. But he wasn’t in third grade anymore, and he wasn’t learning his timetables. Statistics and probability was much harder than he thought it was going to be. He thought it was all about percentages and fractions, but what he got was so much more confusing than that.

He was in class, scratching at his chin, trying to figure out the problem the class had been given. It didn’t seem hard but as he looked around the class, everyone seemed to have a different answer. But he couldn’t ask for help. He was Spot Conlon. He was never helpless. He looked over the problem again but still didn’t understand how some people were arriving at a different solution than the obvious one.

“You need help there, Spot?” came the friendly voice of Jojo. Jojo was pretty special to Spot because he was another one of the few people that wasn’t afraid of him. Not that Spot had ever threatened to hurt Jojo. The kid was too sweet to ever want to harm. He was funny too, which didn’t hurt. And he was a great teammate to have, cheering people on at not just every match, but every practice as well.

So when Jojo asked him if he needed help, he knew he was in good hands. He trusted Jojo. “Yeah, man. I don’t get it. I mean, the answer’s one-half, right?”

“Actually, it’s two-thirds.” Jojo took a second to double check his paper. “Yeah, two-thirds.”

“But how?” Now that he’d gotten confirmation that his answer was wrong, Spot needed to know how. He wasn’t satisfied with just the answer.

“Uh...I forgot. Hold up.” Jojo turned around to the desk behind him to ask his friend. Spot had seen him before, running around the school track like he was Usain Bolt. He’d been impressed, but didn’t think more about him. Now, he had to because the guy had turned his head to stare at Spot. Jojo turned back to Spot as well, and said, “Race here is gonna show you how you get the right answer.”

Spot waited while Race hesitated. He’d obviously heard about Spot’s reputation. But after a few seconds, he began to talk, trying to explain to Spot why the answer was two-thirds using mathematical terms. Suffice it to say that Spot still wasn’t understanding.

“Okay, so you have three boxes, right?” Race spoke. “And each box has two drawers, right? And each drawer has a coin.”

Maybe it was the way Race was talking to him, or maybe it was the fact that he was fed up with the problem, but Spot was not having it. “Yeah, I’m not stupid. You don’t have to talk down to me like I don’t know what the scenario is. I know what the scenario is.” He ran his fingers through his hair, getting a good grip.

Race went silent and looked down at his piece of paper. He hadn’t meant to offend Spot. In fact, he was aiming for the opposite. Sure, in class he was safe, but who knew what Spot could do to him after school. His only hope was running fast enough, but he didn’t know how fast Spot could run.

Jojo looked back and forth between Race and Spot and then giggled. “Go on, Race. Don’t mind Spot. He’s like this all the time.”

The other two boys made eye contact and Spot nodded. Race straightened up and continued. “Alright, so you pick a box and open up a drawer at random. It has a gold coin inside.”

Spot knew each box was different. One had two gold coins, another had two silver coins, and the last one had one gold and one silver. The question was, what was the probability of the second drawer also having a gold coin?

Race went on. “So you’d think, it could only be one of two options, right? The box you picked can’t be the one with two silver coins, so it must be one of the other two. Which means that the second drawer will either have a gold coin or a silver coin, making the probability of the second coin being gold one-half. Well that’s wrong.”

Spot took a deep breath, making a conscious decision not to bang his fist on his desk. This kid was telling him what he already knew.

“Okay, okay. So let’s start with the first coin instead of going directly to the second one. Out of the six coins, how many are gold?”

Spot glanced at Jojo, who looked like he was enjoying himself. “Three,” Jojo replied, and Spot rolled his eyes.

“Right. So the first coin you pick will be any of those three coins. Which means for the second coin there will be three possibilities.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Spot interrupted. “How?”

Race paused for a second as he thought. He took a pencil and placed it into his mouth, holding it as if it were a cigar. After a few seconds, he took a piece of paper and drew three boxes. In each box he drew two circles and then labeled each of them with either G for gold or S for silver. He then crossed out the box with the two S circles.

“So,” Race started again, pointing to the box with one gold coin and one silver. “If you picked this gold coin, then the second coin would be silver. That’s one possibility.” He then pointed at the first G in the other box. “If you pick this gold coin first, then the second one would be gold. That’s your second possibility.” He moved his finger to the second G in the box. “But let’s say you picked this gold coin first instead. Then your second coin would still be gold, but you’d have a third possibility.”

Spot’s eyebrows raised in understanding.

“Therefore, the probability of your second coin being gold would be two out of three possibilities.”

“Two-thirds,” Spot stated as his lip curled into a smile. He didn’t notice Race perk up at this, but Jojo did.

“That’s right!” Jojo pat Race on the back. “Now I remember. See, Spot, I told you it was two-thirds.”

Spot was too distracted writing down the explanation to say anything. Race gave Jojo a quick smile before going back to his own work.

“Isn’t Race a genius?”

“I wouldn’t call me a genius. You can google the answer and get a better explanation.”

“Yeah, but we didn’t need to ‘cause we have you.”

Spot finally finished and looked up. His smile was gone, but he gave Race a nod of gratitude. Race would’ve been satisfied with that, but then Spot followed through verbally. “Thanks, man.”

Race relaxed a little, realizing Spot wasn’t the bully he’d been led to believe he was. He’d been afraid to talk to him all year long because of the stories he’d heard about him. But now maybe Spot Conlon could be his friend. Or at least someone who wouldn’t beat him up. “Mhm,” he replied, giving Spot a nod right back, and then one to Jojo.

Jojo was all smiles. He lived not only for making friends, but for making his friends become friends with his other friends. He was like a friendship wingman. So it shouldn’t have been a surprise when he said, “We should start a study group.”

Immediately, Spot and Race looked at Jojo and then at each other. It was really up to Spot to decide. “Yeah, maybe,” he decided. It might as well have been a no. He already had a lot to worry about with wrestling, and he didn’t want to add a whole study group to his list of responsibilities.

The other two nodded and went back to their work. It wasn’t until near the end of class, when their teacher was passing back their latest test results, that they spoke again. Race had gotten an A, as he always did. Jojo got a B, which he was proud of. And Spot got a D, the last grade he wanted. He might as well have gotten an F.

“Alright,” he said, turning to face Jojo and Race. “Let’s start a study group.” Jojo did a little victory fist pump while Race looked up in surprise.

“We can meet at my place,” Jojo said. “I can have snacks ready and all that.”

“Sounds good,” Spot replied. “Text me your address.”

The three made arrangements to meet that weekend, and thus the Stats and Probs Study Group was born.

* * *

Sarah had collected as much as she could the night before. Old essays, class assignments, and even some diary entries that she felt were really good pieces of writing. She put them all in a folder, thinking Katherine would take it home and read each piece in her free time.

She was so nervous about what Katherine would think, that she was barely paying attention in her last class. Her usual thoughts about Jack were nowhere to be seen, though he didn’t seem to mind. He seemed giddily distracted.

When Sarah got to the computer lab after school and handed her folder to Katherine, she surprisingly began reading then and there. Skimming, more like. She’d move on to the next piece after a few seconds, giving a few nods of approval and even some quick chuckles at the diary entries. About halfway through the stack, she handed it back.

“You didn’t read everything.”

“I don’t need to. You’re qualified. Some of that stuff was actually pretty good.” Katherine went back to her computer where she was editing an article. “Also, I have more important things to do.”

"What can I do to help?" The day before she'd been shown around and explained most of what they do. Everyone wrote at least one article with at least one picture, though from one of the sample newspapers Sarah had seen, it was clear Katherine wrote most articles. She was also in charge of editing every article. Darcy and Bill helped print out the papers and distribute them every Friday morning, which happened to be the next day. And Mr. Denton looked over everything to make sure it was PG and PC. So far, Sarah didn't have any job in the club, so she was just there to help in any way she could.

"Nothing right now," Katherine responded, brushing her off. "Go see if Darcy and Bill need anything."

Sarah was a little disappointed but she knew the girl didn't need any distractions. Darcy and Bill were sitting together talking with Mr. Denton. As she approached, the teacher saw the folder in her hand and gave her an amused smile. "You know, you didn't actually need to bring in any writing samples. You're in the club no matter what Katherine has to say about it."

"She's just so in charge," Sarah said, putting the folder in her backpack. "She's inspiring. I wanted to impress her."

"And was she impressed?" Denton asked. Darcy and Bill looked at her in anticipation.

"She said some of my stuff was pretty good." The boys nodded as if they'd expected that.

Mr. Denton just smiled. "That's a good sign. Katherine likes to go on rants when she reads bad writing."

"I wonder what she'd say about great writing. If I was pretty good, my brother would probably be amazing."

"You should have him join then," Denton said. "We're always looking for writers."

"I'll ask him, but he's not really the joining type."

Denton soon went back to his desk to do some of his own work and Sarah stayed with the two boys. "So what are we up to right now?"

"Waiting for Katherine to finish editing, basically," answered one of the boys. Sarah didn't think she'd be able to remember which was which, but as she saw that each was wearing similar clothes to what they'd been wearing the day before, she deduced that the one who had just spoken was Darcy. He had on a dress shirt tucked into his khaki pants and his hair was neatly combed. The other boy had on a superhero shirt.

"When she's done," Bill said, "we arrange everything on the template, print out a bunch of copies, and tomorrow morning we release it."

"She lets you arrange the paper?" She would've figured Katherine would be in charge of everything.

Darcy replied, "Mr. Denton felt she had too many responsibilities and we not enough, so we do it now."

"But we still ask Katherine for help with it," Bill whispered. "When Denton's not around."

"Of course," Sarah said, nodding. "So you guys hang out with her outside of the club?"

Darcy shook his head, but Bill nodded. They looked at each other and then Darcy explained. "We have English class with her, but we only ever talk about the paper. If it's not about that, she's not really interested."

"We've never hung out with her outside of school," Bill added.

"Well, except that one time she asked me to walk her home because the Delancey brothers were being creeps. But that was only one time."

"Does she have any friends outside of the paper?" Sarah couldn't imagine anyone being so obsessed with one thing.

Bill responded, "Not sure. At school she spends her free time either writing or interviewing people for articles. I know she wants to be a journalist someday."

Katherine seemed almost as antisocial as David, but Darcy and Bill didn't seem to know anything about her outside of school. And just like that, Sarah's curiosity grew. She was gonna make it her own personal assignment to find out as much as she could about the girl. And if she couldn't find information from other people, she'd go directly to the source. After all, Denton had told her yesterday that she would grow on Katherine.

It didn't take long for Katherine to finish editing. She sent the articles and photos for each to Darcy and Bill and they started copying and pasting all over the news template they used. Sarah was bored out of her mind watching the two boys try to figure out where everything should go. She could see Katherine out of the corner of her eye, just fidgeting, probably wishing she could do it all herself. Mr. Denton seemed to notice it too because he sent her home soon after. Sarah was slightly disappointed with that, but then Mr. Denton came to the three of them and requested for her to take the reigns.

"What?" She knew she was new and didn't want to risk ruining all the hard work that was already put into the paper. She would hate for Katherine to come in the next day and absolutely abhor anything she did.

"Don't worry," Denton replied. "We’ll help you out. I just want to see what you can do. Besides, how else are you going to learn if not by doing?"

She supposed he was right, but she was still nervous about it. Luckily, she had no reason to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had a bit of trouble writing this chapter for two reasons mainly. The first was coming up with a reason for Crutchie’s messed up leg. I know he’s canonically supposed to have polio, but since it was pretty much eradicated in the US back in the 90s, I felt that it wouldn’t be a good enough reason. So the reason I came up with is a bit simpler than that, and it opens up a plot point I might use in the future. Second, was coming up with a math problem for the Sprace part of the chapter. I’ve never taken statistics and probability, but seeing as how the problem I used is a probability problem, I felt it worked. I hope it's not too confusing. See ya next week!


	4. Trustsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katherine is surprised when the members of the LGBTQ+ Club do a trust exercise. Sarah and David have an argument after he sees Spot walk her home. Race still has reservations when he meets up with Jojo and Spot for their study group.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a day late this time but my cousin's birthday was yesterday so I was busy. I'll try to be more punctual next week.

Friday was paper day. Katherine got to school early just to see the new edition. She knew Darcy and Bill liked to place them in stacks in front of each classroom, and then pass the rest out throughout the day. She was eager to see it because if she knew Mr. Denton, he probably gave Sarah a job to do. Although Sarah seemed nice, Katherine couldn’t trust anyone with her creation. **  
**

Darcy and Bill were still distributing the papers when Katherine found them. They immediately handed her a copy and watched as she made her assessment. She saw that the font was different than usual, but it was better somehow. The pictures were also placed in such a way that her eyes were drawn to them, but they didn’t distract from the writing. Her face remained the same as she examined the paper so Darcy and Bill couldn’t figure out what she was thinking. She folded the paper, said goodbye to the boys, and went to get ready for her first period.

Katherine hadn’t always been so serious. There had been a time when she was friendlier. But then her heart was broken and everyone she thought she could trust became untrustworthy. Every guy she met was just another guy looking to get in her pants. Every girl she met was just another girl looking for just another guy. And she was sick of it. So she told herself she’d just keep all feelings to herself. No one needed to know her business.

As soon as her teacher opened the classroom door, she went inside. As she took her history book out of her backpack, Katherine looked up to see Jack walk in. They’d officially met in the LGBTQ+ Club, but had mostly become friends in history. And now, she just didn’t talk to him at all. She didn’t even like to acknowledge him and the sad, apologetic looks he gave her. She wouldn’t fall for that face again.

After school, she went directly to the computer lab like she did every day. Fridays weren’t only for releasing the paper, but they were also for assigning stories for next week’s paper. When she got to the computer lab, Sarah was already there. She looked a little nervous, especially when she saw Katherine.

“Hey, editor-in-chief…” she said awkwardly.

“Sarah,” Katherine acknowledged her.

“You saw today’s paper, right?”

“Yeah I did.”

“And…?”

Katherine knew the girl wanted validation. She clearly had a lot to do with the changes to the paper, but Katherine didn’t want her to think she liked her or anything. Still, the paper was like her baby. “I really liked it. Great job. Keep it up and I’ll give you a good assignment.” Sarah smiled and relaxed, happy to have not been a screw-up.

The two other boys and Mr. Denton got there and their weekly meeting began. Katherine gave assignments to both Darcy and Bill, and when it came to Sarah, Katherine sighed. “Now, keep this in mind Sarah. Nobody likes to do sports. But you’re our newest addition and therefore, we have to give you the burden of covering it for this week. More specifically, the wrestling match that’s happening on Wednesday.”

Sarah was just happy to have an assignment. “Ooh, I like sports. I was raised watching them. I’m not really familiar with wrestling, but I have a friend on the team and he can explain things to me.”

Katherine raised a brow. “What friend?”

“Spot Conlon. Not sure of his real name but he goes by Spot.”

“Huh,” Katherine said with genuine awe. “I didn’t know he could still make friends. I tried to interview him once and I think I got too personal so now he avoids me with the help of his...minions.”

“He walks me home,” Sarah said with a shrug. “Without his minions.” Katherine looked impressed, but not as much as Darcy and Bill did.

After the meeting, Katherine emailed Sarah some older editions of the paper to give her examples of how to write her article. They then left the room together. Spot Conlon was already there waiting for Sarah, but he didn’t even try to make eye contact with Katherine. She felt it was better that way. She admired that he wanted privacy, and despite being surrounded by other jocks most of the time, she suspected he was a solitary person. Or at least someone with few friends.

Over the next few days, Katherine imagined what it would be like to be Spot Conlon. She could convince Darcy and Bill to be her bodyguards, but at most they would come off as simple pawns rather than valuable protectors. She’d have better luck enlisting defenders from the LGBTQ+ club.

On Wednesday, she headed to the Little Theatre during lunch. With Jack as president, she didn’t enjoy it as much as before their breakup, but she felt that she needed to be there, not only because she was the secretary, but to show students that it did get better. That they did have support and people to talk to. That their rights mattered too.

When she walked in, she sat down in her usual chair, and took out her notebook, reading over the minutes she’d taken last week. Apparently she’d gotten there early; Jack and Crutchie were usually there before her.

The room was quiet for the most part, but it didn’t last long. The doors opened in a very dramatic fashion and in came Miss Medda followed by Jack, Crutchie, and Davey. Katherine wondered what they were up to when she saw them beckoning the students at the desks to move out into the open area of the class.

“C’mon, children!” Miss Medda spoke. “Let’s gather round in a circle. Today’s meeting is going to be a little bit different. Katherine, sweetie, you don’t need to take notes today. We’re doing a group activity.”

Katherine was confused, but she trusted Miss Medda. As she walked to the already forming circle, Miss Medda began counting heads. There weren’t a lot of members so it was easy to tell when everyone was there.

“Good, we’re all here,” Medda continued. “Now, everyone, put both hands into the circle, like we were gonna do a pre-show pump-up chant.” The students did so. “Alright, now, without looking, have each hand grab another hand. And hold on tight.” Katherine looked up at the ceiling so she couldn’t see whose hands she’d gotten. “Did we all grab ahold of someone? Good. Now, without letting anyone go, untangle yourselves so that you form one big circle.”

“Hey, Miss Medda,” came from Romeo. “How come you’re not doing this with us?”

“Oh please, child!” Medda replied with a laugh and a wave of her hand. “You can start now!” She went to sit down and watch as the rest of the students tried to figure out how to untangle themselves.

Katherine looked to see who she was holding on to. On her left hand was Crutchie, which worried her a little. He was balancing on one leg, but he looked happy to be participating. On her right hand was the new kid, Davey. He looked nervous, but ready for success. She was glad she at least wasn’t holding Jack’s hand. If she never held Jack’s hand again, it would be too soon.

She looked for him and he was already taking control, directing Romeo to go underneath Jojo’s arm. She was determined to also take control. Luckily for her, Crutchie did just as she said, and Davey seemed to already know what she was thinking. They instantly clicked and she liked that about him.

Soon, the group was halfway to a circle, or at least some oblong shape. Katherine and Jack were the clear leaders, giving out directions to the others. “Crutchie!” came out of both Jack’s and Katherine’s mouths.

“Go under Race and Specs’ arms,” Jack suggested.

“No,” Katherine said before Crutchie could move. “Just arch your arm and Jojo’s over Race’s head.”

Crutchie was torn. It felt as if a debate had started as he heard an onslaught of, “Go under!” and “No, over!” He looked at Davey, who looked just as uncertain and shrugged at him. So Crutchie did the only thing he could think of and let go both Katherine’s and Jojo’s hands. He bounced on his leg for a few seconds, and then lost his balance.

As he fell forward, he couldn’t help but think about how Jack had been right and he was about to feel a lot of pain. But then he felt several arms around him, catching him mid-fall. Davey had dove in front so as to somewhat save him from the fall. When he looked, Jack had grabbed onto his arm, Katherine was holding his hand again, and the rest of the group was also supporting some part of his body. A few seconds later and Miss Medda was there with his crutch.

“Thanks, guys,” he said, as he found his balance. “Best trust fall I’ve been a part of.” Everyone laughed.

“Well, that didn’t go exactly as planned,” Miss Medda stated, “but at least Crutchie knows we all have his back. Now, let’s grab a seat and get this meeting started.”

Katherine felt bad for what had just gone down. What if they hadn’t all come for Crutchie’s rescue? What if he had fallen all because she and Jack couldn’t cooperate? But as she reached her desk and notebook, she pushed the thoughts to the back of her head. She had a job to do.

* * *

Sarah put her notebook down, choosing to cheer Spot on instead of taking notes. She wasn’t the only one. There was even another boy on the team that was hardcore spurring him on. From asking around, she learned his name was Jojo. What Spot lacked in stature, he made up for in muscle and tenacity. It was something she admired in him. Every time he was in a tight spot and she thought he would give up, he surprised her and found a way out.

After the match, Spot walked her home. She asked him several questions about the different moves he’d done. They had to stop constantly so she could write down notes, but he didn’t seem annoyed.

When she got home, David was sitting on the porch. She said goodbye to Spot and he walked off. “Hey, Dave,” she said with a smile.

David wasn’t as happy. “That was Spot Conlon.”

“Yep,” she replied, not understanding his tone of voice.

“Do you know what they say about him?”

“What, that he’s the leader of a gang and he’s planning on burning down the school?” she replied sarcastically. She’d heard several rumors, and yet had never seen any clues that Spot was that kind of guy.

“Well, I only heard that he beat some guy up, but that’s much worse. Sarah, why were you hanging out with him?”

She shrugged and headed into the house.

David followed, reaching his own conclusions. “Wait, why did he walk you home? Are you two dating? Sarah…” She continued to ignore him and walked to her room. “Sarah! You can’t date him! He’s dangerous!”

At this, Sarah turned around quickly and stopped David in his tracks. “Listen, Dave. You may be a few minutes older than me, and you may be my brother, but that doesn’t give you the right to tell me who I can and cannot date.”

“Wow, you really like him, don’t you?” She didn’t know whether to keep yelling at him or go back to ignoring him. “Wait, so did you even join a club? Or do you just go to his wrestling practices after school?” She scoffed, going into her room. He still followed. “Does he even have wrestling practice after school? Or do you two just...make out behind the bleachers or something?” She threw a pillow at him, which he dodged. “Does he know about you? That you’re-”

“No!” she yelled angrily, as she realized what he was getting at. “You know that only stays in this household. And if you must know, I did join a club. It’s the school newspaper, and I need to write my article because it’s due tomorrow. So please, kindly fuck off.”

Sarah and David’s younger brother Les walked into the room, looking a bit annoyed, but curious. “What are you two fighting about? I’m trying to watch my stories.”

David walked over to pick up the pillow Sarah had thrown. “Nothing, Les. I’m just being stupid. Go watch your shows.”

“Hmph!” the ten-year-old grunted before leaving the room.

“Or better yet, why don’t you read a book!” David called after him. He turned toward Sarah, frowning in regret. “So you joined the newspaper? That’s awesome.” Sarah gave him a nod. “But... _are_ you dating Spot Conlon?”

She sighed. “No, okay? I’m not dating anyone yet, but you’ll be the first to know when I do.”

“Cool.” David handed her the pillow and smiled. She didn’t return it, so he left her and walked out of the room.

“Hey, Dave?”

He came rushing back. “Yeah?”

“You’re in the LGBT club?”

He was caught off guard by this. “Oh...uh...yeah.”

“Are you...dating anyone?”

“No!” he replied, a little too quickly for her taste. “But you’ll also be the first to know if I do.” She nodded at him and he turned to leave again. Then he paused and turned back around. “How’d you know?” She stared blankly at him. “That I was in the LGBTQ+ Club?”

“Oh.” Now she was the one caught off guard. “I just saw you going into a classroom during lunch today and I read the flyer taped outside the door.” In reality, she’d been following Katherine to ask her a question about the article she was going to write. She’d seen her go into the Little Theatre and then had seen David go in a minute later with two other boys.

“You should join,” David offered. “Everyone’s very accepting.”

“Maybe I will,” she said with a smile. “I’m still getting used to this paper club. But, hey, you should join us too! I’m sure our editor would love you.”

“Yeah, I’ll think about it. But if you need help proofreading your article or something, I’m here.”

“Thanks, Dave.”

“Love you, sis.”

“Love you too, bro.”

David left the room and Sarah looked through her notes. She was sure she had enough to write a decent article. Or at least a first draft. She opened her laptop, recalled her memories of the wrestling match, and began writing.

* * *

Race banged his fist on the door. He was a bit nervous. He’d been to Jojo’s house several times before, but not with Spot Conlon there. Somewhere deep down, he still feared the guy would beat him up for some reason. It had only been a week since he’d first spoken to him, after all.

The door opened and Jojo peeked out, giving Race a really confused look. “Did you really knock?”

Jojo’s house was Race’s second home. He usually just slipped in, sometimes hiding to try and scare Jojo. He never succeeded. “Yeah, you know, just in case…”

“In case...you didn’t plan on trying to scare me today?”

“Is Spot here yet?”

“Oh.” Jojo nodded. “He’s in the kitchen eating. Are you...okay?”

“Yeah, yeah…” He pushed past Jojo into the house. He was tempted to run to Jojo’s room and just hide out there for some reason. Now that they were outside of school, all bets were off. Maybe Spot was just being nice in class.

“Look, Spot’s a nice guy, okay?” Jojo assured him, knowing what was going on. “I know everyone thinks he’s this scary guy who runs a drug ring and drops bodies like flies, but he’s just a teenager. He doesn’t even carry a knife. I’ve checked.” He whispered the last sentence.

“He runs a drug ring?”

“Yep, like how you run a gambling ring.”

“Hey, I’m just one bad loss away from that becoming a reality.”

“Race, shut up and get in the kitchen.”

The two boys walked into the kitchen where Spot was sitting at the dining table with his textbook open. There were pizza bites and dino nuggets on the table, along with an untouched charcuterie platter. Race immediately made sure it didn’t remain that way. Other than a quick glance, neither Race nor Spot acknowledged each other. Jojo knew he had to break the ice.

He walked over to the freezer and took out a huge chunk of ice cubes that had fused together, moving it into the sink. From a drawer, he removed an ice pick, and began picking at it. “Anyone want a drink? I mix really great cocktails.”

“He really does,” Race told Spot, playing with a slice of prosciutto. “I’ll take my usual screwdriver, bartender.”

“I don’t uh...drink,” Spot said, taking a pizza bite. “But I’ll take a water.”

“Why don’t you drink?” Jojo asked.

Spot stuffed the pizza bite in his mouth and shrugged, going back to the textbook.

Jojo and Race made eye contact, and then Jojo went on to make the drinks. Race cautiously sat across from Spot, trying to see what he was reading. “Did you do the homework yet?”

“Uh...no,” Spot answered. “I thought we’d all do it together. That’s what this study group is for right?”

“Right.” Race didn’t want to risk telling him he’d already finished the homework. He was good about doing his weekend homework every Friday after track practice. But it didn’t matter if he had to do it again; he could always use the practice. “I haven’t done it either.” He took out his own book and some paper to work on.

Jojo returned with Race’s screwdriver, Spot’s water, and a glass of sangria for himself. “We should get started, then.” A few drinks and math problems later, Race and Jojo started with the giggles.

Spot banged his fist on the table. The other two boys got quiet. Race from fear, but Jojo out of confusion. “Sorry,” Spot apologized. “I’m just not getting this and you two are behaving like...kids.”

“We are kids,” Jojo said.

“Kids shouldn’t drink.”

“You may be right. But adults shouldn’t leave kids alone then, should they?” Jojo knocked back his sangria, and then walked out of the room.

“Jojo’s parents are like, never home,” Race explained. Spot nodded, but his face remained angry.

Race texted Jojo, asking if he was okay. He immediately received the response, “ **Yeah, just taking a break.** ”

“So, what part aren’t you getting?” Race asked, putting his phone in his pocket.

“Everything.”

“You’re not really talkative, are you?” He didn’t receive a response. “It wasn’t really a question anyway, just an observation.” Just a few drinks had made Race more confident, or at least less fearful. He took a deck of cards from his other pocket and began sorting them. Spot was back to staring at his book. A few seconds later, Race had finished sorting, and he set the cards he wasn’t using aside. “Alright, Spot, let’s play a game.”

“I’m busy.”

“I think you’ll have time for this game. In my hand, I have thirty cards.” He fanned out the cards, showing Spot. “Ten of them are red, and twenty of them are black. Out of the black ones, some of them are odd numbers, some of them are even, and some of them are face cards, which, let’s say, count as both odd and even.” At this point, he had Spot’s attention. “So let’s say thirteen of these twenty black cards are odd numbers, including the face cards. And let’s say twelve of them are even, again, including the face cards.” He leaned in a little and loudly whispered, “In case you haven’t figured it out, I’m giving you an example similar to the problem you’re stuck on.” Spot leaned back, but had a curious look on his face. Race handed the cards over and continued. “So the first part of the problem would be, what’s the probability of you picking a black card that’s both odd and even? AKA, a face card.”

“So I count the face cards.”

“Correct. Or, you’d create an equation where you could figure it out.” Race wrote it down on a piece of paper and showed Spot. “One-sixth. Get it?”

“Kinda,” Spot said, a smile creeping up on his face. “Keep going.”

Race went on, hoping that with every problem, he could make Spot smile again. Soon, they were done with the homework, and Race looked over Spot’s paper to check that he’d done everything right. “Looks great,” he said, checking for a smile.

“Thanks,” Spot said, taking the paper back. There was no smile, but the gratitude was enough for Race.

Jojo banged his fist against the door frame. He’d been standing there for a minute, watching the two boys. After a brief cry in his room, he’d decided to come down and check that they hadn’t killed each other. But just as he’d expected, they were getting along. Maybe even more than that. Jojo had been looking for a third person to complete their incomplete trio, and now he thought maybe he’d found one.

“Hey, Jojo, sorry about earlier,” Spot spoke, with guilt on his face. “You’ve been so kind to me, welcoming me into your home and here I am being ungrateful and...I’m the kid.”

Jojo just laughed. “We’re all kids.” He pointed at the cards in Race’s hands. “If we’re done with math, what’s say we play a little Go Fish? Unless that’s too childish.”

“I’m never too much of a kid for Go Fish,” Spot answered. Race saw that the smile was back, and he accidentally strewed the cards all over the table. “Or Fifty-Two Pick-Up I guess.” The three of them giggled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always pleasantly surprised when I write something I didn't expect to write. Like Jojo and his neglectful parents. In my head, David, Sarah, and Les are the only ones with parents who are actually good. But you'll learn more about that in future chapters. Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Edit: There was a paragraph where Sarah met Jojo but since I wrote a whole scene in a later chapter where they officially introduce themselves, I edited their original introduction out.


	5. Bailsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race and Spot have a study session without Jojo. Jack has a sleepover at Davey's where he learns Sarah and Davey are twins. Crutchie and Jojo meet at a gay bar and talk about their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically I finished writing this about five minutes before midnight so it's not late really.

“ **Sorry boys, can’t meet up today. But you 2 still should. Test seems hard.** ” Race put his phone away. It seemed Jojo was bailing on them and without an excuse, which meant he was probably hiding something. Or planning something. Race could hardly surprise Jojo, but Jojo was really good at surprising him. 

Race replied to the three-way group chat and Spot and he decided to meet up at their nearest library instead. It wasn’t like Jojo needed the help anyway. Spot was the one that Race was worried about. 

Over the past few weeks, Race felt he'd grown somewhat closer to Spot. He wasn't as scared of him anymore. In fact, whenever he saw him, he was glad. He liked having a friend who could potentially beat anyone up. Though, he wasn't exactly sure Spot considered him a friend. Spot was still a bit distant, but he was always grateful. Race felt giddy whenever Spot's smile appeared. Apparently Jojo had noticed because he'd asked him about why he seemed to get excited whenever Spot understood a problem. Race had shrugged and told him it was because he felt like he was being a good teacher. 

Of course, Race liked Spot in a more than friendly way. He thought Spot was hot and he'd let Jojo know as much. But when it came to anything more than that, he wouldn't admit it. Not even to himself. He just wanted Spot to like him as a friend, is what he told himself. Jojo had told him he needed to get laid. 

Race got to the library early and scouted out an empty table with two seats. He put his feet on the other chair and pulled his math book out of his backpack to go over the sample problems they'd been given to prepare for the test. Within a few minutes, he'd planned out how to explain the harder ones to Spot. He'd be as prepared as he could be. 

Race looked up and he paused as he saw Spot near the entrance of the library. The wrestler was wearing a tight red tank top that showed off his arms and curvature of his chest. Race's jaw almost dropped. "Hey, Spot!" he yelled, before remembering where he was. He waited for someone to loudly shush him, but it never happened. Maybe it was because Spot Conlon was in the building and no one wanted to get pounded. As Spot walked over to him, Race couldn't help but watch the guy's chest. He couldn't help but think he wanted Spot to pound him. 

"Didn't anyone tell you you're in a library?" Spot asked. 

"Huh?" Race had to forcibly look up at the guy's face. Maybe Jojo was right. He needed to get laid. 

"You know, shhh." Spot put his finger up to his mouth and Race couldn't help but laugh. He moved his feet and Spot sat down. They immediately started on a problem, but something felt off. Race figured it was because Jojo wasn't there. But then Spot spoke up. "I'm not a library person. Are you a library person?" 

It had come out of nowhere, but Race realized that's what felt off. "Fuck no!" he said loudly. He looked around to make sure he hadn't disturbed anyone and then whispered, "They're too quiet." 

Spot nodded and got up. "I'm hungry. Are you hungry? Let's eat." 

Spot nodded back and grinned, collecting his stuff. 

They decided to get burgers at a nearby diner. Spot just dug into his, while Race took bites in between telling a story about how he once bet Jojo he couldn't eat a whole burger in under a minute and other bets he'd made with other friends. 

"No wonder you're good at probability," Spot said when he was done, wiping his mouth with a napkin. "You're good at betting and stuff." 

"Yep, that's why they call me Racetrack." Spot looked confused.  "'Cause they make bets at the racetracks. The horse racetracks. Ironically, I've never been to one." 

"Oh, I thought it's 'cause you run fast. I've seen _you_ on the racetrack. The human racetrack." 

Race sipped on his soda and shook his head. "Nah, I'm not even that fast." 

"If you say so." 

"Why do they call _you_ Spot?" It was something he'd been curious about, but never had the opportunity to ask until now. 

"I'm known for spotting at the gym," Spot answered casually. "I liked the name so I told everyone to call me that." 

"Huh, I wouldn't have bet on that," he said with a smile. 

Spot let out a small laugh and munched on his fries. 

The two finished eating and then got back to practicing for their test. Spot was getting it for the most part. He was still nervous about the exam, but having Race practically tutor him made him feel better. Especially when Race told him he was doing well. 

Spot’s feelings for Race were more or less the same. Though he’d never admit it, he thought the runner was cute at times and handsome at others. However, it was really the fact that Race was smart that really intrigued him. He knew he shouldn’t, but he had a small crush. Of course, he couldn’t let Race or anyone else know that. He had to remind himself to not stare at the younger guy for more than a second, or even stare at him at all if it was possible. 

But when Race said, “Oh hey,” Spot allowed himself to look. Every time he did so, he had to take everything in all at once. The dirty-blonde hair, the deep blue eyes, the soft-looking hand that was reaching out for him. Wait, what? “You got a little something…” Race’s hand touched the corner of Spot’s lip and he wiped a smudge off with his finger. Spot flinched back and Race looked mortified. “Shit. I’m sorry.” 

Spot forced himself to look down at his book. Race had given him that face a lot over the past weeks and Spot didn’t like it. It was the face everyone gave him. A look of fear. A look he could only get rid of by reassuring him. “No, no, it’s fine. I just don’t like being touched.” 

“Oh. Well, still, sorry.” His expression had changed from fear to apologetic, which Spot saw when he looked up to nod. They got back to studying, until they decided to call it a day. 

Before they went their separate ways, Spot cleared his throat. He’d been thinking that maybe he was being too harsh. He wanted Race to be comfortable around him. “Hey, just...If you do need to touch me for whatever reason, just warn me.” 

“Sure thing.” Race nodded and raised his hand to pat Spot, stopping short of actual skin to skin contact. “Shit, I was gonna do it again. May I?” 

Spot chuckled. “You may.” 

Race patted him twice on the shoulder and they bid farewell. 

Walking home, Spot knew he’d make a mistake. He’d given a guy permission to touch him. Sure, with consent, but somehow Spot knew he’d give the guy consent. It wouldn’t have been that big of a deal, except the thought of Race’s touch made Spot’s heart beat faster. Why did Jojo have to bail on them? 

* * *

“Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs. Dinner was delicious.” David smiled as Jack spoke. He’d been so charming all throughout dinner, that his nerves about his parents meeting him were practically gone. He could tell his parents were content with Jack, which was all he’d wanted. Not that he didn’t have any confidence in Jack. His parents were just harsh when it came to friends. Or at least the ones Sarah had brought home to meet them, since he never had. 

Jack was doing so well, David was willing to forgive Crutchie for bailing. He’d said he had plans with his foster parents for dinner and he couldn’t make it. David was disappointed, but at least Jack was there. His parents had told him if they approved of his friends, they could sleep over. Although, Jack had talked to them enough about the LGBTQ+ Club that David thought they might not let Jack sleep in his room. Or at least not with the door closed. 

But after dinner, they informed him otherwise. Either they didn’t suspect that David wasn’t straight, or they trusted him enough not to do anything they wouldn’t want him to do. Though, they’d asked him enough times if he was different, telling him they’d accept him in any way. 

After dinner, David and Jack headed to his room where they talked about other trust exercises they could do for the club. The past few weeks they'd started each meeting with some kind of trust exercise. They'd even done trust falls to appease Crutchie. Everyone seemed to enjoy them, but as much as Jack had hoped Katherine would soften up, she hadn't. At least not to Jack. She'd continued to politely acknowledge David every day in English class, but he hadn't mentioned that to Jack in case it made him feel bad. The whole ordeal had made him curious, however. 

"Hey, what'd you do to Katherine to make her dislike you so much?" he asked abruptly. 

The two were sitting side to side at the foot of David's bed, with a notebook and their phones in hand. Jack scoot away a little at the question. "Don't ask me that." 

"Okay," David replied. He waited for Jack to say something. Every time he said something stupid, either Jack or Crutchie would laugh it off and tell him it was fine, but this time Jack wasn't saying anything. 

"Can I use your restroom?" Jack really didn't want to talk about Katherine. 

"Yeah, out in the hallway, it’s first door on the left." 

Jack got up quickly, without saying anything and headed out the bedroom. In the bathroom, he looked at himself in the mirror. He didn't want David to hate him. If he told David the complete truth about what he'd done to Katherine, and why he'd done it, he was sure he would lose his new best friend. He washed his hands and went back out into the hallway, where he was met with a familiar face he hadn't expected. 

"Jack?" she said. 

"Sarah?" 

She hadn't expected to see him either. "What are you doing here?" 

"I'm having a sleepover with my friend, Davey. What are _you_ doing here?" Had David forgotten to mention having a girlfriend? 

"I _live_ here. Davey... _Davey_ ?" She looked like that was such a weird name to say. "Dav _id_ is my twin brother." 

"Oh, right!" Jack recalled he'd mentioned having a twin sister. He just never imagined it would have been Sarah. After all these weeks, he'd forgotten to ask. "He did mention that. So, you two are twins. That's pretty cool, not gonna lie." 

"Yeah, it has its perks. We can read each other's minds and we constantly pretend to be each other," she joked. "How do you know David?" 

"We met in art class. He liked my drawings, I liked him." He shrugged. 

"You're not...tutoring him in art, are you?" 

David came out into the hallway just as Sarah and Jack were laughing. He felt odd about it. Did they know each other? Were they flirting? "Hey..." 

"Hey, _Davey_ ..." Sarah said, teasing him about the nickname. "I didn't know you knew Jack. He and I have chemistry." 

"You what?" Had he heard that right? 

"We have chemistry class together," Jack clarified. "I was just telling her you and me have art together." 

"You and I," David corrected, still a little confused. For some reason he felt like one-upping Sarah. "We're also in the LGBTQ+ Club. Jack's the president." 

"Oh?" Sarah looked more intrigued. She and Jack made eye contact that David was a little too uncomfortable with. 

"I keep telling her she should join," David said trying to get them to look away. "But she says she's too busy with the school paper." 

"The school paper?" Now Jack seemed to be the one intrigued. David wanted to bite his own tongue off. "So you know Katherine?" 

"Yeah, she's a...tough editor." 

"You know, she's also in the LGBTQ+ Club," Jack replied, with a playful smile. "And she's the secretary." He walked over to David and put his arm around him. "But you know, if you're too busy, that's cool." He then winked at her, pat David on the back, and went in his room. 

Sarah nodded and then walked to her room. 

David had so much to ask both of them. He stood there for a second to clear his thoughts, and then turned to Jack. "I'll be back." He walked over to Sarah's room, walking in, and closing the door. 

"Yeah?" she asked from her bed. 

"Were you flirting with Jack?" 

She hesitated. "Maybe. He _is_ single, right?" 

"Yeah, but...don't." 

Her face hardened. "Why not?" 

That was a good question. One that David didn't have an answer for. Was he jealous? Yeah, he was jealous. But in what sense? He wasn't ready to think about that just yet. "He's my friend. I don't want you flirting with him. I've never flirted with any of your friends." 

"David, can you even flirt?" 

"Doesn't matter. I've never tried to flirt with your friends. Mom and Dad _and_ Les like him, and I can see him becoming a long term...best friend." 

"He's _my_ friend too, you know." 

"Yeah, but if something happens between you two and then you break up, I'm the one who's going to feel awkward inviting him over." 

Sarah sighed and after a few seconds said, "Fine. I won't flirt with Jack." 

"Thanks." David stood there feeling awkward about even having that conversation. But Jack was his first true friend, so he felt justified. "So Katherine's in the school paper?" he said, trying to break the tension. 

"Yeah, why?" 

David shrugged. "I think she's cool. Maybe I'll join." 

Sarah raised her eyebrow and crossed her arms. "If I can't flirt with your friends, you can't flirt with mine." 

"I wasn't even thinking about that, jeez." The twins smiled at each other and then David left. Back in his room, he sat back down next to Jack, again at the foot of his bed. "Hey, you weren't flirting with my sister, were you?" 

Jack laughed, shaking his head. "I hope it wasn't coming off that way. No, Sarah's nice, but she's not the one I'm interested in." 

David smiled, oblivious at what Jack was getting at. "You're still into Katherine, aren't you?" 

"She's special, yeah." Jack didn't want to lie to David, but he couldn't tell if it was a leading question or not. He also remembered what he'd told Crutchie about trying to remain friends. He liked David, and he didn't want to ruin their friendship, but over the weeks, his crush had just grown. Every time he saw David's adorable smile, he just wanted to take him in his arms and kiss him. "But I just want her to be my friend again." 

David still wasn't picking up what Jack was putting down. "So then...Crutchie?" 

Jack laughed, more to himself than at David's suggestion. "Davey, let's talk about something else. Am I sleeping on the floor?" 

David looked around the room and shook his head. "Nah, you're the guest. You take the bed. I'll take the floor." 

"No way, it's your room. You take the bed." 

"We can both take the floor, then." 

"Or...we can both take the bed." Jack had said it as more of a joke than anything else, but David seemed to be taking it seriously. 

"Yeah, okay. Let's do that then." 

When the time came for them to go to bed, Jack took his side of the bed, and David took the other, laying the opposite direction Jack was. A few seconds later, David felt Jack moving and in the light coming from the window, saw that Jack had switched sides so they were both laying in the same direction. 

"Sorry," Jack said. "I just think it's weird laying in different directions. Thought it was weird when Crutchie tried it at my place and I think it's weird now. I hope you don't mind." 

"It's fine," David said. But he wasn't fine. He was unexpectedly nervous. At that moment he realized something. He had another boy in his bed. But not just any boy. A boy he liked. A boy he maybe more than liked. A boy he maybe had a crush on. No, a boy he _definitely_ had a crush on. 

* * *

Crutchie walked into The Bowery, once again surprised at how easily he was let in. The Bowery was the only gay bar in town, which he'd been introduced to by Specs. He put away his fake ID, which Specs had also provided, and then went over to the dance floor to look around. He sometimes like to dance, but only if he was there for fun. Tonight, he was there for pleasure. 

He alternated between checking his phone and checking guys out, but he wasn't satisfied. He hobbled over to the bar and ordered a cosmo, when he turned and saw someone at the other side of the bar staring at him. 

Jojo smiled as he saw Crutchie notice him. He took the two shots he had and walked over to sit next to him. "Come here often?" he said jokingly. 

Crutchie did everything in his power not to reach for his crutch and hit Jojo with it. "What are you doing here?" he asked instead. 

"Drinking." Jojo took a shot, offering the other one to Crutchie. He'd ran out of alcohol at home, which is why he'd gone out to get some. His parents hadn't been home in a week and he didn't want to risk going to the nearest liquor store to buy more. He also hadn't felt like seeing Race and Spot sober, which is why he'd bailed on their study group. So to the local gay bar it was. "You?" 

Crutchie shook his head and replied, "Hunting for daddies." Jojo laughed, but then Crutchie held up his phone, showing the dating app he was on. 

"Oh, good luck." 

Crutchie could tell Jojo wasn't being sincere, but it didn't bother him. "Yeah, don't cockblock me." 

"I'll try not to." Jojo took the other shot and then called the bartender over to get him more. 

"To answer your earlier question, I do come here often. I like watching the Bowery Beauties perform." 

"They're the drag queens, right?" Jojo only came for the drinks, if he had to be honest. "I thought you only came for the daddies." 

"Them too, but only when I'm feeling blueballed." Or unwanted. The truth was that Jack had asked him to bail on the sleepover. Crutchie immediately disapproved, but Jack told him he couldn't help himself or his feelings for David. In the end, Crutchie let Jack have his way. Either David would reject him or they'd get together and it wouldn't end well. Just like every other one of Jack's relationships. 

Jojo laughed. “I like you, Crutchie.” 

“I know. But you’re not my type.” 

Jojo hadn’t meant it in that way, but maybe he was too obvious. Because he did have feelings for Crutchie. “What _is_ your type?” 

Crutchie took a swig of his drink and answered, “Unavailable.” 

“Yeah, mine too I guess.” Jojo downed his shot and then asked, “What about me is not your type?” 

“For starters, you smile too much.” 

“You smile too much too!” 

“Yeah, but I’m disabled. If I don’t smile, people’ll stop liking me.” 

“That’s not true. If anything, they’d understand your frustrations _because_ you’re disabled.” 

“No, people would feel sorry for me. They wouldn’t understand me. No one wants to be around a sad cripple.” 

“You shouldn’t use that word.” 

“No, _you_ shouldn’t use that word. _I_ can use it as much as I want.” 

"Fair enough." He ordered another shot, as Crutchie continued. 

"Second off, we're not compatible. Just 'cause you think we're sidekicks, doesn't mean we belong together." 

"What do you mean, I think we're sidekicks?" 

"I mean...if we were in a story, I'm the guy everyone feels sorry for and therefore can never get a date." 

Jojo understood. "And I'm the funny-looking guy who's the best friend of the attractive, relatable dudes. I also never get a date." 

"Exactly. So what, we're just doomed to end up with each other?" 

"Not doomed. Why does it have to be a bad thing?" 

"It's settling. And that's bullshit. I'm the main character of my life. Why can't I end up with the hot, hunky guy?" 

"Why can't you, just as well, end up with the nice, unconventionally attractive boy-next-door type who's been there all along?" 

"Because, Jojo, you haven't been there all along. You've just been there. You like me because I'm just as single and miserable as you. You're a square and I'm a rectangle. Just cause we both have four corners and four sides, doesn't mean we fit together." 

"You're overthinking it." 

"You're _under_ thinking it. What do you and I have in common? We're both gay and lonely. But even the way we deal with that is different. You drown yourself in alcohol, and I drown myself in older men. Face it, Jo, we're both screwed up and two screw-ups don't make a right." 

"Guess not." Jojo thought to his family. His parents were always fighting whenever they were together in the house. And individually they were just as bad. Jojo's mom mostly ignored him, but tried to make up for it by buying him whatever he wanted. His dad refused to acknowledge Jojo was gay, and was overbearing as a parent. He'd give Jojo bad advice and spent most of his time talking about himself and his accomplishments than letting Jojo talk about his own. Still, it was worse when the house was empty and he was alone. If he and Crutchie started dating, would he be any different from his parents, or would he have gotten all of their bad traits? "We'd make each other miserable, wouldn't we?" 

"That's not to say you're not good company," Crutchie said, trying not to make Jojo feel too bad. "You're doing an okay job of cockblocking me by keeping me talking. Didn't even need an intervention." 

Jojo looked down at his empty shot glass and replied. "You're doing a terrible job of keeping me from drinking." 

"Eh, I never said _I_ was good company." Jojo laughed just as Crutchie's phone buzzed. He looked at it and then put his hand on Jojo's leg. "Hey, this tonight, let's keep it between us, okay?" Jojo nodded. Crutchie got up, taking his crutch and leaving some cash on the bar. "I'll see you later, Jo. I'm gonna get me some daddy dick." 

Jojo nodded again, and watched him walk away. He didn't know if the conversation they'd just had made him feel better or more miserable. He just knew that Crutchie had his vices, and he had his. He paid his tab and then left the bar. At least Crutchie's conversation had reminded him that he had friends to rely on. Maybe his parents weren't there. Maybe he didn't have a boyfriend. But at least he had his friends. At least he had Race and Spot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I'd give Crutchie and Jojo more of a backstory since they're kind of minor characters in this story. I also feel like I haven't been giving Katherine the attention she deserves (though Sarah and Davey have haha). My basic storyline doesn't go by chapters so I'm still figuring it out chapter by chapter, without trying to put in any filler. Although the main characters are Davey and Sarah, I want each character to feel three-dimensional. That being said, let me know if you'd like me to write more about certain characters.


	6. Crushsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> David can't stop thinking about Jack. Sarah gets Katherine, Darcy, and Bill to go out with her after school. Race gets caught up in a bet involving Spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while. I lost my muse for a bit, but it's back and kicking. I'm going to try to update this more frequently.

Ever since their sleepover, David just couldn’t think straight. When he wasn’t thinking about school, he was thinking about Jack. But they weren’t all good thoughts. In fact, he’d been making a pro-con list in his head about Jack. Not that it helped. Either way he was still thinking about him. And it was driving him crazy. David hated getting crushes. Especially on his friends.

The next time they met was at school during lunch. He sat with Jack and Crutchie as was usual, but he wasn’t really into the conversation. This happened every so often. Sometimes he listened and remained quiet. Sometimes he participated. On this day, he was in his head. He wasn’t even paying attention to what the other two were talking about.

The first pro on David’s list was that Jack was a nice guy. The most obvious reason was that his best friend was disabled. Though being friends with a disabled person didn’t automatically make you a nice person. It was Jack’s friendship with Crutchie that attracted him to Jack. He was always very protective of Crutchie, even when Crutchie told him to stop. If David hadn’t gotten to know them well, he would’ve thought they were dating. It didn’t help that they were very physically close.

David watched as Crutchie put his bad leg to rest on Jack’s lap. Jack just accepted it like it was no big deal. Like it was just an extent of his body. He let his hands rest on Crutchie’s ankle as they continued talking. David wished for a second that he was Crutchie’s leg.

He had to mentally shake his head. He had to remember that Jack was a friend and wanting anything more from him would spell disaster. That was his first con. It was bad enough that David had a crush on a guy. Not because he thought it was a bad thing, but because same-sex relationships in high school just seemed that much harder to start. It was lucky that David at least knew Jack was bi. But it was unlucky that he was one of his close friends.

This started a what-if chain in his brain. What if things went bad for them? What if Jack didn’t like him in that way and things were awkward for them from then on? What if Jack did like him, and they got together, but then they broke up? Crutchie would surely be on Jack’s side, so he wouldn’t just lose one friend, but two. What if the crush he had just passed? That was preferable to David, but he didn’t know how to get that going.

Jack and Crutchie laughed about something. Part of David wanted to know what, but his mind was too busy. Jack leaned forward and began to doodle on a piece of paper. David was distracted from his thoughts for a minute as he watched him draw. He wondered how he’d gotten so good at it so young, and thought about how if he really wanted to, Jack could be a great artist someday.

That was pro number two. Not just that Jack’s art was beautiful, but the fact that Jack knew what he wanted to do. He’d told David he wanted to move to a small town and just make art. He didn’t even want to do it for the money. He didn’t even want to be famous. In a world full of YouTube and reality tv stars, David found that refreshing. The way Jack said it, he didn’t sound like any of those pretentious artists who stated they wanted the same things when in reality just didn’t want people to think otherwise. The difference was that those artists wanted something other than what they said they wanted, while Jack seemed like he actually did want it..

But that brought up another issue. Because what if David didn’t want the same things? He’d just come from a small town where he hadn’t found much joy. Whereas now, he at least had friends and the LGBTQ+ Club. He wasn’t like Sarah who wanted to go to the big city, but he didn’t want to go back either. And if that’s what Jack was going for, then any possible long term relationship between him and David was doomed. And that was con number two.

David looked away from Jack’s drawing, trying to keep himself in check. His eyes found Crutchie’s, who seemed to be watching him with curiosity. David looked away and took a sip of the juice box he’d been playing with. He looked down at his food, a sandwich and an unopened bag of chips. He’d been so caught up in his thoughts he’d forgotten to eat.

He opened the chips and offered some to the boys. Jack put his pencil down to grab a chip. David watched as Jack put the chip up to his mouth, his tongue darting out a bit. He couldn’t help but watch Jack’s jaw line as he chewed, and his Adam’s apple when he swallowed. It really didn’t help that Jack was extremely good looking. Pro number three.

David forced himself to look away and once again crossed paths with Crutchie’s eyes. This time it was Crutchie that looked away. Not in the embarrassed, slightly awkward way that David had earlier, but with a sense of satisfaction. It was as if Crutchie had been staring at him with suspicion and he’d gotten the answer he was looking for. David wondered what that was about, as he ate his sandwich.

It also gave him a chance to think of his third con. The whole Katherine ordeal. David didn’t mind that Jack didn’t want to talk about it. It was none of his business, after all. It was just the fact that whenever it was brought up, Jack looked really guilty. And Katherine just seemed so angry. It made David think that Jack did something really awful to her. And if he had done something so awful to Katherine, it meant that he was capable of doing something as awful to him. And if that was the case, he didn’t ever want to find out what it was.

Still, he couldn’t help his feelings. Somehow, the pros outweighed the cons, but it didn’t mean he was ready to do anything about it. He needed a second opinion. Maybe even a third opinion. And with the way that Crutchie was looking at him, he thought maybe he’d be the first to talk to about all of this. After all, he was the closest person to Jack. Maybe talking to Sarah would also help. He just wanted to be able to think properly again.

* * *

“Hey, we should all go out and celebrate.” It was a Friday afternoon, and Katherine had already given out the assignments. Sarah didn’t feel like going home right away and Spot had texted her earlier that practice was going to run late.

“What are we celebrating?” Katherine asked immediately. “Is it your birthday?” She seemed curious, but not really concerned, seeing as how they only hung out after school.

“No, but we should celebrate another successful paper!”

“Why? We come out with one every week. That’s no reason to celebrate.”

“Sure it is. We don’t have to celebrate every week, but I think every once in awhile we should give ourselves a pat on the back.”

“That sounds like a good idea, Katherine,” Mr. Denton said from his desk. “You kids work hard all week. You deserve to relax.”

Sarah smiled at their advisor. The truth was that Sarah wanted to hang out with Katherine outside the paper. Get to know her better. She had Jack and Spot as friends, but she needed a girl friend. Someone to gossip with or at least talk to about girl stuff. Stuff she couldn’t talk to Jack and Spot about.

“Well, where would we be going to celebrate, then?” Katherine asked, a little more open to the idea now that Denton had approved.

“Not sure...Darcy? Bill? Know of any places around here we can have fun?”

Darcy and Bill looked at each other and suddenly looked happy, as if they thought they weren’t invited before. “There’s this one place called Jacobi’s,” spoke Bill. “It has burgers and pizza and stuff and there’s an arcade.”

“Are there prizes?” Sarah asked. Bill nodded. “Ooh, what do you think, Katherine?” The teen reporter looked like she’d lost interest, but shrugged. “Jacobi’s it is then.”

They packed up and left Mr. Denton in the computer lab. Since Katherine had recently gotten a car, she agreed to drive them, immediately making sure Sarah was sitting shotgun. The four got in the car and Katherine turned on the car. Sarah had expected the radio to come on, but there was nothing but silence. Bill gave directions, but other than that, the ride was quiet. Sarah could sense the discomfort and decided to talk.

“So what kind of music do you guys listen to?” she asked.

“Film scores mostly.” Sarah wasn’t surprised by this at all. Bill looked like the type of guy who watched a lot of movies.

“Jazz and hip hop.” This was more surprising as Darcy was the type of person she’d describe as a WASP. She’d expected Christian rock, maybe gospel.

“I don’t really like music.” This surprised Sarah most of all, because...well, who didn’t like music? Katherine apparently.

“None at all?”

“I’ll dance to it at social functions, but no. I prefer to read.”

They got to Jacobi’s quickly since it wasn’t too far from the school. Bill led them in. It seemed like he was a regular. He ordered his food and then went to go find a table for them to sit. Sarah ordered a slice of pizza and some fries, Katherine paid for the unlimited salad bar, and Darcy and Bill each got a burger.

They sat down to eat and talk, though Katherine didn’t do much talking. Sarah was getting to know Darcy and Bill better at least. She was asking them lots of questions and found out that Bill didn’t just write for the paper, but he liked to write scripts. She also found out Darcy was a poet who occasionally dabbled in rapping.

As little as Katherine was talking, she genuinely did seem interested in the conversation. She’d never really bothered learning much about Bill and Darcy so she was learning just as much as Sarah was. They were taking her mind off the school paper, and school in general. She forgot about all the stress she was in, and all the troubles she was still holding on to.

When they finished their food, they moved on to the arcade in the restaurant. Bill was willing to share his game card with everyone so they were all able to play some games. He also knew which ones had more chance of acquiring more points for prizes. Katherine was having fun, despite struggling with some of the games. Sarah was having fun watching everyone else have fun. She may not have been learning much about Katherine but at least they were all having a good time.

“You all look like you’re having a good time,” came from behind them as they played a whack-a-mole game. They all turned to see Jack watching them with a smile.

“Hey Jack!” Sarah said, hugging him as if she hadn’t seen him earlier that day.

“Hey, Sarah.” He turned to Katherine. “Hi, Kath.”

Katherine didn’t even try to be subtle. She whacked the moles harder than you were probably supposed to. She didn’t even acknowledge Jack’s presence.

Jack nodded, giving up. He smiled at the other two boys and then back at Sarah. “See ya later, Sarah.”

She waved at him as he walked away with his head down. Sarah was lost. Clearly something was going on with Jack and Katherine but she didn’t know what and she didn’t know who to comfort.

After she whacked the last mole, Katherine put the mallet back in its place and smiled at the three of them. Sarah could tell it wasn’t genuine though. There was a pain in her eyes.

“I’m ready to go now, if you guys need a ride home.”

Bill and Darcy said they could walk, and Sarah said she would also stay. The truth was Sarah wanted to know what was going on and she knew Katherine wouldn’t tell her, but Bill and Darcy would.

Katherine said her goodbyes and rushed off. Sarah waited until they had moved on to the next game to ask, “So what was all that about? With Jack and Katherine.”

Bill and Darcy looked at each other as they often did, and then Darcy spoke. “They used to date. And then Jack broke her heart.”

“That week was the only week we ever did the paper by ourselves,” Bill said, focusing intensely on the game he was playing.

“She came back the next week, berated us for doing such a bad job on the paper, and she’s been hard on us ever since.”

“The good thing is my writing’s improved. But she used to be nicer.”

“Not a lot nicer. But nicer.”

Sarah nodded in understanding, but she only had more questions she knew the boys wouldn’t be able to answer. Like how exactly Jack broke Katherine’s heart. It seemed that Jack regretted whatever he did, but Sarah now knew to be more wary around him. Maybe he wasn’t as different as she thought he was. She wished Katherine was still there so she could comfort her, but even then, Katherine probably wouldn’t let her.

* * *

“So what’d you get?” Race asked as he followed Spot out of their math class. Jojo walked behind them, observing. Spot reluctantly showed Race the B grade on his test. “I knew it! Ha! Pay up, bud!”

Spot took his wallet out and gave Race a five dollar bill. Race pocketed this as if it was nothing, but Jojo knew that it wasn’t just nothing.

“You like him, don’t you?” Jojo asked as soon as Spot had left them.

“What?” came from a very confused Race.

“You like Spot.” This time it wasn’t a question. But Jojo didn’t know what to think of it. Did he approve?

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re making bets with him.”

“I make bets with loads of people.”

“You take loads from people you make bets with.”

Race gave Jojo a cheeky smile and then said, “Yeah I do.”

Jojo then raised his eyebrow as if to say, “So I’m right.”

“Okay, so I think he’s hot. Whatever. But it’s not like Spot Conlon is gay. He barely even looks at me.”

Jojo shrugged. “Why don’t you ask him?”

“I can’t just...that’d be suicide.”

“Yeah, it’d be better if you two just stayed friends.”

Race seemed annoyed at this. “You know what? I bet you he is gay.”

“Nope. Not making that bet.”

“So you do think he’s gay.”

“I didn’t say that. I just can’t with you. Either way I lose.”

“I’m taking the bet anyway. I’m gonna prove to you he’s gay. I’m gonna do it.”

“Sounds more like a threat than a bet.”

Over the next few days, Race thought up several plans as to how he could out Spot or at least get him to kiss him. Ultimately, his tried and true method seemed to be the winner. Jojo was right. Making bets was Race’s strong suit and if that’s what got Spot to out himself, that’s what he was going to do.

And so they kept making bets in class. Some Spot would win, but most of them Race did. One of the days they were supposed to meet up with Jojo for their study group, Spot made the bet that Jojo wouldn’t show up. With Race trying to seduce Spot all the time, Jojo just didn’t have much interest in the group anymore. He’d only showed up occasionally since their studying had moved to Jacobi’s..

“You know, you don’t win the bet until we leave,” Race said after fifteen minutes of waiting.

“Well don’t try to keep me from leaving. I’m winning this, Higgins.” Spot had begun calling Race by his last name because he thought his nickname was ridiculous.

“Don’t count your chickens yet, Conlon.” And of course, Race had also begun to call Spot by his last name.

“I’ll fight you.”

“You’d lose.” Race looked up from his burger to see Spot staring at him with a smile. And every time they made eye contact, Race felt giddy. As if he’d won a bet he hadn’t even made.

“That’s amusing.” Spot, on the other hand, felt his heart skip a beat, and quickly looked away. He craved eye contact, but couldn’t bring himself to keep it for long.

“Wanna bet?” Maybe this was his chance. A chance to get into close physical contact with Spot. “Actually, yeah, let’s bet. I bet I can beat you at wrestling.” Surely, with Spot on top of him he’d know if he was gay.

“That’s stupid. I wouldn’t bet you to see who could run faster. If you were actually good at wrestling, you’d be on the team.”

“Would I? Maybe I just don’t like wrestling, even though I’m good at it.”

“You’re a dumbass,” Spot said with a laugh. “Get the fuck out.”

They finished their food and studied, before leaving. Race tried to stall as much as he could by challenging Spot to arm wrestling, losing twenty times. It wasn’t until Spot let Race win that he knew he couldn’t stall anymore. Jojo wasn’t going to show up.

“Walk me home?” Race asked when they got outside.

Spot hesitated. This was new. “You know I live the other way.”

“I get bored walking home. You keep me entertained.”

“Listen to music or something.”

“Let me listen to your music. I wanna know what trash you’re into.” A lot about Spot Conlon was still a mystery to Race. Not only would this help him get to know him better, but it could also help him figure out if he was gay. Maybe Spot liked Britney or One Direction.

“My music’s the best, you little shit.”

“Prove it.”

As much as experience was telling Spot to run home and get away from this kid, his heart was telling him the opposite. “Fine. I’ll walk you home.” Race grinned as Spot took his phone out to play music. “Dipshit.”

“You’re not just gonna play it like that, are you? Plug your earphones in. I wanna listen closely.” It wasn’t the best maneuver, but if he could get Spot to share his earphone, they’d be close. Spot reluctantly plugged his earphones in and loaded his music, handing both to Race as they walked. “What am I supposed to do with this? Pick a song. Listen with me.”

“You’re so needy.” But this was something Spot liked about him. He felt useful around Race, like he mattered and made a difference.

As far as Race could see, there was no Britney or One Direction, but he knew that didn’t mean anything. As they walked to Race’s, he made fun of the choices Spot did have. There were a lot of oldies, some heavy metal, and surprisingly, some classical.

“It helps me sleep,” he explained, ask they walked through an alley Race said was a shortcut to his house.

“You don’t sleep well?”

Spot hesitated. That was something Race had become accustomed to. It was as if everything Spot told him was some dark secret he was trying to keep. Race hoped one of those dark secrets was being gay. “Sometimes I just have nights where I think too much. I like to dwell on past mistakes or...unasked for feelings.”

“What kind of feelings?” Race asked curiously.

“I just said, unasked for.” He sounded defensive, which at first had stopped Race from asking more. As of lately, though, Race had gotten braver around him.

“But like...do they make you feel good?”

Spot stopped, wondering what Race was getting at. They made eye contact, and this time Spot didn’t look away. Race looked amused, but a little concerned. Spot wondered if he should say something to him. Not that it would help. The feelings would still be unasked for.

Race had to take his chance. Spot wasn’t looking away, which meant that Race was still looking directly into his beautiful brown eyes. And Spot still wasn’t looking away, which meant that he’d asked the right question. Spot didn’t look away, which meant that now was the time to know for sure. And so he did it.

Spot was caught up in his thoughts that it took him a second to realize Race was getting closer to him. It took him a second to realize Race’s face was nearing his. It took him a second to realize Race was coming in for a kiss.

But he did notice. And he backed up. His earphone fell out of his ear, and then out of Race’s as he pulled his phone away. “What the fuck?”

Race felt a little embarrassed, but there was no way to explain away what he’d attempted to do. “Sorry, I...I thought we were having a moment.”

“I’m not gay,” he replied, stating a lie he’d told himself countless times.

“I am,” Race said a bit defensively.

“That’s nice for you, but I don’t believe in living that kind of lifestyle.”

Race’s face immediately soured. “Lifestyle? It’s not a lifestyle. It’s who I am.”

“Who you are is a person. What you do is a choice.”

Race couldn’t even comprehend what was going on right now. His feelings toward Spot had just done a complete 180. How had he become friends with such a person? Who even was Spot Conlon anymore? “You’re...so wrong right now. I can’t…” He didn’t even know how to finish that statement.

“Yeah, I can’t either. Walk yourself home.” With that, Spot picked up his earphones and left. When he was alone, he reflected on what had just happened. He’d almost been kissed by a guy. And what was worse is that he almost let him. But he knew he couldn’t. He had to be a man. A good little man. And make his mother proud. He had to find a girlfriend. And he knew where to start with that.


	7. Friendsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot and Sarah understand each other in a new way. Katherine gets to know David a bit more. Race complains to Jojo about Spot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter. Popping them out like pancakes because I'm doing this for NaNoWriMo. I'm not completely confident I'll finish this by December or even that I'll get 50,000 words, but root for me anyway.

He wanted to be subtle about it, but Spot just couldn’t think about how to ask her. He was walking Sarah home and they were talking about their days. Or rather, Sarah was talking and Spot was trying to bring up the subject on his mind.

“What’s on your mind?” she asked him suddenly.

He must have been obviously distracted. He stayed silent for a few seconds but decided to just come out with it. “Where are we headed?” In a very vague way.

“To my house?” The confused look she gave him almost made him laugh.

“I mean, you and me. Like, is this going anywhere? Are you and me gonna be a thing?”

“Oh.” They were both silent now, as she thought. Spot couldn’t help but feel that he could have done a better job bringing it up. He hadn’t meant to sound so presumptuous. “Well, we could be.”

“I mean, if you don’t want to…” Spot felt like there was something off. Like they were being too formal. There was no passion behind it. But he was a guy and Sarah was a girl and he felt that inevitably something would have to happen between them. At least that’s what his mother always told him.

Sarah hesitated again and sighed. “Can I tell you something in confidence?”

“Sure, yeah.” He looked her in the eyes to let her knew she had his full attention. It was funny how easily he could look Sarah in they eyes, when every time he tried that with Race, he had to look away.

“I’ve...never gone out with any guys.”

Spot raised an eyebrow. Was she telling him something? Was she confessing that she was...gay?

“I’ve been asked out many times,” she continued, “but I’ve never said yes. I just...I don’t know. Maybe I’m scared or maybe I just don’t feel it.”

“You don’t feel it?”

“I’ve never felt it.”

Spot could definitely relate. He’d been out on a few dates, but had also never felt it. Whatever it was. Whatever he felt whenever he was around Race.

“But maybe that’s normal, right? Like how people say they can feel the presence of God, even though it’s not actually a feeling? It’s just something you say, not something you actually physically feel. Maybe it’s like that. It’s not something you’re supposed to physically feel, but just something you say you do.”

Spot perked up at this. He felt like Sarah was describing him and his own feelings. She understood what he was going through. “Right. And even though you don’t feel it right away, you could grow to feel it. Like, how you can’t just fall in love right away, but you can fall in love over time.”

“Exactly!” She smiled at him, and for a second, Spot thought he felt something. Not sexual attraction, but something that could possibly grow into that. He felt like he could love her someday. That he could satisfy her and himself. That he could make his mother proud and live the normal life he’d always dreamed of.

“So...will you go out with me?” There was a more proper question that could have started this conversation.

“Okay, Spot Conlon. I’ll go out with you.” They smiled at each other.

“Cool.” Just as he said that, they reached her house. She waved goodbye and went in.

So that was it. They were dating. No actual date yet. No plans of going on one. No physical contact or attraction. No romantic feelings of any sort.

He turned to head home. He still had a smile on his face, thinking about what a success the conversation had been. He’d been worried for nothing. And now he knew that Sarah had similar feelings as he did. They’d make a great couple.

But what if they didn’t? Spot’s mood flipped as he thought about what it would mean to date Sarah. Because what if it wasn’t true? What if he never did grow to love her? And worse, if she did? What if he could never get all the gay thoughts out of his head and he just had to lead a life of lies and unfulfillment? He couldn’t do that. Especially not to Sarah.

His thoughts wandered off to all the things he’d heard before. That it was okay to be gay. Except, he didn’t feel like it was. It didn’t come from a place of religion, like a lot of homophobia did. It came from how he was raised.

His mother had always taught him that men were supposed to be with women. That people weren’t born gay, they learned it through manipulation and deceit. That if men were supposed to be with men, and women with women, nature would’ve found a way for them to procreate. That even if you had those thoughts, it was the action of homosexuality that was unforgivable. And those were just things his mother had said in passing.

As far as Spot knew, she didn’t suspect him of being gay. Though she did occasionally tell him to change a shirt because it looked ‘faggy’ on him. Or that only gay boys dye their hair. Or that if she had a gay kid, she’d kick him out.

It made Spot sad, but she wasn’t a bad woman. He knew she loved him. She took care of him when he was sick. She made his favorite food when she could tell he had a bad day. She watched all his favorite shows with him. She was practically his best friend. She was his mom and he loved her. He had to make her proud.

Spot got home and as he entered, his mom called to him from the kitchen. She’d made steak and potatoes. His favorite. Somehow she always knew when he needed cheering up. He ate cheerily and then they went into the living room to watch Netflix. Yeah, he had to make his mom proud and be the best little man he could for her.

No matter how unhappy it made him.

* * *

Katherine sat in English class, nervous about her exam grade. She was a perfectionist and ever since she decided to give up her social life, her only focus was her school life. Except, she hadn’t been doing as well as before. She was starting to think that having a social life helped her de-stress. Or at least helped her think better.

After what felt like forever, their teacher finally started handing back their results. She took a deep breath when she got hers. She stared down at the upside-down test, crossed her fingers, and prayed to whatever entity was watching over her that she’d gotten an A. Then she turned it over and exhaled. It was an A...minus.

Katherine nodded to herself. It was still a good grade. Still an A. She told herself she could do better, but that for now it was good enough. Maybe an extra hour of reading every night would help her out.

When the bell rang to let class out, she took her time collecting her things. She’d grown fond of the idea that the rest of the world would have to wait for her. From the back of the class, David came walking to exit through the front. She’d gotten used to saying hi to him every class. He seemed like a nice guy, and what he was doing for the LGBTQ+ Club was admirable.

She waved at him and as he waved back and smiled, he dropped his test grade. She bent down to pick it up and couldn’t help but sneak a peek at the grade. It was an A...plus.

And suddenly she was so curious by it. She wanted to read his answers and the short essays and wanted to know what had separated her minus from his plus. Who was this boy and where did he come from?

“Here you go,” she said, as she handed the test over. “Congrats on the grade.”

“Thanks,” he responded, shrugging, trying to play it off as not a big deal. But to her it was. “It’s nothing compared to your articles in the paper.”

“Modesty…is not a quality I would’ve pinned on one of Jack Kelly’s friends.”

“Uhh…” He shrugged again, clearly not knowing how to respond to that.

“Maybe you should join the paper.” She finished putting away her stuff and picked up her bag. “You’ve got to be a great writer to get that grade on the test.”

“You know, I’ve been considering it,” David said, following her out of the classroom. “My sister wants me to join.”

“Your sister?”

“Sarah.”

Her interest piqued even more. “David Jacobs...Sarah Jacobs...Huh. How did I not catch that?”

“Everyone seems surprised to learn we’re twins.”

“Well, you are different sexes.”

He nodded, as if she’d just pointed out something obvious. “Right.”

“Well, we meet after school in the computer lab if you do decide to join. But we do require some writing samples, just to see what you can write.”

He handed his test over to her. “Consider this my uh...application?”

“Will do, David, thanks,” she said, glad he’d taken the bait. They separated as they each headed to their next class. She skimmed through the test as she walked, focusing in on his writing. He wasn’t the best with words, but he had some great ideas.

After school rolled along and Katherine was surprised to see David was the first one at the computer lab. She took his exam out of her bag and handed it back. “You’re hired,” she said with a smile..

He smiled back, with a small laugh. “No interview?”

“In my paper, we let the writing do the talking.” She sat down at her usual computer and he sat next to her. “It’s still early in the week, so I can still assign you something if you’d like.”

“Might as well give it a try.”

“Good answer.” They discussed ideas for an article, and by the time they’d finished, Denton had arrived with Bill and Darcy. Sarah was the last one to get there, and looked surprised to see her brother.

“I’m joining the paper,” he told her and she nodded quietly. Katherine couldn’t tell if she was pleased or not, but she got to her work quickly, while Denton gave David a tour.

After, Denton had David sit next to Katherine to help her. She found that he was easy to talk to. He was quiet, but spoke up when he had something to say. If she ever did pick up a social life again, she would consider it for him. He seemed like one of those people she could just naturally be friends with. No hassle, no drama, like any good friendship was.

And then the conversation shifted onto Jack. He’d just mentioned him casually and she’d rolled her eyes.

“What’d he do to you?”

She quickly side eyed him, but he looked as if he knew he shouldn’t have asked her that. It was almost cute how sorry he looked.

“Sorry, nevermind.”

She focused intently on her computer screen, but for some reason she felt bad. “So he hasn’t told you?”

He looked surprised at her question. “No. All I know is you two dated and then...you broke up. He looks guilty around you, and you look angry around him so...Obviously he did something to you. But it’s none of my business.”

“You’re right. It isn’t.” She couldn’t concentrate on whatever she was trying to do on the computer.

“But I do know he wants things to be better between you two.”

She gave him a look that told him to go on.

“I’m probably not supposed to tell you this, but he’s drawing a portrait of you for his art class.”

She wasn’t impressed and let David know as much.

“The trust exercises in the LGBTQ+ Club are partly to help you two get to a better place. I think he just wants you to be friends again.”

“Well you can tell him I’ve moved on,” she finally spoke. “Maybe not as quickly as he tends to do, but I have.”

“As he tends to do?”

Maybe she just wanted to add fuel to the fire, because she was still upset over Jack. Maybe she just wanted a way to end the conversation. She couldn’t properly think. “That boy moves on quickly. And vastly. Girls, boys...He can’t help it. That’s why he and I never worked. So I’m glad it’s over, but I don’t want to be his friend. I don’t want to be his anything.”

“Sounds fair,” he said, with a sense of understanding. He looked down at his notebook, where he’d been writing down ideas. She immediately felt bad about her words, but she wasn’t going to bring the subject back up.

She turned and saw Sarah watching them, though not within hearing distance. They smiled at each other and then looked away. Katherine wondered why she was constantly sabotaging her friendships. She needed to stop.

* * *

“I just hate him!” Jojo wasn’t particularly listening to what Race was saying. It was just a rehashing of what he’d been telling him for the past few days. He focused on driving. They were headed to his place to have some drinks and do homework.  “Did you see him in class? He completely ignored me. Like if I wasn’t there. Like if I hadn’t helped improve his grades. Like...like an asshole.”

Spot hadn’t ignored Jojo, however. He’d asked him for help and Jojo did. He’d already told Race that he was Switzerland on the whole subject. On the one hand, Spot’s comments were homophobic, but on the other hand, Race did try to kiss him. And he’d made that stupid gay bet, which Jojo had half a mind to remind him about. But he didn’t think either of his friends was a bad guy so he remained neutral.

“This is why I hate straight guys. If he even is straight. You make one little gay mistake and then they pretend like you never existed. Or like you’re the second coming of the plague. Their fragile masculinity gets the better of them and they reveal their true homophobic colors.”

“Think about the situation though.” Apparently, Jojo couldn’t remain neutral for long. He really just wanted to shut Race up about it. Which he did, in waiting for an explanation. “You wanted to prove that he was gay, and now that you have an answer, and you don’t like it, you don’t have a right to be upset.”

“That’s now what this is about! I’m fine that he’s straight. I don’t care. It’s the fact that he called me - my gayness - my pride and joy - a...lifestyle. As if that wasn’t offensive.”

“I mean, it is kind of a lifestyle.”

“Jojo, what?”

“Not the being gay part,” he quickly told him. “But you are very extra sometimes in the way you carry yourself. I mean, you just called your homosexuality your pride and joy.” Before Race could interrupt, he continued. “And your lifestyle is currently boning any guy you can, or making bets with me about who is gay. There’s nothing wrong with any of that, but you can’t say that’s not a way of living. I mean, look at me.”

They remained quiet as they drove. Jojo could see Race turn to him from the corner of his eye. “There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin either,” Race replied.

“I know, but to say that you and I don’t carry different lifestyles is wrong.”

“Okay, but we weren’t comparing lifestyles, Jo. He was saying homosexuality as a whole was a lifestyle. I can get whoredom and virtue are different, but straight and gay? It’s just who you love. And love is a lifestyle.”

“You don’t love, Race.”

Another pause. “I love you. Maybe not in a gay way, but you know I love you like a brother.”

“I know, Race. I love you too. But face it. This whole thing with Spot was all a game for you. You wanted to out him for a bet.”

“I wouldn’t have outed him to his parents or people at school or whatever. Just to me. Just to have a bit of fun.”

“Yeah, fun.”

Race looked down at his lap, as Jojo turned into his driveway. He parked the car and turned it off, but neither of them moved.

“Look, Race, if you want I can try talking to him. We can all get together and hash this out. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding waiting to be resolved.”

“Why are straight guys so frustrating?”

“Fragile masculinity.”

They both laughed. Jojo took his keys and opened the car door to get out. Race did the same. Minutes later they were in Jojo’s room listening to music. Race made Jojo put on their Broadway playlist because they needed “all the gay muses.”

“Fragile masculinity is right,” Race then said, unprovoked.

Jojo was laying on his floor with his hands behind his head. He looked up at Race questioningly. The other boy was sitting on the bed, looking like he was thinking hard.

“Think about it. He totally wanted to kiss me back.”

“Race, what?”

“You weren’t there, but he totally did. He was staring into my eyes. He was talking to me about unwanted thoughts. What if they were gay thoughts? Yeah…”

Jojo rolled his eyes. He guessed Race didn’t want to patch things up with Spot. He’d just have to remain Switzerland between them for the rest of their lives.

“He’s gay, Jo. He just has a fragile masculinity and he doesn’t want to admit it. He said being gay was a lifestyle. What if he thinks that being straight is the lifestyle he needs, when being gay is the lifestyle he actually is?”

“I thought gay wasn’t a lifestyle?”

“No, it’s not. But in Spot’s mind it is. And he doesn’t want to live that life ‘cause he’s in denial! Because he’s gay. And he wanted to kiss me. That makes sense, right?”

“Sure, Race. Sure.” He was tired of being on the subject.

“I just have to make him see sense. I have to out him to himself.”

“I’m sure if he’s actually gay, he already knows.”

“Yes, Jo, he has gay thoughts, but someone needs to show him that it’s okay. That he doesn’t need to hang on to the idea of straight. That there are other options. That he can be happy.”

“And what if you’re wrong? What if he is straight? And you’re just thinking wishfully?”

“Then he needs to learn that being gay is okay. That even if he does think it’s a lifestyle, that it’s a good lifestyle. But I’m not thinking wishfully. He’s gay, Jojo. My gaydar has never been off.”

It was true, but Jojo still wasn’t sure. “Even if he is gay, what are you going to do to help him?”

“I’m gonna...I don’t know.”

“And if he’s ignoring you at school, what makes you think he’ll give you a chance to talk to him?”

“I don’t know. I need to find a way to trap him or something.”

“That sounds highly problematic.”

“I need your help. You said you wanted us to talk. So get us to talk. Lock us in a closet or something…”

“Lock you in a closet?”

“Yes, so I can help him...come out...of the closet. Get it?”

“You’re an idiot.” But then Jojo had a thought. It was a selfish thought, but one that could work for both of them. “What if we have a party?”

“Jo, yes! I like this idea! Tell me more.”

“We can play seven minutes in heaven. I’ll make him come, you can be here, and you two can literally be locked in a closet. It’s still highly problematic, but maybe with some drinks in him, he can come out or whatever…”

“You think so?”

“And with some drinks in you, you can come to your senses…”

“Let’s do it this weekend. Your parents are away. Your liquor has been restocked. You’re clearly dying to do it.”

“Alright, Race. Let’s have a party.”

“Fuck yeah!” They high-fived before Race pulled Jojo up so they could dance. They were going to have a great weekend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the next chapter is going to be really good. I've been hyping it in my head for a while now at least.


	8. Kissies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jojo has a party and gathers people to play spin the bottle. Jack's bottle lands on Katherine, David's bottle stops on Crutchie, and Spot decides to leave instead of play.

Jojo’s party was not fun for Jack. And the reason for that was Katherine. If she wasn’t there, he wouldn’t feel as guilty. If she wasn’t there, he could relax and have a good time. If she wasn’t there, he could let himself think about Davey and how much he wanted to kiss him. But she was there.

Jojo had invited everyone from the LGBTQ+ Club, and a whole bunch of other people he didn’t know. Jojo seemed to have a lot of friends. Apparently Spot Conlon was one of them. It had been a long time since Jack and Spot had been in the same room together. But even so, Spot was completely ignoring him. And that’s how Jack liked it. Katherine was doing the same, but Jack didn’t like that.

All he wanted was to talk to her, but every time he moved closer, she moved away. All Jack could do was drink and try not to think about her. But he couldn’t stop watching her. Crutchie tried to keep him distracted but it didn’t work. Two lost games of beer pong later, they were feeling the drinks.

And it seemed that so were a few other people. As Jack walked around, he could see Specs and Romeo making out on a bench by the pool, Race and Jojo dancing on a table, and even Sarah doing body shots off of some guy on the wrestling team he didn’t know. Spot was nursing a bottle of beer, though Jack hadn’t been paying enough attention to know if he’d had the same bottle all night. It seemed the only ones who weren’t drinking were Kath and Davey. Typical.

What wasn’t typical is that the two were talking to each other. Davey had told him he’d joined the school paper, but it was weird to see his ex talking with his current crush. And another reason he was distracted.

Before Crutchie could rope him into another game of beer pong, he was happy to see Jojo recruiting people for Seven Minutes in Heaven. He’d finally be able to get some free time away from Kath and Davey. Except when he joined in the circle to spin the bottle, the two of them sat down across from him. Then, from behind them came Crutchie, the obvious schemer who convinced them to participate..

He’d never known Katherine to play such childish games, and Davey just didn’t seem the type. But Crutchie had always gotten along with Katherine, and he was very persuasive. And maybe he just didn’t know Davey like he thought he did. Either way, there they were. His ex, his best friend, and his crush, all sitting across from him. It didn’t help when Crutchie volunteered him to go first.

Jack spun the bottle, hoping it would land on Davey, or at least Crutchie. But of course, when it finally stopped, it was pointed directly at Katherine. And it was too late for both of them to back out. They entered the designated closet and Jojo yelled that he was starting the timer.

Jack and Katherine leaned against opposite sides of the closet, which was dark enough to hide their eyes, but not quiet enough to mask Katherine’s sighs.

Jack spoke first. “So what’d Crutchie say to get you to play this stupid game?”

She sighed again, but replied. “He told me I needed to participate more and assured me I didn’t have to do anything in the closet that I didn’t want to. That the real game took place in the imagination of the other players.”

“What do you think they think we’re doing right now?”

“Probably what we’re doing right now.”

Things got quiet again and Jack wondered how many minutes had gone by. If he had enough time to have an actual conversation with her and tell her how sorry he was, but that their breakup was for the best. She’d never given him the chance to explain, and she probably never would again. It was now or never.

“I’m sorry,” he spoke.

She remained silent.

“I’m sorry for everything. I wish I could redo everything so that I didn’t do what I did to you. But I can’t. I have to live with my mistakes. But I miss you. In more than a physical way. I miss being your friend. I…”

She still wasn’t saying anything, and he wondered if she had fallen asleep or was ignoring him again.

He took a folded sheet of paper from his pocket and held it out for her. For a second, he thought she was ignoring him. That all hope was lost. He and Katherine would never get closure.

But then she took it. She took her phone out and turned on the flashlight to look at the sheet as she unfolded it. She sighed again, but it seemed to be in awe of the drawing.

“Is this...is this the drawing you were doing for your art class?”

“Yeah, how did you…”

“David told me. He...didn’t tell me how beautiful it was.”

“Do you think I captured your beauty?”

“I think you captured beauty and put it on my face. If you don’t get a good grade on this…”

“No, you keep it. This is for you, not for a class.”

“But I can tell you’ve been working for a long time on this. I can’t just take it.”

“Sure you can. It’s complete now. And I can always start something new for art class. That teacher loves me. Keep it Kath.”

She turned the flashlight off and held the drawing to her chest. “Thank you, Jack. I love it.”

“Happy to hear it.”

For a couple of seconds, they were silent again, but then Jack heard a shift and felt Katherine coming close to him. Maybe she was going to hug him, or maybe try to kiss him, or maybe something else. He’d be lying if he said he would have rejected any of her advances. But then the door opened and the lights blinded them for a second. It was Jojo, informing them time was up.

So maybe it wasn’t the best reunion, but he’d talked to her and apologized. If this didn’t affect their relationship positively, nothing would.At least she’d taken his drawing and hadn’t ripped it up like he thought she would.

They exited the closet and he immediately wanted to tell Crutchie and Davey what had happened. They both sat back down in their seat and then Crutchie volunteered to spin the bottle. It spun and spun...and landed on Davey. They both looked at each other, shrugged, and headed to the closet. With no one else in the circle he wanted to stick around for, Jack headed outside to hang out by the pool.

Specs and Romeo were nowhere to be seen, but there were still lots of people outside. Some were in the pool and others in the hot tub, but most were just hanging out like him. He sat on a bench to people-watch and wait for Crutchie or Davey to come to him. Instead, a slightly drunk Sarah sat down next to him.

“Hey, Jacky.” She giggled and he giggled back.

“Hey, Sarah.” He liked Sarah. She was fun to hang around, and though they riled each other up in class, they each brought the other back down to earth sometimes.

“I saw you and Katherine in the closet...Anything happen?” She poked him and he smiled. This was a think they’d been doing as of lately. Teasing each other whenever someone of the opposite sex got too chummy with them. With all the girls that had crushes on Jack and all the guys that had crushes on Sarah, it wasn’t hard.

“No...We just talked. I gave her a drawing.”

Sarah feigned offense and lightly punched him on the arm. “When am I gonna get a drawing?”

“You have to get in the closet with me to get a drawing,” he replied with a laugh.

“I don’t think my brother would like that...Things might happen between us,” she teased.

But all Jack heard was that Davey wouldn’t like that and his thoughts were filled with so many questions. Why didn’t he want anything to happen between him and Sarah? Was it because Davey liked him? Or was it just because he was Davey’s friend? “Why wouldn’t he want things to happen between us?”

She shrugged and put her arms around his neck. “Probably ‘cause I’d take away his best friend.”

“Oh, you think you’d be able to take me away from him?” He was teasing her again; he knew if Davey wanted him, no one would be able to take him away.

“I think given the chance, yeah. But you’re one of the few non-gay boys who wouldn’t give me a chance. It’s kind of odd to me.”

“Well, you’re one of the few non-gay girls who wouldn’t give me a chance, so…”

“Oh, but can’t you see I’m dying for you, Jacky?” she said with a giggle.

He giggled back and put his hands on her waist. “Oh, well why didn’t you say so? We could’ve been the it couple of the school by now.”

“We’d be the envy of all. Jack and Sarah. Jarah they’d call us.”

“Mmm...how romantic.” They laughed once again, this time looking each other in the eyes for a little longer than they usually did. He noticed her look down at his lips and blush slightly as she looked back up. She looked so pretty and they were so close. He felt himself lean closer to her so that their foreheads were touching. And then she closed the gap between their lips.

They kissed for a few seconds of tipsy bliss, but separated when they heard the house music stop. A woman was heard yelling, “Jorgelino Josephino De La Guerra!” But Jack wasn’t worried about that. He was worried about the faces looking at him and Sarah. Crutchie, Katherine, and Davey were all there staring. Why had he done that?

* * *

David hadn’t even wanted to go to the party. Not at first at least. But Sarah insisted, since their parents wouldn’t let her go unless he went too. And David knew they only reason they’d said that was because they knew he’d never go to a party.

But then he got to talking to Katherine about the party. She told him she’d only ever gone to one of Jojo’s parties and it wasn’t bad. But she wasn’t going to go to this one. David figured it was because she knew Jack would be there.

That had been one of Sarah’s selling points, but David already knew that, and he didn’t know if he wanted to spend time with a drunk Jack. From what Sarah had told him, drunk people weren’t fun when you were sober. And David didn’t intend to drink.

But he found it fun trying to convince Katherine to go to the party. He never thought she’d agree, but on Friday, a day before the party, she finally said she’d go. Just to get him to stop asking. And so, because Katherine was going, now he had to go.

He didn’t think the party was that great at first. Even though Jack and Crutchie were there, he hadn’t gone to talk to them because he was spending all his time with Katherine. Sarah had gone off on her own to take shots or play beer pong or something. In the back of his mind he could hear his father berating him for not watching over his sister.

He and Katherine kept talking about the paper or English class, and he kept trying to change the subject, but he kept getting distracted by Jack. He couldn’t tell if he was looking at him or at Katherine, but he was definitely staring in their direction. She could probably tell too, because she kept turning around and walking off, expecting him to follow. And David did. He didn’t want to be left alone at the party. And he didn’t want Katherine to leave because she didn’t have anyone to talk to either.

A few hours into the party and Jojo started calling people inside to play Seven Minutes in Heaven. David had heard of this game and seen it several times on screen, so he knew it wasn’t a game for him. Katherine didn’t make a move to go inside either.

“Are you bored?” she asked. “I’m bored. And thirsty. I don’t trust any of the drinks here.”

“I’m sure Jojo has sodas or something. I can go and get you one.”

Katherine made a face like she would rather not. She wasn’t kidding about not trusting any of the drinks.

“But yes, I’m also bored,” he answered.

“Then you should go inside and play the game,” came a voice from behind them. David and Katherine turned around to see Crutchie chugging down whatever was in his red cup. The boy was beyond tipsy. He threw the cup on the ground and then put his arms around the two of them. “C’mon, it’ll be fun.”

“I’d rather not…” David started.

“...It’s not my game,” Katherine continued.

“But you two are bored! And you need to participate more! These are your high school years. You’re never gonna get them back. Kathy, when you’re thirty and taking over the planet like Lois Lane, you’re gonna look back to this day and think, ‘Wow, I’m sure glad I got that out of my system back then.’ And you, Dayvo, when you’re a doctor, or lawyer, or business executive, you’re gonna look back and relive those fun memories so you can healthily get back to your boring job.”

Katherine and David looked at each other, not sure if they should go through with it. Was this what peer pressure felt like?

“Think of this as one of those trust exercises in the queer club,” Crutchie went on. “Trust me. You’ll be fine. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want when you’re in the closet. Most people don’t even talk. Besides, the real game is played after you leave the closet. The people outside wonder what went on inside, but you have the power. Only you know what happened, and you can hold that over them. And they can wonder what went on inside.”

Katherine sighed and shrugged at David. Okay, so they were doing this. He was going to play his first game of Seven Minutes in Heaven.

They sat down opposite Jack, who was the first to spin the bottle. He half hoped it would land on him, though if it did, he didn’t know what they would do in that closet. But it landed on Katherine.

He hoped they’d have a nice talk and that they could get along again. The more friends in their group, the better. They returned and he saw Katherine had a drawing in her hand. The one from art class that Jack had spent weeks working on. He hoped that was a good sign.

Then it was Crutchie’s turn to spin. He watched the bottle spin that he didn’t realize at first that it had stopped on him. He looked at Crutchie and they shrugged.

Once inside the closet, Crutchie leaned against the wall opposite him. David was nervous, though he didn’t know why.

“So, Davey, do you wanna make out?” Crutchie ran the bottom of his crutch up the bottom of David’s leg seductively. The taller boy shivered.

Crutchie wasn’t ugly. He was actually pretty cute. It was a wonder David hadn’t thought of him in that way before. He wouldn’t have minded making out with Crutchie.

“Relax, I’m just joking. We can just stand here and talk. Like normal.”

“Okay, that sounds good.” He tried to relax, but he could feel Crutchie’s eyes on him. Did he want him to make a move? Or was he really just joking? He told himself this would be the first and last time he played this stupid game.

“I’ve been watching you, Dave.”

David remained silent. Was Crutchie about to confess something?

“Like the way you’ve been acting around Jack lately.”

Or maybe he was going to accuse him of something.

“Like you’re trying to act normal, but in doing so you look less normal.”

Was he that see-through? Or was it just that Crutchie was aware of things other people weren’t?

“You have a thing for Jack, don’t you?”

David could feel himself going red, but he still didn’t say anything. If he said no, he’d be lying. And if he said yes...He didn’t know what would happen if he said yes.

“It’s okay, man. You wouldn’t be the first...”

They were both quiet for a second. The way Crutchie trailed off seemed odd to David. Like he was trying to communicate something. Of course he wasn’t the first to like Jack. There had been Katherine, and other girls at school he’d always seen flirting with Jack. But the way Crutchie said it...sounded almost sad. As if Crutchie had missed out. As if Crutchie was always there, watching and waiting and… “Crutchie, you have a thing for Jack too don’t you?”

A quiet laugh escaped Crutchie’s mouth. “Too?”

“You’re always with him. You’re always so touchy-feely...Why aren’t you two together?”

“Too…” Crutchie repeated. “You gave yourself away.”

He had. But now he knew Crutchie was in the same boat, which made him feel better. And worse at the same time. Because if Crutchie has the same feelings for Jack, then he had even less of a chance than he had before.

“We can’t be together,” Crutchie said after a moment of silence. “For many reasons.”

“What’s the best one?”

“Same as the worst one.”

“Tell me.”

“How many minutes are left?”

“I need to know. I need a reason to stop having a thing for him.”

Crutchie sighed. “His relationships never last. He always does something to ruin them. Which is why nothing can happen between us. Because if he breaks my heart, then I’ll have no one. So I’d rather be in love with my best friend and know nothing can happen, than be with him for a short time and lose him forever.”

Seconds later, the door opened and they left the closet. David still had Crutchie’s words in his head. It seemed like a flawed way to think about Jack. While that might’ve been enough for Crutchie, it wasn’t enough for him. It just made him want to know about all of Jack’s relationships and everything he’d done. He just couldn’t imagine Jack doing anything so terrible.

“I promise I won’t say anything,” he told Crutchie and the other boy nodded back.

They saw that Jack and Katherine weren’t playing the game anymore and decided to go look for them outside. They reached the backyard and David saw Jack talking with Sarah. He nudged Crutchie to point at them and then something unexpected happened. Jack and Sarah kissed.

So there they were, two guys with a thing for Jack Kelly, watching Jack Kelly have a thing with someone else. David didn’t know how to feel. Jealous, angry, sad.

He looked down at Crutchie and saw something different. Something hollow, like he’d seen this several times and wasn’t bothered by it. Like he was blocking his feelings out so that he didn’t have to go through heartbreak. And he was a pro at it.

He looked back at his sister and his best friend, too distracted to even notice the commotion going on inside the house that finally made Jack and Sarah part lips. They looked up and saw them staring back. He wanted to go home.

* * *

Spot didn’t want to see Race. But at the same time he did. He just wanted to stare at the other boy from afar, though he knew that was weird and stalkerish. He knew after what had happened with them, he had to stay away. The closer he got to Race, the more tempted he was.

Then there was the party. He could have not showed up. He’d told Jojo he was going, but he didn’t have to. He could’ve made up some excuse like he’d fallen asleep or he was on a date. Except Sarah was going to be there too. They still hadn’t even gone on a date.

But he wasn’t doing anything that night and he’d accidentally answered when Jojo had called him, so he had to go. A bunch of the guys on the wrestling team were at the party, so at least he had people to be around. He didn’t talk much, and he grabbed a beer so he’d have something to drink whenever people did try to talk to him.

Jack and his friend with the crutch were hogging the beer pong table, so he couldn’t distract himself with a game. Sarah was having fun drinking so he didn’t want to disturb her. Jojo was being social and going from group to group being a great host. And then he saw Race.

The blond was in the pool, playing with a beach ball and some other people he didn’t know. Spot took in Race’s body and then turned away. He immediately wanted to look again, but he knew that was a bad idea. He decided to go inside instead, and see if anyone could distract him with a conversation.

This worked for a while, until he saw Race come inside the house. Jojo immediately scolded him for getting water in the house, but then Race pointed out another person who was spilling liquid in the kitchen. Spot would’ve laughed, but he remembered he was supposed to be staying away from Race. It didn’t help that Race hadn’t put a shirt on. Once again, Spot had to leave the room.

He went upstairs where several people were making out in the hallways and the bedrooms, except Jojo’s. Spot saw there was a sign on the door that said, DO NOT ENTER, and when he tried to open it, it was locked. He walked back down the hall and saw Race at the top of the stairs. Was he following him? Without even acknowledging him, he walked past the boy and down the stairs. Then he looked up to see that Race was watching him.

Spot went outside to look for Sarah. At least she could distract him. When he finally found her, she was doing body shots off of one of his teammates. He wondered how much liquor she’d had and how much more she could hold. She was starting to worry him, but he didn’t want to be the one to ruin her fun. Didn’t she have a brother to look after her? He’d never officially met the guy, but he’d seen him a few times when he dropped Sarah off, so he knew what he looked like.

He started to look for him when he caught a glimpse of Race. He was back outside, this time with Jojo, and they were dancing on a table. Race still didn’t have a shirt on, which was starting to annoy him. He turned around to go towards the pool but was shocked to see two guys making out. It was as if the universe was telling him he needed to leave. And then Jojo started running around telling people he was starting a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. Yep, that was definitely his cue to leave.

“Hey, Jo, I’m heading out,” he told him when Jojo finally got around to him.

“No, come on!” Spot could tell Jojo was a little drunk. He grabbed onto Spot’s arm and gave him a sad puppy look. “Play with us. I promise it’ll be fun.”

“I don’t like that game, Jo. I’m better off just going. I’m not having a good time, anyway.”

Jojo’s puppy pout turned into an genuine frown and he nodded. “Alright, Spot. You don’t have to stay. Sorry, you’re not enjoying yourself.”

“Hey, it’s a great party nonetheless. I’m just not in the mood for it tonight.”

Jojo nodded and then went back to recruiting people for the game.

Spot saw Race going to join, or maybe seeing if Spot was going to join. But he wasn’t going to be roped into sharing a closet with Race. He walked in the opposite direction and sneaked into the bathroom. He peed and washed his hands, looking into the mirror. He wondered what it was that made it obvious to Race. Was it the way he acted? The way he spoke? He wanted to pinpoint it so he could suppress it. He had to be as straight as possible.

After sulking in his own thoughts, he exited the restroom and headed to the front door. As he passed by the living room, he saw the game of Seven Minutes in Heaven had already started. He saw Jack and the newspaper girl coming out of the closet and imagined himself in there with Race. He didn’t know if he would be able to control himself. Race, however, was not sitting in the circle where the others were playing. Where was he?

His question was answered when he went out the front door. He didn’t know if Race was waiting for him or not, but he was standing there on the porch, but with a t-shirt on. Again, ignoring him, he walked past.

“Spot wait.”

He paused without turning around, waiting to see what Race wanted. He half-wished he’d just kept on walking, but he was curious.

“Look, I’m sorry.” Race walked over and stood next to him. Spot looked straight ahead, though he could see Race had his head down. “I’m sorry I tried to kiss you and I’m sorry I made things weird. Jojo helped me see I was being unreasonable and that...well, that I need to not come on so strong with all my feelings.”

Spot remained silent. He hadn’t expected this at all. Had that been the reason why Race had followed him all night? Just to be the bigger man and apologize? He tried replaying the whole night over, to try to make sense of it all. Race had probably just been trying to get up the courage to talk to him.

“I just want to be friends and get past all this,” Race said.

And that would’ve been fine. Spot could have lived with that. Except, he’d gone the whole night thinking Race wanted something more from him. That Race wanted to seduce him and get him into a closet and kiss him. And the fact was that somewhere inside him, Spot wanted it to happen. It was wishful thinking. And he knew that the more time he spent with Race, especially now that he knew he was gay, the more wishful thinking he’d do. And he couldn’t have that.

“I’m sorry, Higgins, but I can’t be friends with you,” he said. “I can’t be friends with a gay guy.” And he couldn’t tell him the reasons behind it. He couldn’t admit that to anyone.

Race scoffed and then spit at Spot’s shoes. “Fuck you Conlon, you homophobic prick. I thought you were better than that but I guess the fuck not.” He turned to walk away but then turned back. “You know, actually? I feel sorry for you. Because at least I can be out and proud, but you, you’ll never be happy living in that closet of yours. You’re just gonna fester and affect all the people around you...No, I feel more sorry for them. Because you at least have a chance to be honest with yourself. Asshole.”

Spot just nodded. Race could spout whatever he wanted, but he wasn’t going to let it get to him. If he had to be honest, he hated himself. It wasn’t just the gay thing. It was several things. Several things he didn’t want to think about at that moment, because if he did, he might just lose himself and his composure. Luckily, his thoughts were interrupted by a car coming in the driveway.

“Oh shit,” he heard Race say. “Shit, that’s Jojo’s parents. They’re not supposed to be here. And Jojo isn’t supposed to be having a party.”

At this, Spot turned around and began to run back to the house. “We have to warn him, then.” They ran back in just as the next couple was getting out of the closet. Sarah’s brother and the crutch boy. Spot didn’t stop long enough to think about what they could’ve been doing in the closet, and instead just went over directly to Jojo.

“Jo, your parents are here,” Race told him immediately.

“What? Shit.”

“Yeah, shit,” Race repeated.

Jojo’s face went from shocked to analytical to mischievous, and then shrugged. “Oh well, too late to kick everyone out.”

Race looked over to Spot, but Spot just shook his head. If Jojo didn’t want to do anything, he couldn’t make him do anything. Besides, his parents were moments from walking in through the front door so there wasn’t much they could do anyway.

Spot looked toward the front door and saw the handle turning. He decided at that moment to run to the back yard. He didn’t feel like seeing Jojo get in trouble. When he got there, he saw Sarah with Jack, and suddenly remembered he was going to tell her brother to watch over her. But then they kissed. Despite having seen that gay couple making out earlier, this was more shocking.

He remembered that she’d told him she knew Jack. He just hadn’t known that there was something going on between them. Back in the house, he heard a woman yelling out Jojo’s full name, and that snapped Spot back to Earth. It was time for him to leave. For real this time.

He left through the back and beat the rush, running for a few minutes. Then he let himself relax. He didn’t know what to think about Sarah and Jack. He couldn’t exactly be jealous, since they still hadn’t even gone on a date. But he was irked that she hadn’t told him there was someone else. He felt like he was wasting him time.

And then he felt bad for thinking that. Because he didn’t want Sarah to just a means to an end, and Spot couldn’t help but feel that that’s what she was for him. Maybe Race was right. He would fester and affect the people around him. And he’d end up hurting Sarah one way or another. He didn’t want that. She didn’t deserve that.

“Hey, I wasn’t fucking done with you!”

Spot turned around and saw Race running toward him. How hadn’t he noticed that Race was following him?

“You didn’t let me finish telling you how much of an asshole you are.”

“Higgins, stop,” Spot said, as Race finally caught up.

“No, you’re gonna let me finish, because you need to know how wrong you are and how problematic you’re being!”

“Higgins…”

“Shut the fuck up and listen here.” Race was getting too close now. Spot could almost feel his warm breath on his face. He backed up, but Race just got closer. He had to push Race back. “Don’t fucking push me.”

“Higgins, you need to stop now, or else…”

“Or else?” Race looked amused. “Or else, what?” He only kept getting closer.

“Or else I’ll…” Spot grabbed a fistful of Race’s shirt and pushed him against a nearby wall. He was angry, but once he looked into the other boy’s eyes, he forgot what he was supposed to be doing.

Race's eyes traveled down to Spot's lips, while he licked his own. Spot noticed this and at that moment their eyes were drawn back to each other. Spot's brown eyes looked back and forth between Race's blue ones until he couldn't take it anymore.

Spot kissed Race, taking a deep breath as he did so. Spot still had one hand ahold of Race's shirt. The other traveled to his waist. Race's hands grabbed onto Spot's hair, pulling his head closer toward him. It had only taken that for Spot's tongue to enter Race's mouth, and for Race's tongue to meet it and attempt to fend it off, to no avail. Finally, Race's lips took hold of Spot's lower and he sucked on it, until the two boys were able to separate.

Spot's eyes flew open and he was once again staring into deep blue. Race had a smile on his face, but Spot looked confused. And angry. Not at Race, but at himself. He'd kissed a boy. Again. And not the same way he'd ever kissed a girl. No, this was intense, like a craving, not something that felt necessary.

Spot noticed he still had a fistful of Race's shirt, and unclenched in order to take a step back. He wanted to do it again, but he also wanted to run home and hide. He looked around to see if anyone had witnessed. And then he looked back at Race, and took another step back. “Don’t...Race, don’t kiss me again.”

Race smirked at him and responded, “You’re the one that kissed me, dumbass. And boy, was it hot.”

“Shut up.”

“I wouldn’t mind if you kissed me again.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Mmm kiss me again and I will.”

“Goddamnit HIggins, will you stop saying that?”

“Grab my shirt again; it turned me on.”

“SHUT. UP.” Spot clenched his right hand into a fist and raised it up, thrusting it toward Race’s face. The other boy flinched and closed his eyes, turning his head and raising his hands to shield himself. He let out a small whimper. Before Spot’s hand could make contact, he stopped. What was he doing? Was he really going to do this again? No, he couldn’t.

Race opened his eyes and looked at Spot, but Spot was already running off. There were only two options he saw if he stayed. Either he would kiss Race, or beat him up. And he didn’t want to do that. So he ran home, crawled into bed, and cried himself to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than usual. I swear the Sprace scene was not to meant to be so long, but I wanted to include Jojo's parents coming home and Spot seeing Sarah. Hope you all enjoyed it and I'll try to have the next chapter up soon!


	9. Apologsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah goes around apologizing to people, Jack thinks David hates him, and Jojo has a hard time believing Race's story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, it's been a long time since I updated. And about 6 months since I started. My initial goal was to have this whole work done by today, but as we can see, that didn't happen. Now my goal is to finish by 6 months time. We'll see how that goes. So I actually wrote the first part of this chapter back in December, but didn't have the drive to finish it until now. Hope you enjoy it!

Sarah woke up with a hangover the day after the party. She recalled David taking her home after Jojo’s parents had kicked everyone out. But more importantly, she remembered kissing Jack. And she remembered seeing David staring at them. And Spot. And Katherine.

Sarah sat up in bed and immediately regretted it. Her head was pounding, urging her to go back to bed. She took some painkillers and drank a bottle of water before doing so. Her parents and David were still in bed. Les was watching cartoons and eating cereal but he didn’t ask any questions. She wished she was still his age, naive enough to not have to worry about kisses and hangovers.

When she woke up again, it was because her mom wanted to know if she was okay. Sleeping in past noon wasn’t normal for any of them. Though her mom might have suspected she had a hangover. She wasn’t particularly quiet when she made Sarah get up.

David was in his room, but his door was open, so everyone knew he was awake. Sarah knocked on the doorframe and he looked at her. His expression was lifeless, which is how she knew he wasn’t happy with her. He looked back at his computer screen without saying anything.

“Dave, I’m sorry.” She walked in and leaned against his wall. “Last night I was being really dumb. That kiss didn’t mean anything and I don’t even remember what I was thinking.” But she could remember why she’d done it. She was just curious and wanted to see what it would feel like. She was even more disappointed in herself now that she knew she hadn’t felt anything. “David, I promise you have nothing to worry about with me and Jack. We were both drunk.”

David was still looking at his computer, but his eyes were fixed to one spot as if he was listening closely to what she was saying.

“Dave, say something. Please.”

After a second, he turned to her with a worried expression on his face. “Do you like him? Like...more than a friend?”

“No, Dave. Just friends. That’s all we are, I promise.”

“Are you sure?”

“Cross my heart.”

He nodded, but his expression remained the same. He remained silent for a few more seconds before quietly and nervously saying, “I think I do.”

“What?”

“I think I like him.”

“Oh.” It made sense now why he didn’t want her to be with Jack. It made sense why he was part of the LGBTQ+ Club, and why he suddenly had a best friend, and probably why he’d agreed to go to the party. “You think you like him? You don’t know for sure?”

David looked at the open door, as if he was worried someone was going to eavesdrop. Sarah took the hint and closed it. “I just know that I always want to be around him and I want to stare at him all the time and…” He shrugged.

“And...do you want to kiss him?” Sarah asked. David went a little red at the cheeks and shrugged again. Of course he wanted to kiss him. “Maybe you should tell him.”

“No. No, I can’t do that. That would be worse than if you got with him. Because then...Well, he probably doesn’t even like me like that anyway.”

“You’ll never know if you don’t ask, Dave.”

“Is that what you would do?”

“I...I don’t know. If I trusted him enough to call him my best friend, then maybe. But usually guys tell me that they like me first so...You know it’s different with me.” She’d never liked anyone like that before. She’d thought maybe she could with Jack, but after kissing him, and now finding out her brother liked him, she didn’t think she and Jack would work out. But she knew Jack wasn’t her only option.

Sarah and David continued talking for awhile, and he finally told her he forgave her. She left his room and knew the next person she needed to talk to was Spot. She texted him and waited for his response, which didn’t come for several hours. Eventually they made plans to meet at Jacobi’s in the evening.

She got there first and ordered a burger meal. In waiting for him to respond, she’d forgotten to eat, and now she was starving. Spot didn’t get there until she had finished eating. She was dipping the leftover fries in her milkshake, thinking she’d been stood up.

“Sorry I’m late. I was helping my mom clean,” Spot said as he sat down across from her.

“It’s fine.” She was just glad he’d shown up at all. “I’m the one who needs to be sorry. I...shouldn’t have kissed Jack last night.”

Spot shook his head. “It’s fine. It’s not like we’re exclusive or anything. It’s not like we’ve even gone on a date.”

Sarah sighed, wondering if she and Spot were over before they’d even begun. She asked herself again why she’d kissed Jack last night. She could have kissed Spot instead. He was so nice to her and they had clicked more than she ever had with Jack. She wasn’t head over heels for him, but she didn’t feel that way for Jack either.

But maybe she could. In time, maybe she could feel that way for him. Maybe the reason she hadn’t felt anything with Jack the night before was because she hadn’t known him long enough and she didn’t have explicit feelings for him. Or maybe it was the alcohol. Either way, she needed to give this thing with Spot a chance.

She smiled at him and slid her tray of fries over at him. “This could be our date.”

Spot’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Look, I don’t want to stand in the way if you and Jack Kelly have a thing…”

“Jack’s just a friend and that’s all I ever want to be with him. But you…” She shrugged. “I like you, Spot. And if you and I have something here...I’d like to see where it goes. So let’s finish these fries and then...we can play some games. Sound like a good enough date?”

Spot smiled and nodded. They finished the fries and then walked around the place trying out different games and talking like they usually did. As far as a date, it went well. Spot walked Sarah home afterwards, but hesitated before leaving.

Sarah knew what it was. End of first date jitters. She felt it too. She knew what usually happened during first dates. The kiss. Though as far as she was concerned, she’d had enough kisses in the past twenty-four hours. They both looked at each other for a few seconds before blushing and chuckling. “We...don’t have to kiss,” she finally said.

“Alright,” he agreed. “But we should definitely go on another date. We can work up to it. This was fun.”

“It was.” They smiled at each other and then Spot took a step forward, giving her...a hug. She embraced him for a few seconds, relieved it wasn’t a kiss. “See you at school tomorrow,” she said as they parted ways.

But even though she and Spot were fine, she felt a little sick when she thought about going to school the next day. Because the next person she had to be okay with was Katherine. And she thought that somehow that would be the hardest conversation she would have to have so far.

She found Katherine at lunch the next day interviewing students about the cafeteria food. She was going to write a piece in the paper about the effects of unhealthy public school food on the student body. Sarah knew Katherine had been interviewing kids for weeks and so far, she hadn’t even seen a rough draft of it. She figured Katherine was saving it for a really special edition.

Sarah waited until Katherine was done to approach her.

“What is it, Jacobs?” Katherine asked, surprising Sarah, who was coming from behind. “I saw you waiting for me.”

“I just...was wondering if we could talk.” Why was she so more nervous about this than she was talking to Spot? And why did she want Katherine’s forgiveness more than she wanted her brother’s?

“About what?”

“The party the other night. And how...you saw Jack and I kissing.”

Katherine raised a brow and tilted her head slightly.

“I know he’s your ex and...Well, I don’t want you to think me and him…”

“Sarah, I’m gonna stop you right there.” Katherine held up a finger. “Your first mistake was thinking it’s any of my business who Jack Kelly kisses. Your second mistake was thinking I give any…” She turned her hand palm upward. “For lack of a better word...fucks, about who you kiss. So if you can please stop wasting my time--”

“I just want you to know,” Sarah interrupted, “that your friendship matters more to me than...any boy that I kiss.” Katherine remained silent. “Your approval matters to me and...by the way you’ve acted around him, I can tell you don’t like Jack. So obviously he’s not...dating material. For me at least. Because it’s none of my business who Jack Kelly kisses either.”

Katherine seemed to soften up a little at these words. “Just because I can’t stand him...It doesn’t mean…” She scoffed at herself and then took a deep breath. “Okay, Sarah, I get it. You respect my opinions. But they’re my opinions. You’re allowed to have your own. However...I’m glad that you value my friendship in that way. I too enjoy your company and...honestly, whoever you allow to kiss you is lucky in my book.” She looked uncomfortable saying those words, but Sarah could tell she meant them.

“Thank you for being a friend,” she replied, and then laughed to herself. “Traveled down the road and back again.” Katherine looked confused. “Your heart is true...You’re a pal and a confidant?” The editor didn’t seem to get it. “Nevermind. I’ll see you after school, Katherine.”

Sarah walked a few steps before she was called back. “Sarah, wait.” Katherine had that awkward look on her face again. “Would you like to go to a function with me?”

“A function?”

“It’s this stupid event my dad’s making me go to. He’s being honored or something. And he wants me to bring a date.”

“A date?” She’d already gone on one too many dates in the past twenty-four hours.

“He never said it had to be a guy. And it’d be nice to have a friend there. If you say no, I’ll have to ask Bill or Darcy, who are way less better company than you--”

“Yes!”

“Yes?”

“Yes. I’d love to go with you.” It was the easiest decision she’d ever made. She’d been wanting to get to know Katherine better, and while getting secondhand information from Darcy and Bill was nice, getting it from the source would be much more satisfying.

“Okay, great,” Katherine said with a smile. “Let me give you the details then.”

Finally, Sarah felt like the girl was letting her in.

* * *

 

Davey was nowhere to be seen. Jack and Crutchie sat at their usual desks in Miss Medda’s room, each of them eating a burger. Except Jack didn’t feel like eating. His stomach had felt uneasy ever since the party. He’d texted both Davey and Sarah to apologize. The last thing he needed was his crush to think he had a thing for his sister. Sarah had replied telling him everything was fine, but Davey had left him on read.

And now he was missing at lunch. “He’s probably just out sick or something,” Crutchie said, trying to make him feel better. But Jack shook his head; he had heard from Race that Davey had showed up to PE, so he couldn’t be out sick or something. Which meant he was avoiding him.

Of course, Jack’s worry was as to why he was avoiding him. Was it because he wanted to protect his sister? Or was it because he was jealous of her? Jack couldn’t help but visualize a future in which he and Davey were together. He could picture it so clear, he was tempted to draw it for art class. Except, if he was wrong about Davey…

Maybe it was best to stick with the plan and remain friends. Because if Davey only saw him as a friend, it would ruin the friendship, and every lunch from then on would be exactly like the one he was currently having.

“Anyone ever tell you you think about boys too much?” Jack came out of his thoughts to side eye Crutchie. “And girls.” Jack rolled his eyes. “Look, if he’s here, you’ll see him next period. Even if he’s avoiding you, he’s too square to ditch class.”

It was true, which relieved Jack a little bit. Though, there was still that tiny chance that Davey would ditch class. But he couldn’t avoid him forever. He could at least talk to Sarah in his last class about the whole thing.

Jack finished his burger and distracted himself and his obviously bored best friend with talk about ideas for trust exercises. It’s what Davey would have talked about if he’d been there. Crutchie didn’t seem all too distracted, but he played along for Jack’s sake.

After lunch, Crutchie wished him luck and walked to his next class. Jack went to his but stood outside until the last minute. If he went inside and saw that Davey wasn’t there, he knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on his next project. He knew he had to come up with a new one since he’d given Katherine his old one.

He opened the door and...there Davey was. Sitting in his usual seat, setting up his artwork on the desk. Jack sighed in relief, but slowly walked to his seat, hoping he wasn’t just having a hallucination. As he sat down, Davey turned to him and smiled like he usually did.

Except it was different. It was as if he was faking it. It was the type of smile he’d known Crutchie to give. It seemed happy, but it was somewhere in the opposite direction. Or maybe Jack was just imagining things.

“Hey, where were you at lunch?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah, sorry. I was just helping Katherine out with stuff from the paper.”

Katherine was another one of those people he’d felt he’d disappointed. At least she never wore a fake smile when a smile wasn’t what she was feeling. “Oh, cool. No worries. Just missed you, that’s all.”

Davey didn’t even look up at that, but just gave a quick chortle. It made the smile on Jack’s face falter as he tried to think of something new to talk about.

Throughout the whole class, Davey didn’t talk as much as he usually did. He seemed reserved, almost cold. Every time Jack tried to start a new conversation, it was as if Davey just shut it down. He’d say a few words and then nothing. Jack even tried to make a few jokes and for the first time, Davey didn’t laugh at them. He barely even acknowledged them.

The whole time he just wanted to bring up the subject of the kiss with Sarah, but he couldn’t. He wanted to ask him why he’d never texted back, but he was scared of the answer. He tried to act like everything was normal even though it wasn’t.

Jack tried focusing on his work, but all he could think of was Davey. He kept stealing glances at the taller boy, hoping he’d say something or at least look back at him. Instead, Davey was concentrating hard on his project.

It was a terrible feeling to know that not only your crush, but also one of your best friends, suddenly hated you. Or at least was acting very standoffish. It had happened once before, and it had taken a long time to get over. Jack didn’t want history to repeat itself, but he also didn’t want to push Davey away by saying anything.

After class, Davey smiled again and said goodbye, before quickly leaving to his next class. Jack took his time, trying to process that he was probably losing another friend. He got to his chemistry class and was relieved to see Sarah. She had a genuine smile for him, though it did look awkward.

“Hey there, hot lips,” she said, making him bring his face to his palm in shame, a smile on his face.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

“No, I shouldn’t have.” Jack lowered his hand and saw that Sarah also looked ashamed. “But I did.”

“We did.” She pat the seat next to her for him to sit down, which he did.

“Yes. So...Still friends?”

“Of course. Just friends?”

“Please, Jack. I’m way too out of your league for us to ever be anything more.” She elbowed him lightly in the rib and they both laughed.

The class continued normally, the way Jack wished it had gone the previous period. It was so easy to be around Sarah that he’d almost forgotten about Davey...until she brought him up.

“Hey, how was Dave last period?”

He struggled with what to say. He didn’t want to sound all dramatic, and he knew it wasn’t too bad. He wanted to convey that he seemed off, but instead said, “He hates me.” And tried to laugh it off.

“No, he doesn’t.”

“He does. He totally thinks I’m after you.”

“Ugh, Jack, I’m telling you he doesn’t.”

“He’s playing the big brother role and he doesn’t approve of me, even though I’m not even into you like that.”

“Jack.” Sarah grabbed his face and turned it towards hers, looking him straight in the eyes. Was she going to kiss him again? “He doesn’t hate you. Trust me. It’s the complete opposite.”

“But he was being so weird in class…”

“He’s probably trying to freeze you out so he doesn’t have to think about his own feelings.”

“What feelings?” Feelings? Like...feelings? Friendly feelings? Romantic feelings? Feely feelings?

It was her turn to hesitate. Though she quickly recovered with a sound suggestion. “Talk to him. Like, a real talk. For calling each other best friends, you two don’t communicate well.”

She wasn’t wrong. But it wasn’t an easy task. It was one thing to flirt. It was one thing to draw. It was one thing to talk to Crutchie about his feelings. But to actually talk to Davey? To be vulnerable around him? To let him see his weaknesses and imperfections? That was going to be difficult.

* * *

 

There was a tap at the bedroom window. Jojo didn’t have to look to know who it was. There was only one person who ever tapped on his window anymore. “Hey Race,” he said, as he opened it to let his best friend in.

“Hey,” Race replied. “So you’re in big trouble, huh.”

“How can you tell?”

“You haven’t answered any of your texts. Did you parents take your phone away?”

Jojo picked up his phone to show Race he still had it. “Turned it off. Didn’t feel like talking to anyone.”

“Is that why you weren’t at school today either?”

“I wanted to spend time with my mom and dad but...they were in and out of the house. I don’t think they even noticed I was home.”

“That’s fucked up. Let’s go out.”

Jojo shrugged. “Eh. I don’t really feel like going out.”

“Not even to celebrate? There could be drinks involved…”

A quiet chuckle came out of Jojo as he shook his head. The last thing he needed was to be drinking. The night of the party, after everyone was gone, he couldn’t stop giggling while his parents scolded him. He blamed the alcohol and then laughed even more. “What are we celebrating?”

Race went over to the bed and plopped himself on top, staring at the ceiling with a smile on his face. “Spot kissed me.”

Jojo laughed again, taking a pillow and slamming Race in the face with it. “You dumbass. No, really, what are we celebrating?”

Race snatched the pillow out of Jojo’s hand and hit him right back with it. “No really, Spot Conlon kissed me.”

“Wha?” Jojo was shocked, but he could tell Race wasn’t lying or trying to pull his leg. The only pranks Race tried to pull on Jojo anymore were practical. This was not a joke.

“After the party. I followed him and he kissed me.”

“You followed him? Were you drunk? Was he drunk? Did you put something in his drink?” He knew Race wasn’t the type of person to do that, but he had to ask.

“I mean, I was a little drunk, but I don’t think he was. Well, I think he got drunk on my lips.”

Jojo still didn’t understand, as evident on his face. “So he just kissed you out of nowhere or...what happened?”

“It’s all kind of a blur. We were arguing and then he just pulled me in and we kissed. And it was hot, man. But then...he had to go and be an asshole.”

Jojo raised an eyebrow and bobbed his head forward, questioning Race for more information.

“He almost hit me. And I flinched. And then he ran away.”

“He almost hit you?”

“Yeah, it was like as soon as he realized what he’d done, he was ready to go all...Spot Conlon on me.”

“Well, I mean, you didn’t need to follow him. I’m sure you were being an asshole about it too.”

“Maybe so.” Race sat up and faced Jojo. “But I’m all talk. You know me. He...He scared me. Like, I thought I wasn’t gonna make it home for a second.”

“But he didn’t hit you.”

“No, it’s like he hesitated. Like he realized what he was doing. Like he’d done it before or something. He has done it before though hasn’t he? Beat the shit out of people.”

“I don’t know.”

“But you’d tell me, right?”

“Duh.” Jojo had joined the wrestling team partly because he liked wrestling, but also partly to get to know Spot Conlon and learn if the rumors about him were true. Rumors about how the wrestling team was his gang and how they’d go out and beat people up as a way to practice. But as long as Jojo had been on the team, he hadn’t seen any of that. He figured it was all just talk when he’d heard a false rumor about himself going around. “But remember when people were saying I beat the shit out of Crutchie for talking back to me?”

“Oh yeah. Weren’t you the one that told him he looked like he slept in the street or something?”

“Yeah, something like that.” He’d meant it as a joke. An ice breaker of sorts to talk to a guy he kind of, sort of, maybe had a crush on. He thought it worked because Crutchie then invited him to the LGBTQ+ Club. But they’d been acquaintances at most ever since.

Jojo and Race remained silent as they thought. Jojo about Crutchie, and Race about Spot.

Finally Race spoke. “I think I’m gonna confront him.”

“Who?”

“Spot. I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind. And if he hits me, or threatens to hit me, I’ll just tell him I know he’s gay and that if he keeps being an asshole, I’ll tell everyone.”

Jojo sighed. “That’s fucked up, Race.”

“I wouldn’t actually do it. But he’s probably stupid enough to believe me.”

“That’s still fucked up. Even if he’s gay or bi or whatever, and wasn’t just drunk when he kissed you--”

“He wasn’t. He only had like one beer at the party.”

“Even so,” Jojo continued, “doing that could derail his coming out progress. You could fuck him up even more than he already could be.”

“But he’s Spot Conlon man. He should know he’s influential. If he came out as gay...he’d still be a stud. He’d be like...the gay king of the school. And then he could bang me and I’d be like…”

“The gay queen…”

Race hit him with the pillow again, but then got up and began walking regally back and forth, giving his imaginary audience a cupped wave. “The gay queen. More like the gay side piece.”

“Ooh, can I be the biscuit?”

“Oh honey!” They both giggled and Race glomped Jojo on the bed.

“Look, whatever you decide to do,” Jojo recommended, “tread carefully. He’s my friend too so don’t fuck it up.”

“You got it, Biscuithead.” Race hugged Jojo tighter and Jojo reciprocated.

“Alright, you’ve convinced me. Let’s go out and celebrate.”

“Yaaasssss!” Race exclaimed as they both got up. “Are your parents gonna care if you’re gone?”

“They won’t notice. And if they do...well, they won’t care.” It would have been less sad if it wasn’t true. And while Jojo didn’t think getting drunk would be good for him, it was something to do other than staying home and moping around.

The boys climbed out the window Race had come in from. They probably could have gone out the front door, but it was more fun this way. And it helped Jojo imagine what it would be like if his parents actually cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this chapter is more character driven than plot driven, but next chapter should be a little more exciting and will feature our 3 main couples. Please leave kudos and comments if you want more! I love to see that people are reading and enjoying my work. Either way, thank you for reading! <3<3<3


	10. Honestsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot and Race have a heart to heart. Katherine and Sarah have a heart to heart. Jack and David have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why this took me so long to write. But then again, it's the longest chapter I've written so far. Enjoy!

Race didn’t exactly know what he was doing, but he knew it excited him. And he knew that when something excited him, he had to pursue it.

Jojo had told him to leave it alone and to leave Spot alone. In class, Spot was completely ignoring Race, but still talking to Jojo. It irritated Race, but it also gave him the drive to bug Spot. He’d almost gone completely childish to the point where their teacher noticed him throwing spitballs at Spot and sent him to the office.

Race didn’t seem to realize that he was becoming a bully, but then again, no one seemed to know that he was bullied at home. It was even more odd that Race was pursuing a guy who’d almost hit him, but maybe it was his way of standing up to a person he believed to be a bully, the same way he wished he could stand up to his dad, who he knew for a fact was one.

Somewhere deep inside him he knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t help himself. He waited after school for Spot to get out of wrestling practice, being careful to not let Jojo see him there. The sun was starting to set when Spot finally got out. Race stayed afar, but was close enough to see Spot meet up with a girl he’d seen at Jojo’s party. It irked Race when he saw them holding hands. Not out of jealousy, but out of concern for the girl. He almost felt it a duty to tell her she was holding hands with a guy who wasn’t into her. But he still only observed.

Spot finally let the girl go and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled and went into her house. Spot was alone and this was Race’s moment to strike again. He let Spot walk a block or so before catching up to him, throwing a pebble at the back of his head as he did so.

“What the fuck?” the shorter boy said, pausing.

“Yeah, that was my reaction when I saw you holding hands with a girl.”

Spot’s eyes rolled and he continued walking. “Get the fuck away from me, Higgins.”

“Mmm...no. I don’t think I will.” He just wanted to bug Spot. To let him know what he was doing with the girl was wrong. Though the way he was going about it was also wrong.

“You’ve had your fun. Just ‘cause you got a little crush on me, doesn’t mean I feel the same way.”

“I’m the one who has a crush on you? You’re the one who kissed me, remember?”

Spot stopped and quickly turned to Race. “Shut up with that. I did no such thing.”

Race got closer to him, feeling the same thing he’d felt last time they were that close. It was like an adrenaline rush. He wanted the same result. He wanted Spot to kiss him again. “You did it and you liked it. You wanted to do it again. Admit it. You still want to do it.”

“Fuck off. Just fuck off.”

“Or what?” He could feel it building up again. He could sense that Spot wanted him. He could see it in the way Spot was staring back at him. His eyes pleading at him to stop, but begging for release. “Or what, Spot?”

He didn’t answer. He just shook his head and started walking again.

Race followed. “C’mon, Spot. Tell me what you’ll do to me if I don’t stop. Are you gonna kiss me again? Or are you gonna try to hit me again?”

Spot stopped again, this time looking like Race had been the one to hit him. “Is that really what you think?”

“I don’t know what to think, except what you’ve shown me. So come on. What it’s gonna be, big shot?” Race got close and pushed Spot. He was tired of him just walking away. He wanted something to happen. He wanted Spot to just do something. He was tired of being ignored. He was tired of feeling so passionless. And the last time he’d felt that was when they kissed. It had been like electricity. It had been something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

Spot automatically pushed Race back, and was pushed back again. Maybe it was something he’d been wanting to do, or maybe it was to put a stop to it, but after a few pushes back and forth, he finally hit Race square on the jaw.

Race was a bit surprised. HIs hand automatically went up to where he’d been hit, massaging it lighty. He’d kept pushing, hoping it would lead to another kiss. Or at least a wrestling match. Something that would lead to that spark he’d felt. In the end, he got it. Maybe not a kiss, but he’d felt something. He wasn’t going to back down from it. “Well now I see who you really are. Do it again.”

“What?”

“Hit me again. You know you want to. ‘Cause I’m not gonna stop.” He took a couple of steps closer to Spot, pushing him again. “I’m the only one who knows, aren’t I? That you’re gay. I wonder what your little wrestling posse would think if they knew.”

This time Spot hit him in the stomach.

Race had to take a step back. He’d expected the hit this time, but he hadn’t expected for it to feel that way. He felt like the air had been punched out of him. He struggled to breathe for a few seconds as he doubled over, but he still wasn’t going to back down. “Again!” he yelled between breaths. “C’mon Conlon! Hit me again!”

Spot looked like he was regretting his actions, but his stance was still ready for more.

“I already told Jojo, you know? I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before the rest of the wrestling team knows. Before the rest of the school knows. Before your family knows.”

At this point, Spot’s eyes were watering, but he still managed to hit Race again.

However, it wasn’t as strong or direct as the other punches were. And Race noticed that. “That was weak!” He got closer to Spot once again, but Spot didn’t back away and his hands fell. It was as if he’d completely given up. “Be a man and hit me!”

Spot dropped on his hands and knees, tears streaming down his face. For a while, all that was heard were the sounds of Spot’s sobbing, and Race trying to catch his breath.

The last words he’d said echoed in Race’s mind. That and seeing Spot there crying triggered something in him. He’d always been known for being cocky, but a lot of it was compensation for hating himself. When he wasn’t running laps or acing a math quiz, he felt underwhelmed with himself and wondered why. But standing there at that moment, he knew why. He was an asshole. And he was following in his father’s footsteps.

Part of him wanted to run away, and part of him wanted to hold Spot and make him feel better. But he didn’t do either of those. Instead, he sat down next to Spot cross-legged. When he felt that Spot had stopped crying, he finally spoke. “I’m sorry. I’m an asshole.”

Spot didn’t respond, but kept breathing deeply.

“I don’t know why I said those things. I just…” He looked away from Spot, almost ashamed to say it. “I just wanted you to kiss me again. And to just...be out and proud and not...a coward.” He sighed as he continued to think, comparing himself to his father in his mind. “But that’s not my place I guess. You shouldn’t do things because I want you to do them. You shouldn’t be a certain way because I want you to. You...You’re not a coward.”

“I am a coward,” Spot spoke. He shifted his body slowly until he sat like Race, but hugging his knees. “And I’m not a man.”

“You are a man, Spot. I never meant--”

“No, I’m not. I’m just a weak little boy who can’t even...Who can’t even accept himself. I can’t...I can’t be gay, Race. It’s against everything I’ve done, everything I have. And yet…” He turned to look at Race and their eyes made contact for a few seconds before he looked away again. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you again too. The other night after the party was...It felt right. I wanted more. I still want more. I can’t be gay, but...I know that I am. I don’t want to be, but there’s no way to change that, is there?”

“No…” Race answered quietly, knowing full well what it felt like. “But being gay isn’t a bad thing.”

“Try telling my mom.”

“Try telling my dad.”

Eye contact was made again, this time with a smile from both parties.

“I’m sorry for hitting you,” Spot said calmly. “I’ve only ever hit one person in my life and I promised myself I wouldn’t do it again but...there I went.”

“I mean, I did encourage you. But...you’ve only ever hit one person before? I find that hard to believe. I mean, you’re Spot Conlon. People talk.”

“People exaggerate. The guy I beat up...Jack Kelly. I beat him up practically in front of the whole school. During the days I was suspended, word got around and things escalated. But it’s not like I’ve tried to deny any rumors I’ve heard.”

“Jack Kelly? President of the gay club, Jack Kelly?”

“Yeah, that Jack Kelly.”

“Why’d you beat him up?”

Spot gave a quick but sad laugh. “We used to be best friends. Really close. So close, my mom didn’t want him sleeping over in case anything gay happened. Which...it didn’t. I made sure of that.” Spot paused, and Race noticed his eyes begin to water again. He felt like reaching out and caressing him, but he withheld. It didn’t feel right. “I think...I think I loved him. And I think he loved me too. But...one day he kissed me and I...I beat him up. In front of the whole school. And I’ve never talked to him again.” Spot wiped a tear from his eye before continuing. “But he seems to be better off without me. After we stopped being friends, he started the...gay club or whatever. So at least he’s comfortable with himself. I...never will be.”

At this, Race couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He leaned forward and with his hand, turned Spot’s head to face him. They made eye contact before Race went in and gave him a soft kiss. Spot took a deep breath but reciprocated. Race pulled back after a second and said, “You’ll get there. Just don’t give up on yourself.”

Spot nodded sadly and looked away. Race could tell their conversation took a lot out of him. He could tell Spot really cared about his mother and what she thought of him. He could tell that as popular as he was, it wasn’t easy being Spot Conlon. “And don’t give up on me. I’ll try being less of an asshole.”

They both laughed before making eye contact again. This time it was Spot that leaned in for the kiss. It was the same as before: short and sweet. “Can we get the study group back together? Not talking to you has started to affect my grade again.”

Race sighed before giving Spot one more peck on the lips. “You’re hopeless.”

* * *

Katherine had to admit she had invited Sarah to her dad’s event mostly to piss him off. She waited until the day of to tell him who she had invited. “I’m bringing my friend...Sarah Jacobs. She’s on the paper with me.”

Joseph Pulitzer raised a stern eyebrow at his daughter. “Sarah Jacobs? Is she the...girl?”

Katherine’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Yes, Dad...she is a girl.”

“Huh.” Pulitzer sighed and nodded once. “Fine.”

Katherine left the house even more confused. She’d expected her dad to complain and for them to argue for a bit, but that had been all that was said about it. She found it odd, but she figured he was probably nervous about the function.

She’d made plans to meet at Sarah’s house so they could get ready together. Katherine already knew what she was going to wear: a simple black dress and a ponytail. She couldn’t be bothered to try and she hoped Sarah wouldn’t either.

When she got to Sarah’s, she knocked on the door and was met with a boy when it opened. “Hi, I’m looking for Sarah…”

“Sarah!” the boy yelled. “Someone’s here to see you!”

Sarah came running and flicked the boy in the ear when she saw who it was. “Let her in, you doof! Come in, Katherine. This is my brother Les.”

Katherine walked in and smiled at the boy. He grinned back and then left the room. Katherine then felt herself being pulled away. She was led into a hallway, where she noticed someone exiting a room. She focused and saw it was David. He was in his boxers, wearing a shirt that read, ‘I avoid cliches like the plague.’ She smiled at that as she waved at him. “That’s a funny shirt,” she said. David stopped in his tracks, looking mortified. She would’ve said more, but Sarah pulled her into her room and closed the door.

“Alright, so what are you wearing to this thing?”

Katherine took off her backpack and showed Sarah the dress.

“Oh god. Kath, do you hate your dad?”

“Uh...no?”

“Then why would you wear this? He’s being honored, right?”

“Well he’s winning some award or something. He’s not the only one though.”

“You don’t know what he’s winning?”

“I didn’t really ask.” Her dad wasn’t really a priority in her life. She mostly lived with her mom and he got her every other weekend or whenever her dad wanted her to make an appearance somewhere.

“That’s...cold. But whatever. We can fix this. I’ve got plenty of nice things to wear.” Katherine began to object but Sarah just shushed her. “No, no, just sit down while I look for a way to fix this.”

Sarah began digging in her closet and Katherine plopped herself down on the bed too stupefied to say anything. She normally would have tried to stand up for herself more but Sarah seemed very in command. And by the way they both looked afterward, she knew what she was doing.

Katherine was still in a black dress, but a little more elegant. Sarah had also put Kath’s hair up and done her makeup. The editor almost didn’t recognize herself in Sarah’s mirror. It was as if she was a different person. Sarah also made herself up, but she always looked good so it wasn’t as big of a difference as it was with Katherine.

“I look like I’m going to the Oscars.”

“Well, I’m sure it’s the equivalent around here,” Sarah replied, spritzing some finishing spray on her face. “So we have to look our best, don’t we?”

“I guess…” Katherine turned to look at Sarah who was in a pretty pink gown. “We might be overdressed.”

“Overdressed...Best dressed...Either way, all eyes will be on us and they’ll know who to clap for when your dad gets his award.”

“Okay.” Katherine was somewhat nervous now. She didn’t want people to see her and expect her to dress this way all the time. Especially her father. He already expected so much of her and if he expected her to look this good in public all the time, she didn’t think she’d be able to take it. She almost wanted to smudge her face and ruin the beautiful artwork that Sarah had worked on. But she didn’t, because it was Sarah’s hard work.

As they left the house, Katherine saw David near the entrance, this time wearing jeans and a buttoned up shirt. He smiled at first but when he actually noticed her, his mouth opened a little. Katherine smiled at herself and waved at him again. “Bye David.” He had no response, but she could swear she saw him blush.

Les was there too and his response was more or less the same, except he said, “Wow, you’re pretty.”

She gave the boy a, “Thanks,” and out the door they went. They got into Katherine’s car and drove to their school.

“I didn’t know it was being held here,” Sarah said, surprised. “This town doesn’t seem that small.”

“It’s not. My dad works at the school.”

“Really? What does he do?”

“He’s...the principal.” Katherine made sure to take in Sarah’s reaction. The girl was shocked, but then she nodded and accepted it. “See, that’s the reaction I hoped for.”

“What reaction do you usually get?”

“Usually that one but...Nevermind. Let’s just go in there and hope we have fun.”

The two girls went into the gym, where most events were usually held. People certainly did stare, seeing how gorgeous they looked, and Sarah looked pleased. Katherine just tried to keep her eyes wandering so that she didn’t focus on one person and yell at them for staring. Of course, she couldn’t help but notice the Delancey brothers were there because their stares weren’t very subtle.

“Oh god, they’re here.”

“Who are?”

“Morris and Oscar.”

“Who?” Sarah didn’t have to wait long for an answer, as the two Delanceys walked over to them.

“Wow ladies, you sure are looking good tonight.”

“Thank you boys,” Sarah said with her usual smile. Katherine just rolled her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“Coach Weisel is getting an award and he wanted some guys from the team to cheer him on,” Morris answered.

“Also, our dad works for the school board,” Oscar said. “He’s presenting the awards.”

“I’m sure he also chose who got them,” Katherine said nonchalantly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Morris asked with a scoff.

“Just that your father doesn’t bother to hide who his friends are and who aren’t.”

“You know, if I were you, I’d watch which glass houses I was throwing stones at.”

“That’s not even how the saying goes,” Katherine spat out before turning and walking away. She hated the way the two boys had messed up the saying, but she hated even more the fact that they were right. Her father had friends in high places, that he was bordering on corrupt. But she couldn’t bring herself to actually believe he was that way. There was no proof of it at least.

Sarah followed Katherine quickly, “Are you okay?”

“I just hate those two.”

“They’re harmless.”

“They are not harmless,” Katherine immediately responded with certainty. “They just think they have immunity because their father works for the school board and they’re on the school wrestling team. They think they can’t get in trouble for what they’ve done.”

“Are you talking about the assault rumors?” Katherine nodded. “Did they ever assault you?”

“No, I’m not usually the type of girl they go for.” Katherine looked back at the boys. “But I don’t like the way they’re looking at me right now.”

“Ignore them. They can stare all they want. They can’t have us.”

“One of these days I’m going to expose them. Whenever I can get evidence.”

The awards ceremony started soon after that. The two girls sat down as far away from the Delanceys as they could, while still being near the front of the pulpit. Mr. Delancey looked just as douchey as his sons, if not douchier.

It turned out Pulitzer’s award was for principal of the year, which Katherine scoffed at before lightly clapping for him. Pulitzer thanked the board for the award and then thanked Katherine for helping him be the best principal he could be. To Katherine, it sounded rehearsed.

After all the awards were handed out, Pulitzer went up to Katherine to tell her how stunning she looked and to introduce himself to Sarah. “Yes, I’ve spoken with your parents but I hadn’t expected you to be so talented,” he said to the girl, motioning to his daughter’s appearance. “I didn’t know what to think when Katherine told me she was bringing you, but now I see that you’re a good influence on her.”

“Thank you Mr. Pulitzer,” Sarah said with a charismatic smile. “But your daughter is a ten; the least I could do was dress her to the nines.” Katherine smiled at that.

Pulitzer then went to talk to some other members of the school board, and Katherine knew her obligation was fulfilled. “We can go now,” she said to Sarah.

They left the gym and walked back to the parking lot, but when they got there, they noticed a couple of boys following them. Katherine was not at all surprised to see it was the Delancey brothers.

“Hey ladies, where are you off to?” Oscar spoke.

“We’re having an after party at our place if you want to come?” Morris offered. “Drinks included.”

“I wouldn’t go with you even if I wanted to have a bad time,” Katherine replied, walking faster toward her car.

“Aww, come on baby, you know we’ll have fun,” Oscar pleaded. The brothers hurried their steps until they caught up with the girls.

Morris put his gross fingers on Katherine’s shoulder and she yelled, “Don’t fucking touch me!” Instead of complying, he just slid his hand down to her waist. Katherine was about to protest again when she was pushed slightly aside by Sarah.

“She told you not to touch her,” the girl said as she grabbed onto Morris’ hand and pulled him close. Her other hand was clenched in a fist and hit Morris right in the nose.

“Hey!” came from Oscar, but before he could do anything, Sarah took his arm and flipped him onto the ground.

Morris was coming back toward her, but she was ready for him, kicking him in the crotch. The two were now on the ground, and Sarah had one heel pressed on top of Oscar. “Don’t get up until our car is out of this parking lot, unless you want to end up in the hospital.” Morris tried to get up but she punched him once more. “And don’t ever touch Katherine again. Do you understand?” She pressed down on Oscar until he agreed, and then on Morris with the same result.

When Katherine and Sarah were on the road, she was finally able to speak. “That was amazing.”

“I’ve taken self defense classes for a few years now,” Sarah replied with a shrug. “Some boys have to be put in their place. But I feel bad for Spot Conlon’s back, having to carry the whole wrestling team.”

The level of respect Katherine had for Sarah was only beginning to grow. “Do you think you could teach me?”

“How to fight? Sure. But can I ask something in return?”

Katherine grew nervous again, wondering what Sarah could want from her. Still, she nodded.

“When you told me about your dad being the principal...you said I reacted the way you hoped. What was that about?”

Katherine sighed, relieved that it was only a question, but also distressed at the question itself. It was a topic she didn’t want to get into. She almost wanted to tell Sarah to mind her own business and that she didn’t want to learn to fight after all. But she couldn’t tell that to her. Not after she’d defended her from the Delancey brothers.

“It has to do with a mutual friend of ours, Jack Kelly.” She hoped that would satisfy Sarah, but she just looked more intrigued. Katherine parked in front of Sarah’s house and turned off the car, preparing herself for the conversation she was about to have. She’d never told anyone because she didn’t have anyone to tell. “So, you know that we dated. And it was going great. Really great. I...really liked him.”

She could tell Sarah was listening intently, in a caring way. “I wanted to introduce him to my parents. He was fine with my mom. She loved him and he got along with her. But then when it came time to meet my dad…”

Katherine paused as she thought about it. She’d thought about it for so long after the fact, that it was the reason she decided to cut herself off from everyone. “I hadn’t told him my dad was the principal. I just don’t want to be known as the principal’s daughter, you know? I want to be known as the school paper’s editor. But when he saw who my father was…he broke up with me.”

There. She’d said it. For some time, she’d told anyone who’d asked that she’d been the one to break up with him. That he’d been too immature for her. Or she implied that he’d cheated on her. But she’d never admitted that he was the one that dumped her. Because she still didn’t entirely understand why.

“He broke up with you because your dad is the principal?”

“That’s what he told me. He told me I was deceptive because I hadn’t told him. He said that he couldn’t deal with that kind of pressure. It hurt. It...still hurts.”

“Katherine, do you...Do you still have feelings for him?”

Katherine was on the verge of tears. She’d tried to remain emotionless, but she’d kept it in so long that she felt like the dam was about to break. “I love him,” she said finally, unable to control it anymore.

For a few minutes all she could do was struggle to breathe as tears streamed down her face. Sarah had grabbed her hand for support, and Katherine leaned her head onto the other girl’s shoulder.

When she calmed down, Sarah gave her hand a soft squeeze. “His loss,” she said. “He let you go for a stupid reason, but you don’t need him anyway. You’re a strong woman and you’ll find someone just as strong as you someday. You are better than Jack Kelly. And someday he’ll be just a spec on the peripheral of your memory as you go places.”

Katherine squeezed back, and then let Sarah go to grab some tissues from the glove compartment. She cleaned herself and then smiled at the other girl. “Thank you. But it’s been months. I don’t know if I can get over him. I see him too much.”

“Trust me,” Sarah replied, “you can do it. You just need to focus on yourself. You can do it.”

Those were the words that kept running through Katherine’s mind after Sarah went inside her house. The words she thought as she drove home. The words she thought as she removed her makeup. As she showered. As she said goodnight to her father. And as she fell asleep.

* * *

The past week and a half since the party had been kind of awkward for David. At lunch, he’d been so distant that Crutchie hit him with his crutch and asked him what was wrong. David told him he was worried about an exam. In art class, he could see Jack looking up at him, wanting to talk to him, but not saying much. It was always small talk.

David couldn’t help but feel that he’d ruined something even though nothing had happened. But he couldn’t help thinking about that kiss between Jack and Sarah. He couldn’t help but think about his conversation with Crutchie in the closet. He couldn’t help but think that he needed to quit his crush on Jack for things to get back to normal. That’s why he was trying to distance himself. He just wished the process would go faster.

“You need to stop being an asshole.” David looked up out of his locker to see Crutchie standing there. He hadn’t heard him approach, so he was startled, especially with his choice of words.

“I’m sorry?” he replied, wondering what Crutchie was talking about, though sensing it had to with the way he was behaving.

“Is it because of what I said at the party? I was drunk, okay? Just forget everything I said. I always get overdramatic when I’m drunk.”

“It’s not...No. I have no idea what you’re--”

“Bullshit.” David was taken aback. Crutchie was usually so nice and...innocent. He had a suspicion that it was all an act, but he hadn’t expected Crutchie to be so blunt. “Why are you being so awkward around Jack?”

Talking with Crutchie as of late made David anxious. He had to not only be honest with the shorter boy, but also with himself. He didn’t like it, no matter how liberating it felt. “Because he kissed my sister,” he answered hushedly. He looked around to make sure no one was listening before going on. “And yes maybe because of what you told me. How do you do it? How do you act so...apathetic?”

Crutchie shrugged. “It gets easier if you’re acting all the time.” David could see the sadness in Crutchie’s eyes and he wondered if he was only seeing it now because he was letting him see it.

“I’m just trying to get over him. And I guess I’m just going about it very obviously.”

“Very. He keeps whining to me about you.”

David wanted to ask what else Jack said about him, but decided that would only encourage his crush. Instead, he just sighed and tried to avoid eye contact with Crutchie.

“Look, in my experience you don’t get over Jack. You either suck it up and stay his friend or you get with him and get your heart broken. Either way, you lose. But at least if you suck it up, you get to stay his friend.”

David just nodded. He couldn’t help but think that if he got a chance to be with Jack, that he could be the exception to the rule. That he could be the one whose heart Jack wouldn’t break.

“So suck it up. And stop being an asshole.”

At the same time, that would be the easiest option. Doing it would be harder than saying it, but maybe it would help. Maybe then, eventually, his crush on Jack would disappear. Maybe it hadn’t worked for Crutchie, but it would for him.

“Hey guys!” Crutchie and David turned to see Jack approaching them. They both automatically smiled at him out of habit. And maybe admiration. “What’s going on?”

“We were just talking about you,” Crutchie said immediately. “Brainstorming ideas for the queer club.”

“I’d love to hear them,” Jack replied, but before anyone had a chance to say anything else, he turned to David. “Hey, can we talk?”

David looked at Crutchie as if to ask permission, and Crutchie looked back in confusion. “Yeah, we can talk,” he responded.

“I’ll uh, meet you at your bike then,” Crutchie told Jack, before turning and walking away awkwardly.

Jack waited until Crutchie was out of earshot before talking again. “So...I’ve noticed that we’ve kinda been acting weird around each other. And before you say it had nothing to do with me kissing Sarah...Well, we were fine before that, weren’t we?”

David took a deep breath and reluctantly nodded. He hadn’t expected to have to be so honest today.

“I just don’t know what else to say to that. I know it’s weird that I made out with your sister but I swear it won’t happen again. I don’t know what to do to make it better. If I had a sister, I’d let you make out with her I guess.”

“Jack, that’s ridiculous. My sister made out with you because she wanted to, not because I let her.” For a second, David imagined what Jack having a sister would be like. Would he have a crush on her too?

“It’s just that I texted you that I was sorry for kissing your sister and you never texted back. And then you’ve been kind of...freezing me out. And I just want to know why? I mean, I’m genuinely sorry and--”

“Jack.” David wanted to tell him. He wanted to say that he had feelings for him. But he knew that it would just make things worse. Not just for him, but for Jack. Even possibly for Crutchie. “It’s okay. I don’t care that you made out with my sister. You don’t need to apologize for that.”

“Then what is it? Does it have something to do with the club? Or is it about Katherine? Or what?”

“It’s...personal. It’s just something that I’m gonna have to get over. Don’t worry about it, Jack.”

“I have to. I can’t not worry about it. Because I can’t stop thinking about it. And…” David was trying hard to end the conversation so he could walk away and go to the computer lab. He was already late meeting up with the rest of the paper crew. But there was a crack in Jack’s voice that made him focus on the other boy. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

David’s heart started beating a little faster. In his head he tried to convince himself that what Jack was saying had no deeper meaning.

“I…” Jack struggled. “I have to be honest with you. I think you’re a great guy, Davey. I have ever since I met you. Thinking that you hate me…”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Thinking that you hate me is one of the worst feelings I’ve ever felt. And maybe I’m overreacting, but I can’t help what I feel.”

“What do you feel?” The adrenaline rushing through David made him feel like he was going to explode.

“The question is, what do you feel, Davey? Your sister told me you probably don’t want to think about your own feelings, but she didn’t tell me what feelings. She just told me to talk to you.”

David made a mental note to talk to Sarah later. At least she hadn’t told Jack he liked him. Still, he had the same question for Jack. What did he feel?

“I have to be honest,” Jack said again. “Because if I’m not honest now, I don’t think I ever will be. And if we’re gonna be best friends, I think I need to be honest. And if we can’t be friends, then what I’m about to tell you won’t matter anyway.”

So many emotions and thoughts were running through David’s mind. On the one hand, it could’ve been anything. On the other hand, it could’ve been a confession of interest. David didn’t want to get his hopes up. After all, no one had ever liked him in that way. Especially the few people he’d ever had crushes on. Not that he’d ever told them. But seeing as how they’d dated other people, he knew they weren’t interested anyway.

“I…I...I...” Jack stuttered.

It bought David more time to think. He’d known Jack for a couple of months and in that time, he’d seen plenty of girls flirt with Jack. And Romeo. Now he knew that even Crutchie had a thing for him. But while Jack flirted back, he never made advances on any of them. He’d made out with Sarah, but Sarah confirmed that meant nothing. So it wasn’t completely farfetched of an idea for Jack to maybe, perhaps, possibly have a thing for him.

“Fuck,” said Jack, still struggling with the words. His cheeks went red, and in turn so did David’s.

But if Jack had a thing for him, why hadn’t he made a move? Or told anyone? Maybe Jack had told someone. Maybe he’d told his best friend. Maybe Crutchie had known all along. Maybe that’s why Crutchie had been watching David. Maybe that’s why Crutchie confronted him in that closet. Maybe that’s why Crutchie wanted him to suck it up.

“I…” Jack started again.

But maybe David was just overthinking it. He did that a lot. The only way to know for sure was to ask. Jack was right. If they were meant to be friends, they’d get over it. And if they weren’t, then it didn’t matter what he said.

“You like me.” The words came out of David’s mouth, more as a statement than a question.

Jack blushed redder, but nodded. David had seen Jack flirt easily with other people, and yet there he was struggling with telling him that he liked him. He’d seen him make out with his sister so easily and now he looked like a deer the headlights. He’d been so scared to say his own feelings, and now he saw that Jack was even more scared.

“I like you.” David said the words with certainty and confidence. Seeing Jack in such a state of helplessness made him feel somewhat braver.

Jack’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and then rose in realization. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” Both their eyes stared around for a bit before making their way back to each other. Another blush and a smile came to each of their faces. David didn’t even know what to do next. He’d never gotten this far with a love interest that wasn’t part of a dating simulator game. If he thought it was awkward to tell his crush he liked him, he should’ve waited for the aftermath.

But like an angel sent from heaven, an interruption appeared in the form of Sarah running down the hall towards them. “Hey! Dave! We’re late for the meeting. I got caught up in the bathroom reapplying some makeup. Hey, Jack. Oh Jack knows why. He touched my face in class like a the jerk he is and smudged my eyeliner. Dave?” She looked from one to the other and seemed to have a realization herself. “Oh, am I interrupting something?”

David came back to reality and felt like panicking. He didn’t know what to do next. He didn’t know his options or what to choose. But Jack seemed to read his mind.

“Nah, we were just done talking,” Jack told Sarah with a smile. “Sorry about your makeup.” He turned back to David and gave him a grin that just made David want to melt. “Go on to your meeting. I know Katherine doesn’t like to be left waiting. I’ll text you later. If you promise to reply this time.”

David returned the smile. “I promise.”

Jack nodded and turned to go, but suddenly turned back. He took a couple of steps toward David and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Then he skipped backwards and waved goodbye.

David blushed again and avoided eye contact with his sister as he closed his locker.

“David...what was that about?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll tell you later.”

“Dave, are you and Jack like a thing now?”

“Later, Sarah. Later.”

“Fine, but I want full details!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for those wondering what Jack did to Katherine and who Spot beat up, now you know. I've been thinking of writing kind of a prequel spinoff starring Jack about how he met Crutchie, his friendship with Spot, and what really happened with Katherine so tell me if you'd like to read that.
> 
> I know I said before that Sprace would be a slow burn, but I'm starting to see that the Newsbians will be an even slower burn. And that's just because I want to better develop both Katherine and Sarah as individuals and friends before they can be anything more. With Javid, it's gonna be more fast-paced in the romance department, while with Sprace, it's gonna be more fast-paced in the physical department.
> 
> Anyway, this is about the halfway point of this work, but the plot will keep escalating so I hope you keep reading. Thank you for being patient with me. <3


	11. Datesies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and David go on their first date. Spot and Race can't keep their hands off each other. Sarah has some internal struggles with external circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while but I'm back with a new chapter. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Edit: I had named Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs, Jacob and Sarah respectively because I was too lazy to come up with names, but I realized they have names in the movie so I edited this so that they have their movie names haha.
> 
> Edit 2: I had written Sarah's dead name as Mayer after her father, but have changed the text so that Sarah's dead name isn't mentioned at all. You can interpret it as whatever you want, though it is not important.

“Is this a date?” David had to clarify because they hadn’t really talked about it since...Well, since they admitted they liked each other. David was all smiles during the school newspaper meeting after that, but as soon as he got home, he’d gone into overthinking mode. He didn’t have to wait long for Jack to text him, and they made plans to hang out just the two of them at Jacobi’s, but the word ‘date’ didn’t make its way into the conversation.

“I thought that was pretty clear,” Jack replied.

“Oh.” It was as if suddenly he didn’t know what to say. It was easier when he thought he had no chance in hell with Jack, but now that he knew he did, he ran out of conversation. “Cool.”

Luckily, Jack wasn’t lost for words. “So you like me, huh?”

David smiled and nodded. “I thought _that_ was pretty clear.”

“I just...I didn’t know. You’re a mystery, Davey. I know you’re smart and kind and you’re very _very_ cute…” David blushed at this. “But you don’t really talk about yourself a lot. You’re too...humble.”

David knew this was true about himself. He just didn’t want to seem overbearing or annoying. “What do you want to know?”

Jack shifted back in the booth they were sitting at and thought for a second. “I don’t think I’ve ever asked you...What’s your favorite color?”

David chuckled to himself. It was such a simple question. It reminded him of the day they met in art class. And he realized there was no need to be so nervous. Jack was still Jack. The only thing different was that they liked each other. “Brown.”

“Brown?”

“Yeah, brown.” He knew it was a boring color, but he liked it.

“And why is that your favorite color?”

David shrugged. “It’s found in nature. It’s neutral so it goes with everything. It’s underappreciated.”

“It’s the color of your eyes…”

David blushed again and smiled. “Yeah. That’s true.” Their eyes lingered on each other’s before David looked away, embarrassed.

“Don’t look away.” Jack reached out to grab his hand, but David pulled it back. It was awkward, but it was a reflex. David relaxed his fist and slid it back towards Jack.

“Sorry, I’m not used to this. I’ve never...been on a date.”

Jack gently took David’s hand and stroked his fingers. “Never?”

“Never.”

“I’ll try to make it special then.”

They ate and then moved on to playing games while Jack asked David more questions about himself. Every time Jack made any kind of physical contact with him, be it touching his fingers or putting his arm around him, David had to remind himself to relax. But eventually, the conversation made David comfortable enough to not overthink like he usually did. He even began asking Jack questions of his own.

After awhile, Jack noticed David continuously checking his watch and suggested it was time to go home. David apologized and told him he had a curfew. As they left Jacobi’s, Jack offered David a ride on his motorcycle, but David declined. He wasn’t ready for that. Well, he was scared. So Jack insisted on walking him home. They continued conversing, the topic now being favorite foods. Jack’s was a very specific burger, while David listed a variety of Jewish dishes his grandmother liked to make. They held hands the whole way.

When they got to his house, they stopped on the porch and David suddenly remembered something he’d meant to ask Jack. “Hey, you never told me what your favorite color was.”

“My favorite color always changes,” Jack replied with a smile. He used a finger to swipe the hair out of David’s eyes and continued, “But you’ve uh...turned me on to brown.”

That’s when David realized that their date had come to an end and what the end of the first date usually entailed. But was he ready for that? He’d just gotten comfortable with hand-holding. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t imagined kissing Jack. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t practiced on his own hand. But that had all been in his head. Now, it was about to be real life.

The worry came rushing back. What if he was bad at kissing? What if it was the deciding factor on whether there would be a second date or not? He supposed he could always go back to being just friends with Jack. But now that they’d gone on a date, he didn’t want to go back. Jack had called him too humble earlier, but now all he was thinking about was what he wanted. He wanted Jack. And he knew Jack wanted him back.

Jack took a step forward and David reflexively took a step back. Jack froze and David felt like an idiot. ‘Man up!’ he told himself and took a step toward Jack. Okay, here was the moment. David’s first kiss. It seemed to take forever as they inched closer to each other. David closed his eyes and waited for what seemed like an eternity.

Suddenly, the door opened behind him. He felt Jack back off and heard a deep clearing of a throat. David opened his eyes and turned, hoping it wasn’t his dad. Luckily, it wasn’t. It was Spot Conlon and Sarah. Spot looked as if he’d walked in on an orgy. Sarah looked both amused and sorry. David turned to see Jack looking like he was having a flashback.

“Uh bye,” Spot said to Sarah as he left in a rush, not even making eye contact with her.

“Bye.” Sarah cringed as she turned to the other two. “I am so sorry. I invited Spot to dinner to meet Mom and Dad and I didn’t know you two were out here and...I’m gonna leave you to it, okay?” She gave David a sorry smile and then went back into the house, leaving them alone again.

David was hoping for some kind of tension-relieving laughter, but it didn’t come. Jack was looking down now, and David felt it was up to him to fix the situation. “We should have a redo.”

Jack looked up, confused. “Right now?”

“No,” he replied, a little too quickly. “I meant like...go on another date. ‘Cause this was fun. And...the more dates we go on, the better I’ll probably get at them.”

Jack laughed softly. “You were pretty great at this one. I just...didn’t expect to see Spot Conlon at your house. Is he dating Sarah?”

David shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so. He’s the first guy she’s brought home at least.”

“Oh.”

David didn’t know what was going on, but he could sense that Jack was keeping something from him. He just didn’t know what. “Sarah thinks he’s cool despite everything I’ve heard about him. I trust her judgment more than anyone else’s so…”

Jack smiled as he seemed to shake his thoughts away. “So I guess that means she approves of me? Dating you, I mean.”

David nodded. “She’s probably our number one shipper.”

“Oh yeah? What would our ship name be?”

“Mmm,” he thought. “Probably something stupid like Javid.”

They both laughed and their eyes were drawn to each other again. Jack got close and this time David didn’t back away. A couple more seconds of staring and David couldn’t take it anymore. He softly pressed his lips against Jack’s and he had his first kiss. There were no fireworks, no choir of angels, no foot popping. But as they pulled apart, David could see a smile on Jack’s face and really, that’s all he needed.

“We should have a redo,” Jack stated, raising an eyebrow.

“On our next date,” David replied confidently. “It’ll be better. Longer perhaps.”

“Can’t wait.” They smiled at each other for a few more seconds before Jack stepped back to leave. He gave David the peace sign and went off.

David watched him walk off and then turned around to see Sarah and Les watching him from one of the front windows. They also had smiles on their faces as David went red. He shuffled on inside to reproach them.

* * *

Spot felt bad. But all the guilt went away whenever he was around Race. They had tiptoed around a conversation they both wanted to have. In class, Spot had seen Jojo and remembered what Race had said about having told Jojo that they kissed. Jojo was acting like nothing was different, however, so Spot didn’t know if it was true or not. And it seemed like every time Spot stopped by the computer lab to walk Sarah home, Race was around the same area, watching them. Still, every time they met up alone to talk...they didn’t do much talking.

The first time they saw each other after their fight was on the weekend. They met up at the library and tried to study, but Race couldn’t keep his attention focused on math. He started playing footsie with Spot, who went along with it. It wasn’t long until they were in a bathroom stall kissing. It wasn’t until someone else entered the bathroom that they went back to studying.

The next time they saw each other was in the morning at school before class began. Race suggested they talk and they took a walk by the baseball field. As they rounded the back of the bleachers, Spot pulled Race under them and they began to make out. They were there until the bell reminded them they still needed to go to class.

It was like that for a couple of weeks. A cheeky wink here and there, a subtle touch during math class as they passed back tests, and even a stolen kiss in the hallway when no one was around. The guilt came and went, but they knew they had to have a talk when Jojo invited them over to his house. The OG study group was getting back together.

It was like it had been before, except Spot now felt awkward around Jojo. Did he really know about the two of them? Had Race been updating him on all their makeout sessions? Jojo was still acting oblivious though.

Their meeting went as usual, except Jojo hadn’t offered them alcoholic drinks. Spot wondered if Jojo’s parents had gotten rid of all the liquor in the house since the party. Then Race left the room for a second and came back with a bottle of vodka and some orange juice. Jojo looked as if he was going to say something but decided against it, instead choosing to focus on studying.

After a while, Spot stated he had to pee and left the room to go to the bathroom. “I have to pee too,” he heard from behind him and as he went into the hallway, he felt someone following him.

Spot turned to see Race catching up with him. “I do actually have to pee, you know. That wasn’t like code or anything.”

“I know.”

“So you’re just going to follow me anyway?”

“There’s more than one bathroom...But maybe. I’m a little curious…”

“About how I pee?”

“Among other things.” Race looked down at Spot’s general crotch area.

“You’re really disgusting, you know that?” he said jokingly, with a smile.

“And yet, you keep putting your tongue in my mouth.” They both laughed and then stared at each other. Sometimes Spot wanted to just stare into Race’s eyes for a long time. But Race never seemed to be able to hold himself back. And just like that, Spot’s tongue was back in Race’s mouth. His bladder would just have to wait to be emptied.

“Ahem.” Spot and Race parted lips and looked to see who had interrupted them. Jojo stood there staring back and forth between the two of them, not looking one bit surprised. “Do you two need a room or can we get back to studying?”

“I still need to pee,” Spot said, before running off to the bathroom. Not only was he embarrassed, but he was scared. And disappointed in himself. How could he his affections for another guy just take control of his body like that? If he kept it up, it wouldn’t be long until he was just making out with Race in public. He knew he needed to be more careful.

After peeing, he returned to the kitchen where Race was sipping on partially melted ice and Jojo looked like he was ready to throw his book into the fireplace. “Hey, Jojo? Can I talk to you?” Spot turned to Race. “Alone?”

Race stopped sipping and sighed, putting his glass down on the table. “Fine. I’ll actually go pee this time.” He left the room and then it was just Spot and Jojo.

“I just wanted to say...I’m sorry for what you witnessed out there. I don’t uh...usually lose control like that. I just…”

“Race is very persuasive,” Jojo acknowledged. “Trust me, I know.”

“Oh. Did you and him…?” He didn’t know how to feel about what he was asking.

Jojo let out a snort before shaking his head. “We kissed once when we were drunk but...he’s like a brother to me. It’s funny, he still tries to kiss me whenever there are homophobes around. I always tell him that’s a bad idea for me because he can run fast and I can’t.”

Spot let out a quiet laugh, before getting serious again. “Jo...Please don’t tell anyone.”

Jojo gave Spot a look as if to ask if he was being serious. “I would never tell anyone.” And then his expression changed, his face conveying a mental struggle between saying something and keeping quiet. Spot waited. “Are you dating Sarah Jacobs?”

Whatever it was that Spot had been expecting, that wasn’t it. “I...uh...yeah.”

“Does she know about you and Race?”

“No…” All the guilt just rushed at Spot and he felt like he was pinned down by his strongest opponent.

“I’m not judging,” Jojo clarified. “I just think you should consider talking to her about it, especially if you and Race are having sex. I just think it’d be fair game if everyone involved knew about everyone who was involved.”

At that moment, Race walked back into the room looking pleased with himself. He looked back and forth between the other two, wondering why they were both being quiet. Spot got red in the face before announcing to the room, “We’re not having sex.”

“Right, well,” Jojo finished, “just something to consider. Now, let’s get back to studying. Please.”

Race looked confused as all hell, but he sat down nonetheless without asking questions.

Spot tried to focus on the work, but he knew deep down that Jojo was right. He wasn’t being fair to Sarah by keeping this from her. Hell, he wasn’t being fair to himself. But he just wasn’t ready to let her know his secret. It was his and he was going to keep it for as long as he needed.

He didn’t know that Sarah felt exactly the same way about her own secret.

* * *

Sarah was always a girl, even though sometimes she looked in the mirror and didn’t see the body she had hoped for. But she was an optimistic girl. She knew she was lucky that her family loved her for who she was. And for the most part, she knew who she was. Her family had always gone above and beyond to make her feel as comfortable and loved as they could. Everyone outside of her immediate family, however, she wasn’t so comfortable around.

When they moved, Sarah felt like she was making a new start. Small town life didn’t suit her because everyone knew her. Some people still even called her by her dead name. But once she came out to her family, she was known as Sarah. She'd chosen it because it meant 'princess' in Hebrew.

Even though Sarah had naturally feminine features, it wasn’t easy for her once she decided to publicly be herself. She got picked on a lot by boys and she never felt included by the girls. Her mother tried to be inclusive by taking her out on mother-daughter dates. They would go shopping, try on makeup, watch romantic comedies, and most importantly just talk. Her father was more protective. It was his idea to pay for self defense classes and to send her to a more inclusive school in the city.

It was fun while it lasted. No one at her city school knew she was trans, but she could tell they were all very accepting. She made friends, boys flirted with her, and her confidence grew. She was almost ready to tell everyone she was trans, when all of a sudden, her parents told her that she wouldn’t be returning to that school the next semester.

Her parents said that her father had been fired and they couldn’t afford to send her back, but they wouldn’t explain why he’d been let go. The fact that Mr. Jacobs had just broken his arm only added to the mystery. Sarah’s ability to snoop soon cleared it all up when she eavesdropped on a private conversation between her parents. The boss had apparently said some really gross, nasty, transphobic words and Mr. Jacobs lost it. He had tried to hit his boss, but his boss was faster and stronger. According to Mr. Jacobs, he was lucky to get out with just a broken arm and no job. No charges were pressed.

Sarah blamed herself for the event, but she held her head up high when she returned to her small town school. She told herself she wasn’t going to become a victim and was able to hold her own against bullies. Her charisma led her to make friends with people she hadn’t been able to before. She kept her grades up and for some time, things were fine. Just fine.

Every once in a while she would think back to the good times she had at her school in the city, and she knew that one day she’d have to return. Small town life wasn’t for her. City life was the dream. Not long later, her parents would tell her that her father got a new job, and they would have to move.

Now, she was in Katherine’s bedroom teaching her some self defense moves like she said she would do. Even as Katherine was pretending to attack her, she felt safe. It was like it had been at her city school. Life was good and she couldn’t complain. Except, she really wanted to tell someone she was trans. She specifically wanted to tell Katherine, but she didn’t know why. Other than she felt really comfortable around her.

She didn’t exactly know how to bring it up though. With David, it was easy because they were twins. They shared everything, and Sarah suspected that David knew she was a girl before she did. With her parents, it was different but they still knew something was up. She tried hard to make sure she erased her browsing history, but somehow her parents caught on and they had a conversation. As for Les, he was the one with the most questions, but the most acceptance.

Sarah kept overthinking different ways to talk to Katherine about it as she showed her some basic blocking techniques. Katherine was slowly getting it, but Sarah did have to keep repeating the steps. “You know it’s called self defense, right? You’re supposed to be defending yourself, not thinking about where you’re gonna hit me next.”

Katherine looked taken aback for a second, but then brushed it off. “Sorry, I just want to learn as much as I can. I want boys to be afraid of me.”

“Bill and Darcy are pretty afraid of you,” Sarah replied with a laugh.

“They’re afraid of all girls.”

“Jack’s afraid of you.”

“Good. He can cower in fear as he watches me kick ass.”

“That might just turn him on.”

Katherine rolled her eyes and then tried attacking Sarah. Sarah blocked her and then quickly but with as little damage as she could, dropped her and pinned her to the ground.

“Teach me how to do that,” Katherine said, with excitement.

“Alright, fine.” Sarah began to show her slowly, trying to break the moves down as much as possible, but as easy as possible. First they practiced with Katherine attacking her and then the other way around.

“Why aren’t you in the wrestling team?” Katherine asked. “I mean, this is pretty much the same. You’d probably be as good as Spot Conlon.”

Spot was another person Sarah wanted to tell, but for other reasons. As much as she wanted to believe he’d be okay with her, she just didn’t know. With Katherine it was simpler because she was just her friend. But with Spot, they were technically dating. And also he was a guy. She knew guys wouldn’t take it as well as girls. Although Sarah knew she didn’t need a boyfriend, the prospect of one was fun and exciting. It was something new and with a boy she thought was really nice and really polite. But she knew boys were nice until they weren’t.

“I thought the wrestling team was just for boys. I wouldn’t want to be the only girl.”

“It’s our duty to be the only girl,” Katherine said as she tried pushing Sarah to the ground. “We have to show other girls that we can survive in a male dominated field. And that we can be better than them at it. I’d do it if I wasn’t busy with stuff I’m already good at.”

“I don’t know. The paper keeps me pretty busy and I’m already dating Spot so I see him enough.” Katherine was doing it all wrong, but Sarah fell to the ground anyway.

“You’re dating Spot Conlon?” She sounded intrigued.

“Yeah, it’s nothing serious yet but...I like him. He’s a nice guy.”

“If you say so.” She got on top of Sarah and pinned her down just like Sarah had. Sarah thought, at least she knew how to do one thing.

“I do say so.” She smiled up at Katherine above her and the girl smiled back. They stared at each other for what Sarah thought was a little too long.

“You should join the LGBTQ+ Club,” Katherine said suddenly. “It doesn’t take much of your free time. We only meet on Wednesdays during lunch. It’d be fun with you in it. And we always need allies.”

Sarah had been hesitant to join the club ever since Jack had told her about it her first day at school. She didn’t want to bring attention to herself or have people ask questions. Then she thought about it again when David joined, but she was too busy with the paper to join something else. At least that’s what she told herself.

But now that Katherine was asking, it seemed like a no-brainer. It was as if a lightbulb went off in Sarah’s head. Why hadn’t she joined? Her brother and two of her friends were in the club. It wouldn’t raise suspicions at all. “Why not? I’ll join.”

“Great,” Katherine replied with another smile. Again, they stared at each other for a little too long, It wasn’t until Sarah realized she was getting...excited below the belt, that she finally reacted. She grabbed Katherine and flipped her over, quickly getting up and facing away from her.

“Sorry, I really need to pee. Where’s your bathroom?”

“Down the hall, straight ahead.” Katherine thankfully hadn’t seemed to notice anything.

Sarah tried to remain as calm as possible as she walked to the bathroom. It felt like it took ages to get there. Every thought running through her mind was confusing her. Was that why she wanted to tell Katherine? Because she...liked her? Or was she just attracted to her? Or was that just a random fluke that occured because of body contact?

She’d always thought Katherine was beautiful, but she’d also thought that about plenty of other girls and she’d never felt any kind of sexual attraction to them. To be fair, she’d never felt much sexual attraction to boys either. Sarah was confused, but she decided to just calm down and give Katherine some excuse for going home. She could talk to David. Maybe he could give her some insight. But when she got home, David was on the phone with Jack.

The next day at school, she had to keep telling herself to calm down, but when she saw Katherine across the hall, she panicked a little. She turned to walk the other way and saw Spot and his posse by his locker. And she knew there was only one thing to do. She walked directly to him, grabbed his shirt and pulled him in for a kiss.

He was surprised and confused, as were the people around him. It was kind of a test to Sarah. To see if she liked it. She worried a little that she would get excited like she had the day before, but she had tucked well so she wasn’t too worried. However, nothing happened down there. They parted lips and Spot gave her a goofy smile. Some of his posse cheered.

“Sorry,” she apologized. “I just saw you and I had to…” He told her it was fine and then took her hand as they walked down the hallway. The posse surrounded them and now Sarah felt like she’d done something both stupid and revolutionary. She may not have joined the wrestling team, but now she was pretty sure the wrestling team had her back. And if she ever broke it off with Spot, they’d probably turn on her in an instant. What was worse, was that she still didn’t know how she felt about either Spot or Katherine. She’d have to figure that out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still a bit scared about writing a trans character because I want to do her justice and I didn't want the revelation of Sarah being trans to be for shock. I could have revealed it right away, but I wanted to hold off so that it could be a sort of happy surprise. I felt like revealing it now at the halfway point was best, especially since the rest of her arc will be about her coming out to her friends and accepting herself in a way she hasn't been forced to accept herself in.
> 
> But I just hope I'm not doing a hack job at writing a trans character. Please please please tell me what you think. I'd love to get input from trans people.


	12. Pridesies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crutchie and Davey have a conversation about Jack. Sarah and Spot talk about feeling fake. Jojo unexpectedly meets Sarah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Named this chapter Pridesies because of pride month mostly, but I think the theme ties up with each story. Happy Pride!

When Crutchie found out that Jack had gone out on a date with Davey, it came as a surprise. He’d thought Davey would heed his warnings. He’d thought Jack would finally stick to his instincts and not jump into dating someone new so fast. But most of all, he was surprised that he wasn’t completely heartbroken.

Maybe he’d just gotten used to all the times Jack had moved on to someone new. Maybe he actually believed that no matter how many people Jack was with, he wouldn’t find someone that stuck. It was terrible way to think, but it was the only way Crutchie knew he’d be okay.

If he was being completely honest, he was a bit sad that after things inevitably ended, he most likely wouldn’t hang out with Davey anymore. He’d grown to like the guy. He’d also grown to like Katherine, but once she was done with Jack, she was done with him too. For the brief period that Jack had had a thing with Race...well Race hadn’t shown much interest in getting to know Crutchie, so he didn’t really care for him either. Unluckily for him, Jojo had shown plenty of interest that Crutchie didn’t reciprocate.

Crutchie sat on a chair at his and Jack’s rooftop, which they’d designated as their Penthouse. Jack retold his date as Crutchie listened, paying attention for any sign that could mean Jack and Davey wouldn’t last long. He found it interesting that Davey was a bit slow with the more physical aspects, but he figured that was just a Davey thing.

“Don’t fuck it up,” was all he could tell Jack after he was done with his story. Crutchie felt like he had so much wisdom regarding relationships despite never having been in one. Unknown to anyone but Jack, he was also still a virgin. His dating app usage was all on the app itself. He’d been tempted to meet up with some of the guys he talked to but always chickened out. All his ‘wisdom’ came from watching tv, which he’d started doing religiously when he was in the hospital dealing with his bad leg. Of course, television wasn’t the greatest teacher.

Days later at school, he was at lunch with Jack, reading comments on the subreddit for one of his favorite shows, when Davey sat with them as usual. Except this time his desk was pulled up next to Jack, rather than equally between the two of them. Crutchie noticed this, but didn’t say anything. He also didn’t say anything when he saw Jack’s pinky wrap around Davey’s.

No, it didn’t break his heart. It boiled his blood. He knew jealousy was a terrible quality to have, but he knew that’s what it was. And he wondered why it couldn’t have been him. Crutchie knew he was a nice enough guy. He knew he was attractive. The crutch and the bad leg were not ideal, but they weren’t a dealbreaker. So why didn’t Jack ever go for him?

Jack got up to go to the bathroom and Crutchie was left alone with Davey. They spoke in unison.

“So you two are dating.”

“Hey I have to clarify something.”

“Go on,” Crutchie replied, curious as to what Davey wanted to clarify.

“I know you think Jack’s relationships or whatever don’t end well. And I know you...have a thing for Jack. And I know you two are best friends. And...I just want you to know, I’m not trying to get in the way of your friendship. I mean, I honestly consider you just as much as a friend to me as Jack is.”

And yet Jack was the one he was dating. Even with other guys, Jack was always the one they had crushes on. Except Jojo. But Jojo just wasn’t Crutchie’s type. He thought he was friendly but annoying. And in the end, he just didn’t like him.

“Basically, what I’m saying is...I’m sorry,” Davey finished. “I never in a million years thought that Jack would ever think of me as more than a friend so...I’m sorry. I care about your feelings too and I don’t want things to be awkward between us. Or to make things awkward between you and Jack. Honestly, if you’re not okay with this, just tell me and I’ll break things off with Jack. You friendship means more to me than...whatever it is between me and Jack. Really.”

Crutchie knew that if he wanted to, he could seduce Jack. Just as much as he knew he could meet with a rando on one of his dating apps. He knew if he wanted to, he could manipulate Davey into backing off of Jack. He knew he could be even more dramatic and wait until Jack and Davey were a full-fledged couple, and then break them up scandalously. But he also knew that he wouldn’t do that. Not to Davey. Especially not to Jack.

“Davey, it’s fine,” he responded after a second. “I’m happy for you two really. I was worried that you two wouldn’t work out but...you seem to be doing fine. He really likes you and I can tell you like him a lot too. It’s great when things work out like that. You guys make a cute couple.” He gave Davey his most sincere smile and held up his fist for a bump. Davey smiled back and bumped his fist.

Jack came back and they got into a conversation about the show Crutchie was reading up on. Midway through, he saw Jack trying to reach for Davey’s hand but Davey pull away. Crutchie hadn’t meant to create any kind of friction, but he could tell he had and internally he was a bit happy about it and proud of himself. He could already see cracks in the romance. Still, he knew that was the jealousy talking. He really did like Davey, and he just hoped that if and when this thing with Jack ended, that it wouldn’t be too explosive. Davey was interesting.

* * *

Sarah felt like the queen of the world. Or of the school at least. Even without Spot, his posse surrounded her like a blockade of bodyguards. They were nice to her since she’d done several articles on them. She already knew Tommy Boy and Hot Shot from previous wrestling meets and Jojo’s party. They all offered her several protein snacks, some of which she took.

She was still getting used to the crowd and she wondered how Spot was able to do it. She wondered if they would all go away if she asked them to. But she didn’t want to seem rude, so she just went along with it. For now anyway.

She and the posse walked to Spot’s table during lunch. Ever since she kissed him publicly, she’d been sitting with him at lunch and enjoying the perks of being with the toughest guy in school. If only they knew she was the toughest girl in school. Spot was already at the table with a few of the other wrestling guys that weren’t with her. When she sat down next to him, she heard them talking about...wrestling. Spot didn’t seem as interested. He smiled at her and gave her a peck on the lips. It was sweet.

She should’ve been happy. Except this all seemed fake. Even looking at Spot she could tell he didn’t seem happy. Was happiness the price she had to pay for popularity? Was she willing to pay it?

Sarah leaned close to Spot and whispered in his ear, almost jokingly, “Is there a way to get rid of them?”

He could tell she wasn’t joking. “Hey, everyone! Leave! Me and my girl need some privacy.”

The boys stopped talking and picked up their lunch trays, leaving the table and heading in different directions, looking for another place to sit.

“Your girl, huh?”

“I don’t think they all know your name. It’s just easier that way.” He gulped down some water, knowing they were about to have a serious conversation. He knew it had to happen sooner or later. Especially with him and Race getting closer. “So uh what’s up?”

She didn’t know what to say. She had so many thoughts in her head that she couldn't organize. Where was a good place to start? “Do you ever feel like you’re being fake?”

He wanted to tell her he felt that all the time, but instead he just nodded.

“Like, you never really know who you’re hanging out with or why they’re hanging out with you because they know as much as you do about them? Even with you, I feel like I know you but...I don’t really know a lot about you.”

Spot remained silent, knowing full well that it was true. She didn’t fully know him and who he was. And as much as he and Sarah clicked, he supposed there was a lot about her he had yet to learn.

“Like, everyone seems to think that you’re part of a gang and you beat people up, and I know that’s not true, but...it could be true and I just don’t know.”

“It’s not true,” he said with a quiet laugh. “People exaggerate.”

“But like, what’s that based on? You know? Why would people think that? Not that it’s any of my business, but it’d be nice to know.”

“Right, well. I beat up a guy once. Just once. It was...regrettable.”

“Oh. What for?”

“Uh...trying to kiss me.”

“Oh.” That scared her. She knew she wasn’t a guy. But would Spot see her that way if he knew she was trans? She couldn’t help but wonder if when she’d kissed him in front of his posse, it would’ve gone a different way had he known.

“That was a long time ago though,” Spot said, realizing he’d struck a nerve with Sarah. “I wouldn’t react the same today.” He was being truthful, as he had managed to not hit Race when he’d kissed him. Although, maybe that didn’t count because he’d been the one to kiss Race. “I’ve got better control of my anger. I have gay friends now so I’ve become more...tolerant, I think is the word.”

“Right,” she smiled at him. But it was one thing to be cool with the gays and another thing to be cool with the trans folk. “What if it was a bit more complicated than that?”

“Like what?”

“Like what if...a trans girl tried to kiss you?”

“A trans girl? Like a girl with a…”

“A girl who was born with a male body.”

“I mean...I wouldn’t beat a girl up.”

“But would you be okay with kissing her? I mean, if you liked her?”

Spot had never thought about that. It truly was a complicated question for him. He knew he liked guys. And he knew he wanted to like girls. If he was ever into a girl with male parts, would that be the solution to all his problems? “I uh...I don’t know about all that. It would have to happen for me to know what I’d do, I guess.”

Sarah wasn’t exactly satisfied with that answer. But it wasn’t a dealbreaker. If he was able to become more accepting of gay people, he could come to be accepting of trans people. Or maybe she was being naive.

“What about you?” Spot asked.

“Oh, well, if I liked her then I wouldn’t mind,” she immediately responded.

“I meant, what don’t I know about you?”

She chuckled at that. If only he knew. “Well, you already know I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

“Right.” Was that a hint? They’d gone out on a few dates and he’d even gone over to her house for dinner. They’d already made plans to go to his house for dinner. As far as she knew, there was no one else in the picture. “Would you like to?” As soon as he asked, he regretted it.

“What are you asking me?”

“Do you uh...wanna go steady? I mean...be my girlfriend?”

Sarah knew that if she wanted to, she could run. She had half a mind to just call it all off and go back to being a small town girl living in a lonely world. Instead, she gave Spot a soft kiss on the lips. “I’m down. As long as you keep referring to me as your girl.” She was feeling adventurous.

Spot gave her a grin and a nod, contrasting the feelings he had inside. Now he had more reason to feel guilty about Race. He wished he could be honest with Sarah, but it was far too late for that. Now, the only option left was to break it off with Race. It just didn’t feel right.

They hugged and both individually felt proud of themselves. Spot finally had a girlfriend. Sarah finally had a boyfriend. It was what they’d wanted for a long time, but what they wanted and what they needed were two separate things.

* * *

There was something about looking into someone’s eyes that was very intimate. Jojo knew the theory that if someone stared into your eyes for at least six seconds, they either wanted to fuck you or kill you. At this point, Jojo would happily take either one from Crutchie.

It was hard enough to looking into another person’s eyes, let alone do it for a full minute. It was another one of the LGBTQ+ Club’s trust exercises. One of the ones that made Jojo the most uncomfortable. But he knew he had to suck it up. Maybe he’d connect with someone. He at least was willing to keep an open mind.

He knew he had to avoid Race. The two would just laugh the whole time or play a game of gay chicken, which Race would end up winning. His second thought was Crutchie, but when he made eye contact with him, Crutchie immediately looked away and walked to the opposite end of the room. Jojo took the hint.

It wasn’t like he wasn’t trying to get over his crush on Crutchie. It was just that he didn’t know how. He tried using dating apps, but he just felt weird lying about his age to other guys. It was either that or the guys he talked to ended up being weird or thinking he was weird. And it wasn’t like any guy at school was busting doors down to be with him. Especially not anyone in the club.

He’d been late to the meeting so he hadn’t noticed that there was someone new there. He’d been in line to get a cup o’ noodles and it took a little longer than he’d hoped. Jojo quickly slurped the noodles while waiting there for someone to approach him and ask to be his partner.

His eyes wandered back to Crutchie. Of course Jack was his partner. He’d always wondered why they’d never got together. Even when Jack and Race had their fling, Jack had always treated Race like he was the side ho and Crutchie was his main squeeze. Which Race hadn’t minded at all. Race probably would’ve put the moves on Crutchie too if Jojo hadn’t told him about his crush.

“You got a partner?” Jojo turned his gaze to see the club’s newest member, Sarah Jacobs. It wasn’t so much of a shock that she was there. After all, he knew she was Davey’s sister and that she was in the school paper with Katherine. It was more of a surprise to him because of the other person they had in common.

“I do now,” he said with a kind smile.

“Cool,” she replied, a giggle escaping her lips. “I’m Sarah.”

“Davey’s sister right?”

“You got it.”

“And you also write for the paper.”

“Sports mostly.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen you at some of our wrestling meets. You talk to Spot Conlon a lot.”

“Yep. He’s my uh...boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” This threw him. He knew the two were seeing each other but he didn’t know it had gotten so serious. He wondered if Spot had broken things off with Race, but he doubted it. Race would’ve told him.

“Yeah, we made it official yesterday.”

“Well, congrats!” He really didn’t want to judge Spot or Race, but he couldn’t help but feel bad for Sarah. Jojo knew it was none of his business so he wasn’t going to say anything. Though he probably would make some remark to Race just because he knew him best.

“Thanks!”

He realized he hadn’t told her who he was. “I feel like an idiot. I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Jojo.”

“It’s okay. I know you. Spot and Jack invited me to one of your parties a while ago.”

“Oh right. The one where my parents showed up. You were doing shots with some of the wrestling guys.”

“Yeah, they’ve been nice to me. I might have to join the team.”

“I think a girl on our team would be kickass. Although I’d miss your headlines.”

“I could still write about wrestling while participating. I might even get better at it. Although I’d probably be very biased against any team we went up against.”

“You should be biased anyway. There’s no spirit like school spirit.”

Soon, they started the exercise. Every pair’s desks were facing each other. There were a lot of giggles across the room and complete quiet from the paired up Katherine and David, who were taking it very seriously. Jojo had made the mistake of sitting where Crutchie and Jack were in his direct eyeline, so every few seconds he’d look away from Sarah and towards Crutchie. After the minute was up, Sarah turned to see what he’d been looking at.

“So you have a thing for Jack, huh?” she said discreetly when everyone was getting up to turn their desks back toward the front of the room.

“What? No,” Jojo replied nervously. He thought Jack was cool, but he’d never been into him in any way more than a friend.

Sarah turned to look again. “Crutchie?” she asked softly.

Jojo didn’t want to lie so instead of denying it, he just remained quiet. They sat back down as Jack started to get into the actual meeting. Sarah didn’t push the issue, which he admired. But he really wanted to talk to someone about it and he knew Race was tired of hearing it.

“It’s a non-starter,” he whispered to her. “Crutchie’s not into me. So I’m just trying to get over him. I just don’t know how. Brownie points if you can tell me.”

Sarah nodded and responded, “I’m a reporter, I’ll find out for you.”

He took that as a joke and smiled at his new friend. Little did he know, she was only half-joking. She also wanted to know how to get over someone, since she’d had someone on her mind that she really wanted to stop thinking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter was a little shorter this time around, but it's only dipping as I gear myself up for a hopefully satisfying climax. I might just go back after I'm done and edit everything, but who knows. I'm almost done with the next chapter so it should be up sometime in the next week. I'm gonna try to finish this fic up by August but don't hold me to it. Comments help with inspiration so please keep them coming! <3


	13. Oversies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah goes around the school trying to find out how to get over someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Format's a bit different this time just cause I thought it'd be fun. For those living in the US, happy independence day! This is my gift to you. For those of you outside of the US, this is also my gift to you! Because who doesn't like gifts?

_ How To Get Over Someone _

The title was the easiest thing. The hardest part was how to write it. Sarah hadn’t meant for it to be an article at first. In fact, she read some articles online written about the subject before she decided to ask someone in real life.

_ It seems like nowadays everyone is trying to get over someone. Be it a boyfriend, girlfriend, best friend, crush, family member, etc. it’s not an easy feat but it’s possible over time. _

The first person she talked to was David. She walked into his room where he was studying at his desk. She lay on the bed and wondered aloud, “How do you get over someone?”

David turned in his chair and stared, not knowing if she was being serious. “If I knew, I probably wouldn’t have started dating Jack.”

“Right,” she replied, frowning a bit.

“Did something happen with you and Spot Conlon? I knew that guy was bad news…”

“Calm down. This isn’t about him. It’s about…” It was about her really. She couldn’t stop thinking about her incident with Katherine. They hadn’t continued their self defense training because Sarah had told her she was busy with schoolwork. She’d been trying to keep her distance, but Katherine had really started to warm up to her. “It’s about your friend Crutchie.”

David had been trying to keep Crutchie from being a third wheel by including him in whatever activities he was doing with Jack. It was almost as if he was putting a pause on dating Jack just to make Crutchie comfortable. He had invited them both for dinner and everything went well. Except apparently now there was something going on with Crutchie. “Oh. Did he...did he tell you about...him and Jack?”

“What about him and Jack?” She was confused by the question, having been talking about Jojo’s crush on Crutchie. She never stopped to think that… “Wait, Crutchie has a thing for Jack?”

“You didn’t know.”

“No, I didn’t…”

He felt stupid for even bringing it up. He knew it was a secret and now he’d told his sister. “Don’t tell him I told you. And don’t tell anyone. I like him. He’s a good guy.”

“Is that why you were acting so weird at dinner? Does Jack know? How long have you known?”

“Great, so I was acting weird. Do you think they noticed? Ugh. Sarah...I don’t know how to deal with this.”

“Talk to me.”

He told her what had happened at the party in the closet with Crutchie and the conversation they’d had during lunch. And then he told her about his worries. “I don’t know if Jack knows or how he feels about Crutchie. They’re always so...close. There were times when I’ve thought they were secretly a couple, but now I know that’s not true. I just...What if Jack feels the same about Crutchie but nothing’s happened because they won’t talk about it? What if I’m in the way of this epic romance that’s supposed to happen between them?”

“Okay, Dave, stop. Jack is dating you. If he wanted to date Crutchie, he would. He’s not exactly subtle. He could have anyone he wanted and he clearly wants you.” Sarah had to make this clear to David even though she wasn’t a hundred percent sure of her words. She just needed him to stop worrying long enough to clarify things with Jack.

“What if Jack and Crutchie start dating and I’m the third wheel? I mean, imagine how he feels watching someone he loves be with someone else he considers a friend? How would he get over Jack? How would I get over Jack?”

Sarah had no real response other than trying to get him to see that that wouldn’t happen. As much as she tried, she was only able to calm him down enough to get back to studying.

_ There seem to be people who think it’s something that can be over and done with quickly. If you’re on the rebound, there’s no possible time to feel bad about the loss, right? But getting over someone by replacing them doesn’t work. How can you equate one relationship with a person and another relationship with a different person? No matter who it is with, each individual relationship is different. You can’t replace one person with another as if it was a job position to be filled. _

The next person she asked was Spot. He was caught off guard by the question. They were sitting together at lunch without the rest of the posse again. “How do you get over someone?” she repeated.

“Like...dying?” He was trying to be funny, but Sarah shook her head. “Romantically?” She nodded.

It was a good question. Spot couldn’t help but think about Race and how he’d been trying to get over him. Unfortunately, Race just wasn’t someone he’d been able to shake.

Earlier in the week, they’d met up at the library so that Spot could break things off, but things didn’t go according to plan.

“This is a weird place to make out, but I’m down,” Race said. “We might have to be extra quiet though.”

Spot looked around to make sure no one was around. It was like second nature to him now. “Race, I’m not here to make out with you. I’m here to…” His face said it all. “We can’t do this anymore.”

“You’re here to end this?”

“Yeah. I just...I have a girlfriend now. And I can’t be with her and...be kissing you. You know?”

“Then stop seeing her and kiss me instead.”

“No, Race, you’re not getting it. I like Sarah. She doesn’t deserve this.”

“You lying to her? No, she doesn’t deserve it. But you don’t either.” Race got close and Spot had to lightly push him back. “Spot. You say you like Sarah and you obviously like me. But I don’t see you sneaking around with her to make out in hidden locations.”

“That’s cause we’re not hidden. I’ve kissed her in non-hidden locations.”

“Yeah, and that’s all you do. A peck here and there. I’ve seen you two and I’ve seen more chemistry between Jojo and sangria. You don’t make out with her like you do with me. You don’t touch her…” He took Spot’s hand and placed it on his ass. “...Like you touch me.”

Spot snapped his hand back. “Regardless. She’s my girlfriend and you’re just…”

“What? A side piece?” Spot opened his mouth to retort, but Race didn’t even look bothered. “Call me a biscuit, I don’t care. I’ll be a side piece. As long as you’re the one eating.”

Spot didn’t know how he felt about that. Well, other than feeling aroused. And Race knew it too.

“Have you ever gotten a blowjob, Spot Conlon?”

Spot couldn’t respond to that. It was like his body was taking over his mind.

“C’mon. Let me show you something you can’t get from Sarah.” Race pulled Spot by the hand and soon they were in the library bathroom, doing something they shouldn’t have been doing in a library bathroom.

Spot shrugged his shoulders and his recollections away. He turned to Sarah to reply, “I’ve never had a girlfriend before you so I don’t know what getting over one is like.”

“What about like...a best friend?”

“Getting over a best friend?” He thought about how he and Jack used to be really close. “You just...get on with your life. Pretend they don’t exist.”

“That doesn’t sound like a way to get over someone,” she said. “Sounds more like denial than anything.”

“Well, if you ever broke up with me, I think I’d want to deny it as much as possible,” Spot joked.

Sarah smirked at him. She still didn’t have an answer to her question.

_ Then there are those who prefer to pretend the relationship never happened. Like the person never existed. If it never happened, then there’s no reason to feel bad. This also fails to work because all you’re doing is repressing feelings that are going to come out anyway. In order to get over someone, you have to think about all those feelings. Getting over someone isn’t a fast process. The longer and closer someone is with you, the longer it takes to let go of them. _

Sarah spent her next few lunches going around the school and doing sort of a lunch survey on the subject. She talked to Romeo who she thought could give her some insight since every time she saw him, he was flirting with someone new. Unfortunately, he had no clue seeing as how he never got attached to anyone. Specs, who was next to him, seemed to get offended at that statement so Sarah asked him. He told her the best way to get over someone was to get under someone else. Romeo challenged him with a, “Yeah, you do that,” and then they both started arguing. Sarah left it at that and moved on.

She talked to Tommy Boy and Hot Shot while Spot was in the bathroom one lunch. Hot Shot said he got over people by focusing all his energy on sports, while Tommy Boy told her he focused on eating and building muscle. She declined the beef jerky they offered her.

The whole time, she had been taking notes, so one lunch she decided to go to the computer lab to write everything down and see if she could organize it into something coherent. Bill and Darcy were there editing an article for the paper, trying to beat Katherine’s deadline.

“Hey, have you two ever had girlfriends?” she asked as she sat down next to them. They looked at each other and then shook their heads. “Boyfriends?” Bill snorted and shook his head, while Darcy just scowled. “Nevermind then.”

“Why’d you ask?” Bill pondered curiously.

“I’ve been asking around, how do you get over someone?”

“Oh.” Bill thought for a second before answering. “Well, I may not have experience with a girlfriend, but I’ve had plenty of crushes I’ve had to get over before.”

“And how did you get over them?”

“Time,” he answered with a shrug. “That’s the best way I can put it. Like, me and Darcy both used to have big crushes on Katherine.” A groan was heard coming from Darcy. “But we both learned to respect her and now...I mean, I wouldn’t say no if she asked me out, but I can say I’m glad I can be her friend.”

“Or as close to friends as we can be,” Darcy spoke.

“Are you still not over her?” Sarah asked. Bill’s was honestly the best response she’d gotten so far, especially since it was regarding Katherine. But she was curious about Darcy’s point of view. If Bill was the positive end of things, maybe Darcy was the more negative.

“No, I’m over her. And I respect her too. I just don’t think she and I have that much in common. My so called crush on her was mostly based on looks. Let’s just say I mostly know her through her writing, and it doesn’t give me much insight seeing as how she tries to stay unbiased. I try to forget I had a crush on her because it doesn’t make sense to me. I remember it, but I don’t remember the feelings.”

“Right,” Sarah replied. She went on to organize her notes, all the while thinking about what Darcy had said. Katherine was beautiful, so was it a purely physical attraction that she had to her? Was it even an attraction? Maybe it had just been a fluke and she was just worrying about nothing. Maybe she would be like Darcy one day and wonder why she ever felt that way.

_ A lot of times there’s a case of arrested development. I’m talking about the people who spend too much time thinking about the lost relationship. Maybe they imagine what could have been done differently, or what if they were still together. And then they refuse to let anyone new into their life. That doesn’t work either because it’s the exact opposite of moving on. _

Later that day, she decided to stop thinking about the whole ordeal and instead deal with someone else’s drama for a change. “Can I ask you something serious?” There was nothing interesting going on in chemistry class, so Sarah figured it was the perfect time to have a conversation with Jack.

He looked a little wary, but he nodded.

“I’m just gonna come right out and say it...You and Crutchie...Is there something there?”

Jack looked taken aback, but then laughed it off. “Sarah, I’m dating your brother.”

“I know, but...It’s just that you and Crutchie are so close. I was just wondering if that’s like a brotherly thing or if there’s ever been more.”

“It’s a brotherly thing.” That was the easiest answer at least.

“So...there’s nothing there at all? You’ve never been into him in a more than a friendship kind of way?”

He sighed, looking down at the worksheet he was supposed to be completing. He could choose to leave it at that. Or he could tell her part of the truth.

“Sorry, I won’t push it.” Sarah looked down at her own work, hoping she didn’t cross a line with her questioning.

“I won’t say I’ve never thought about it.” He thought it wouldn’t hurt to be honest. He figured Davey was the reason she was asking and if he could make Davey feel more comfortable, it would benefit everyone. “Crutchie’s been my best friend for a while now and...Well, he’s been my best friend far too long for anything to happen between us. And he’s already been through so much. I’m sure he can barely deal with me as a friend...Anything more would just be too much for him. It wouldn’t end well.”

“But you’re not too much for David?”

“Davey’s different. He can handle me.” Or at least the parts of him that Crutchie couldn’t handle. “And Davey’s just…” He smiled, thinking about him. “I really like him, Sarah. He’s so smart and handsome and...I can see a future with him.”

Sarah seemed satisfied with that answer, but there was a part of Jack that was still stuck on Crutchie. It wasn’t that Crutchie couldn’t handle him, really. It was that Jack couldn’t be completely honest with him. Because if he was, he would lose Crutchie forever. And if there was anything Jack wouldn’t be able to handle, it was losing Crutchie. Race and Katherine never amounted to what he had with Crutchie, and he wondered if Davey ever would. Only one other person had ever come close, but he’d let that ship sink long ago.

Sarah went home that night and worked more on the notes. She was halfway through when she realized what she was doing was writing an article. This revelation made her more excited and she had a spark of inspiration. She finished it, gave it a quick edit, and then took a chance. She emailed it to Katherine before getting ready for bed. Hopefully in the morning, she’d receive good news.

_ But there are steps you can take to head in the right direction. The most important is being open to meeting new people. Again, not as a replacement, but as a new point of view, a new experience, a new hope. Maybe you’ll discover something in this new relationship that you were lacking in the last one. Or perhaps, you’ll find this new person has something you really enjoyed in the last one. Meeting new people isn’t everything, though. Just because you had one loss, doesn’t mean everyone around you is also a loss. Confiding in friends you already have also helps. _

Sarah woke up the next day with not texts and no email back. She was worried all the way to school, and even asked David to check in with Katherine during their English class. All she got was a text from David saying, “She wants to talk to you during lunch.” And that just made Sarah even more nervous.

At lunch, she cautiously approached the computer lab. Katherine waved her over as soon as she saw her and Sarah wondered if she should have been relieved. She sat next to her and Katherine turned her chair to make direct eye contact. She took Sarah’s hands, making Sarah even more nervous.

“Thank you.”

Sarah didn’t know what that meant. But she couldn’t help but keep staring into Katherine’s beautiful brown eyes. She could bury herself in them if she let herself. “You’re welcome?”

Katherine took her hands back and turned to her computer. Sarah saw she had her article pulled up, except it was on the school paper template. “I know you wrote this for me in hopes that I’d get over Jack. And trust me, I’m working on it. This is really insightful. It helps. And I think it can help other people...Denton already cleared it so...I’m putting it on this week’s paper if you don’t mind.”

“I…” It was the last thing that she expected. She’d only sent it to Katherine because she had wanted Katherine’s approval. She hadn’t even been thinking about Katherine’s feelings for Jack. And she certainly hadn’t been thinking about actually submitting the article for the paper. It was just that once she realized she was writing an article, she associated articles with Katherine, and it was a no-brainer to send it to her. Everything after that was just what Sarah considered lucky. “I don’t mind at all.”

_ Which brings about the next step: being open to releasing your feelings. If you’re not willing to talk to someone about it, maybe there’s a different way to go about it. That’s what art is for. You could draw out your pain with a drawing, or in the form of music or dance. Even sports is a great way to relieve stress.  _

On Friday morning, Sarah felt lucky again when she found Jojo before school. She’d decided to help Bill and Darcy disperse the paper, so she had a stack in her hands. “Jojo!” she called and the boy turned on the bench he was sitting at to look for his caller.

“Hey Sarah, what’s up?”

“I know you probably thought I was joking, but as a reporter, I thought it my duty to try and answer your question.”

Jojo had been trying to forget anything about Crutchie, so he didn’t remember what she was talking about. Then she handed him one of the school papers and pointed at a specific article. “Oh, wow.”

“Yeah, I hope it helps.”

“Thanks, Sarah. This means a lot.”

“No problem! Just keep giving me good ideas for articles,” she replied with a giggle, before setting off to finish distributing the papers.

Jojo was left alone to read the article. It had varying thoughts, but the main takeaway of the article for him was that getting over someone took time. It was a bit cliche but Jojo appreciated it. He decided to focus on that concept rather than just trying to avoid thoughts of Crutchie. If he constantly thought that he’d eventually get over Crutchie, it was bound to happen.

At lunch, he met up with Race and he handed him the paper, having highlighted the article for him. Race sped through it and Jojo saw his friend’s face go from a curious smile, to a frown, to a leer. He practically slammed the paper against Jojo’s chest as he shook his head.

“That was stupid.”

“Race...you...you didn’t think it made a lot of sense?”

“No, it put too much emphasis on what not to do.”

“Well, yeah but towards the end it gave suggestions.”

Race blew a raspberry at Jojo and gave him a thumbs down.

“This isn’t because it’s written by Sarah, is it?”

“I don’t even really know the girl, I have no grudge against her.”

“But she’s Spot’s girlfriend. I know that you and Spot...were seeing each other. You’re not still seeing each other, are you?”

“Calm down...No, we’re not. He broke it off. And we weren’t seeing each other. We were just fooling around.”

The way Race had brushed it off as if it was nothing made Jojo suspect that he was lying. He wouldn’t have been surprised since it hadn’t been the first time Race had lied to him. Thing was, with Race, he always found out eventually. Still, Jojo didn’t doubt that Spot had at least tried to break it off. And then he had to remind himself that at the end of the day, it was none of his business.

“Fine. But I think the article has a point. With the whole time thing. And Race…” Jojo put his hand firmly on Race’s shoulder. “I think you’ve had enough time.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know who I’m talking about.”

Race shoved Jojo’s hand off of him and stood up. “You shut the fuck up. You know I’ve moved on. I’ve been with plenty of guys since and…”

“You’ve had plenty of friends with benefits, you mean.”

“Even so, Jojo, there are some wounds that time just doesn’t heal. I don’t expect you to get it, but...don’t use this stupid article to try to tell me when and how I should move on. Fuck you.” Race’s face was red and his eyes were starting to water. Jojo took that as a sign to leave it alone. Race was right. It wasn’t his decision.

_ The truth is, there is no surefire way of getting over someone. It just takes time. And the thing about time is that it keeps moving. So the best way to move on is to get up, dust yourself off, and follow along with time. You don’t have to keep up, but you have to try. Once you try, just go at your own pace, one step at a time. There may come a day when you look in a mirror and realize that enough time has passed. You might be surprised to learn you’ve already moved on. _

The article made it around the school for the next week, helping some people, while provoking discussion in others. Even though Sarah didn’t find any particular answer she was looking for on her quest of trying to figure out how to get over someone, she was still glad she looked. She was confused, but she was happy and that’s all that mattered.

Unfortunately, every high has its come down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't judge the article I wrote haha. Both Sarah and I are amateurs. Sorry for the foreboding ending to the chapter. I have a flair for the dramatic and I like to tease. Next chapter will feature our 3 main couples again and the beginning of the climactic arc I've been building to. I'm excited.


	14. Stopsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race and Spot talk about the origin of their names. Katherine has a girls night with Sarah. Jack and Davey go on another date.

Race was doing what he did best and doing some laps around the school track. Practice was out and it was the weekend, but he didn’t feel like going home yet. And he couldn’t go to Jojo’s. He was still angry with him for that stupid conversation they had about the stupid article. He knew he’d forgive him eventually, but for now he needed to cool off.

He was halfway through his third lap when he noticed someone watching him from the bleachers. As he finished and got closer, he realized it was Spot. Another person he wasn’t sure he wanted to see, just because he wasn’t really in the mood to see anyone. Still, he jogged over to him and sat down. Spot remained silent as Race chugged from his water bottle.

“I uh...had a date with Sarah, but she canceled,” Spot said, after a minute. “I saw you running so...I thought I’d come and say hi. So...hi.” Race nodded, but stayed quiet. Another minute passed before Spot spoke again. “You sure running isn’t why they call you Racetrack? I still don’t buy the whole betting reason.”

Race smiled and shook his head. “I mean, okay, yes, but I’ve been called Race since before I joined track.” Spot looked interested in learning more. “I was given the nickname by a childhood friend. He uh…” Race laughed to himself as he thought about it. “He lived across the street and would always see me running out of the house in a hurry. Said I reminded him of the horses at the racetrack.” It seemed like forever ago, and it brought up a lot of emotions in Race that he’d been trying to keep locked up. Emotions he didn’t want to share with Spot.

“When I met Jojo,” he continued, “I jokingly introduced myself as Racetrack. And he spread that around until everyone, even the teachers called me Race. Then I joined track and now everyone’s like, ‘I get it haha.’”

Spot chuckled at that and then asked. “Why’d you use to run out the house in a hurry?”

“Out of all the questions you could have asked, you had to ask that one.” Then again, Race probably would have responded the same way to any question. He wasn’t really in a talking mood. Still, Spot distracted him from his thoughts and he needed a distraction. “Why don’t you tell me instead, how you got the name Spot. I don’t buy the whole spotting at the gym reason.”

“Alright, the real reason is that I’m pretty known for leaving a spot on your eye if you fuck with me,” Spot replied nonchalantly. They both burst into laughter after a beat. “Nah, in reality, Jack Kelly gave me the name.”

“President of the gay club, Jack Kelly?”

“Is that what you call him every time you talk about him?”

“Only every chance I get.” Race gave Spot a smug look, and Spot just sighed. They stared at each other a little too long before Spot turned away, looking a bit flushed. Race smiled to himself, but consequently frowned. He was feeling that spark again. “Go on with the story.”

“Oh, uh...Right. Well. My uh...My mom...she used to uh...She has a temper. And she’s a drinker. So she used to hit me. I’d end up with bruises sometimes. But I’ve always been active and I’d always find a way to hurt myself while I was out playing or something. So no one ever thought my mom was…”

“Abusive.”

“Right. Whatever. I’d always play with Jack and he noticed all the...spots he called them. He started calling me Spot. And thing about Jack Kelly is that once he’s got a nickname for you...It sticks. I tried coming up with a nickname for him but...I was the only one who ever used it.”

“I used to have a nickname for Jack Kelly too.”

“President of the gay club, Jack Kelly?”

“Yes, precisely, that Jack Kelly. I used to call him Daddy.” Spot groaned, which only made Race’s smile widen. “Yeah that was his response too.” Although Jack didn’t have a problem with that nickname in the bedroom. “Not as bad as when I tried giving Crutchie Morris the nickname Puppy. He took a swing at me with his crutch.”

“Is that really what they call the crutch boy? Crutchie?”

“You’ll never guess who gave him that nickname.”

“...Jack Kelly?”

“President of the gay club, Jack Kelly.”

They both laughed again and let it die as they stared at each other. This time Spot made a move. Looking around to see if the coast was clear, he scoot closer to Race and took his hand. He intertwined their fingers and Race let him. There it was again. That feeling that excited Race, yet put him in a state of unease. It didn’t help that the sun was setting.

“I uh...My dad was pretty abusive too,” Race admitted. “Still is. He’s the reason I used to run out of the house. I trained myself to be fast. If he can’t catch me, he can’t hurt me.” Spot gave his hand a light squeeze and a slight caress with his thumb. “I...I still haven’t come out to him out of fear that he’ll...Well, worst case scenario he kills me. Best case scenario, I end up with...spots.” He laughed to himself and then looked at Spot. They made eye contact again before finally Race kissed him.

There were different kisses for different occasions. Every time Race made out with Spot, it was driven by sex. It was animalistic and messy and hot. But this kiss was different. It was gentle. It was soft. It was...romantic. Race found it hard not to give into that feeling.

He pulled away but couldn’t keep his eyes from scanning Spot’s. Then, Race felt himself being pulled into a hug. There were a lot of thoughts running through his mind. Everything in his system was telling him to run, to pull the plug, to make a crude, offensive joke. He thought about telling Spot his new nickname was Bear because he was so cuddly and also gay and hairy. He thought about telling him that he was the only Spot he wanted on his body. He even thought about picking a fight again.

But he didn’t do any of that. He leaned into the hug and enjoyed it. It wasn’t as if he was lacking in hugs, but this specific hug was different. Just like the kiss was different. Just like the conversation was different. They were friends with benefits, but at the same time, they were more. And it scared Race, because the last time he’d felt those feelings, it had all ended in pain. And he never wanted to feel that again.

“Hey Race?” Spot said after a few minutes of hugging.

“Mmm?”

“Remember how you uh...blew me in the library?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you think...I could return the favor?”

“Hell yeah.”

If he had to be honest, it wasn’t the first time Race had done something sexual under the bleachers. But once again, it was different. Spot was special.

When they were done, they parted ways with a discreet kiss on the lips, and Race made his way to Jojo’s house. He had to cut his fight with Jojo short. He carefully climbed up to the second story where he tapped on Jojo’s window.

His best friend let him in with a, “Oh, are we friends again?” Race shook his head and gave him a look as if to say he wasn’t there to joke around.

He lay on Jojo’s bed for a few minutes, trying to clear his head of all the thoughts. Trying to process what his next move would be. Jojo sat next to him and patiently waited.

“So...don’t judge me,” Race finally spoke. “But I’ve still been fooling around with Spot.” Jojo raised an eyebrow but didn’t look surprised. “Now I’m thinking though...I need to end it. I think...he’s starting to catch feelings. And I can’t deal with that.”

Jojo sighed. Race knew that he probably wanted to lecture him, but he also knew that Jojo was the most supportive person he’d ever met. “End it then. Don’t be too harsh, but end it.”

That was Race’s plan when he went into school on Monday, but he was distracted by something he saw on the door of the little theatre.

* * *

Katherine didn’t know why she did it, but every day she slept at her dad’s place, before she left for school, she took a look at the drawing Jack had made for her. She had put it on top of her chest of drawers so every time she changed, it was there staring back at her. She’d started out admiring it, and then hating it, and finally settling on trying to pick on every little glitch she could find. Every time she looked at it, she couldn’t help but think something was wrong with it. She often thought of throwing it away, but she never did. She felt like it was her Dorian Gray picture.

At school, she finished up a meeting for the paper, and then sighed to herself as she thought about the drawing. She was staying at her father’s that night, so she knew the drawing would be there waiting for her. She knew Sarah would probably be interested in hanging out. Maybe they could go to Jacobi’s again.

“Oh...sorry,” Sarah said when she asked her. “I have a date with Spot tonight.”

Katherine had noticed that Sarah seemed a little distant lately. She also knew that she and Spot were officially a couple. Katherine wondered if she was trying to stay away because Spot didn’t like her. She had no problem with Spot not liking her, but she hated the idea of Spot asking Sarah to stay away from her because of it. Really, she hated most men at that point. David was the exception.

“What about you, David?” she asked him. “You free to hang out tonight?”

He hesitated with his answer but shook his head. “I also have a date tonight.”

“Oh?” She found this surprising, but she knew he was human after all. “Who with?”

He seemed to take even longer to respond and when he did, he mumbled. “Jack Kelly.”

Katherine had trained herself to not react, but maybe not reacting was just as telling as if she had. “Cool.” She hoped it was convincing and smiled to try to sell it. But she didn’t ask any follow-up questions like how long they’d been dating or how they even decided to. She didn’t want to know and David was smart enough to realize that.

She began to collect her things, not even bothering to ask Bill or Darcy if they were free to hang out. The two boys left before Denton even had a chance to suggest Katherine ask them. She felt a presence behind her and turned to see Sarah there. Katherine hated seeing that look of pity in her eyes, though it quickly turned to determination.

“I’m canceling my date,” Sarah stated. “We’re having a girls’ night at my place.”

“Sarah, no…”

Sarah took her phone out and shook her finger at Katherine. “I’ve already made up my mind. I’m texting Spot and my parents as we speak.”

Katherine knew she couldn’t say no. And she knew that there weren’t a lot of people she couldn’t say no to. Definitely not anyone else her age. 

So off they went to Sarah’s place where she was properly introduced to Mayer and Esther Jacobs. They had dinner, which consisted of the Jacobs asking Katherine a lot of questions about herself, and Katherine ready to answer all of them.

After dinner, they went to Sarah’s room to hang out. Unfortunately, they didn’t know what to do.

“Do you want to do each other’s nails or braid each other’s hair?” Sarah asked, playfully.

Katherine shook her head. She’d never been that type of girly girl that liked to dress up or look pretty. It was fine for her dad’s award ceremony, but glamming herself up just because it was any old day was not on her to-do list.

“What about a pillow fight?” Katherine gave Sarah a reproachful look. “Just thought I’d ask.” Sarah giggled and then sat down on her bed next to Katherine. “How are you feeling?”

Katherine was dreading this conversation. But she knew she had to have it. It was better to let her feelings out than let herself stew in her own pulpy juice. “Full. Your parents make a great brisket.” Now it was Sarah’s turn to give a reproachful look. Katherine sighed before nodding. “I don’t know how I feel. I’m trying not to think about it. I wanted to hang out to be distracted, but I should’ve known you’d try to get me to talk about it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with talking about it. Everyone has feelings.”

“I guess I’m just not good at expressing mine.”

“Not everyone is. Unfortunately, we live in a society that thinks we need to keep everything hidden and appear happy and perfect all the time. Well, Kath, it’s okay to be sad and angry and imperfect. Especially around me. I mean, I’m…”

Katherine noticed Sarah stopped herself to edit what she was going to say. She was familiar with that because she’d seen a lot of people do it and learned from it. Katherine liked to pre-edit. She rarely had to trip over her own words because she’d already planned them out.

“I’m not perfect,” Sarah finished, giving Katherine a kind smile.

But she kind of was. Sarah was the type of girl everyone wished they were. She was charismatic, she was beautiful, she knew how to defend herself. She was Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way. She saw no flaw. She wondered if Sarah had her own Dorian Gray picture.

“Okay, you know what? I’m gonna put some music on and then start painting your nails.” Sarah got up to play music from her laptop and Katherine sighed to herself. Had she made a mistake in coming here? She’d wanted to be distracted, but now she felt like she needed a distraction from the distraction.

Sarah ushered her to her desk and then brought out a case of perfectly organized nail lacquers. “Is this really what girls do?”

Sarah shrugged and frowned, putting the case down on the desk. “It’s what I’ve done with my girl friends.”

“I don’t know. I’d rather you teach me more self-defense really. Doing each other’s nails and braiding each other’s hair just...doesn’t interest me.”

Sarah looked like she was hesitant. “You should sign up for a class. I can only teach you so much.”

Katherine scoffed. “What’s wrong? I mean, I thought we were good. I thought we were friends. But you suddenly get a boyfriend and now it’s like...you don’t want to be around me. Did Spot Conlon tell you to stop being my friend?”

“Of course not. He would never.”

“Then what is it? You’re the only friend I have and now...You’re acting like this fake friend. You know I don’t like doing all this girly stuff. I know you do and that’s fine, but you know that I’m just not interested. And I feel like you’ve been avoiding me. Did I...do something wrong?”

Sarah shook her head. She looked embarrassed.

Katherine felt bad about that. She was doing it again. She was pushing her friend away. Maybe she’d been doing it subconsciously and now it was affecting Sarah so much that she didn’t want to hang out with her anymore. Katherine had thought to put all the blame on Spot, but what if she was actually the one to blame? It wouldn’t have been the first time she’d pushed people away. Hell, she still kept Darcy and Bill at arm’s length. “I’m sorry. I should go.”

“No!” Sarah intervened. “You’re right. I’ve been an asshole. I’ve been avoiding you...I just feel like...we’ve gotten so close. It’s scary.”

Katherine nodded. She knew what that was like. She trusted Sarah, but it was still hard to open up. Especially to someone whose opinion she cared about.

“So, no girly stuff. What should we do?”

Katherine shrugged, but then grew a smile. “Fuck the patriarchy. Let’s do guy stuff.”

“Like what? Throw a football around?”

“Yeah. Or how’s ‘bout we play a game of poker?”

“Ooh or a video game ‘cause girls don’t play those.”

“Ooh what if we go out, find a stick to whittle into a sword, and do some fencing?”

“Bruh, let’s get our guitars and serenade some hot babes.”

“Does your dad’s car need a tune-up?”

“Yeah let’s fix it and then take our hogs out for a ride around town so everyone can see how cool we are.”

“Vroom vroom!”

The girls couldn’t contain their laughter and they fell onto the bed until they were able to simmer down. Sarah accidentally let her arm rest on Katherine’s abdomen, but before she could move it, Katherine grabbed her hand. She turned to stare at Sarah for a few seconds. The other girl seemed to go a little red.

“I think I’m gonna be fine,” Katherine finally said. “I wasn’t as much surprised that Jack was dating someone else, but more that it was your brother. But I guess I shouldn’t have been. We’re a lot alike. Jack certainly has a type.” Sarah laughed and then they got up.

Over the next few hours they decided to do as many dudely activities as they possibly could, including actually throwing a football around that had belonged to Sarah when she was younger. Katherine was surprised to learn that despite their joking, Sarah was completely into doing all the things they had ironically listed.

At around ten, Katherine checked her watch and realized it was getting late and she still had some homework to do. She quickly got her things, said her goodbyes and went out the front door...where she found Jack and David kissing.

The two boys separated and both remained quiet as they saw who had interrupted them.

Katherine was surprised for the second time that day. Not at the two boys kissing, but at herself. She thought she would feel some kind of anger or some kind of bitterness, but instead she felt like laughing. Just the thought of seeing David happy, made her happy. And as much as she resented Jack, seeing him happy also put a smile on her face.

Jack and David seemed surprised themselves at her reaction. “David. Jack. Have a good night boys.”

She walked down to the gate before hearing footsteps behind her. She turned to see Jack approaching. David was still waiting on the porch.

“Hey, Kath. I saw the paper. The article about getting over people.” She nodded, urging him to go on. “I know Sarah wrote it but...I know you had to approve it and...I think that was great. And that you’re great.”

Katherine gave him a genuine smile and then softly punched him in the arm. “Thanks, Kelly. I’ll see you in class on Monday. Don’t leave your guy waiting.”

“Right. Nighty-night, Plumber.”

When Katherine got back home, she looked at the portrait Jack had drawn and realized why she’d tried to nitpick it so much. The girl in the picture was strong and confident and resilient, whereas Katherine hadn’t felt that way about herself in a while. But she was back. Now, she would look at that portrait and see herself. “Dorian Gray can suck it.”

Still, when she got to school on Monday, the graffiti on the door of the little theatre made her feel shaky.

* * *

“I am not riding on your motorcycle.”

“Still no?” Jack asked, putting down the helmet he’d offered Davey.

“Still no. I prefer to keep my life, thank you very much.”

“Hey, I’m a great driver. I’ve never been in an accident. Even Crutchie rides with me all the time.”

“Does he?”

“Yeah. I originally got the second helmet for him.” It had always surprised him how Crutchie was so for riding with him. He recalled Crutchie had even been the one to convince him to get a motorcycle. Jack had been dead set against it, but after some coaxing from Crutchie, he gave in. Their first ride together had kind of cemented a trusting bond between them.

“So it’s Crutchie’s helmet.”

“He can share,” Jack said with a laugh.

Davey reached out his hand and Jack handed the helmet over. He put his own on and then got on the bike. He looked at Davey and couldn’t help but think it was adorable that he looked so nervous. The boy got on but hesitated when he didn’t know where to put his hands. Jack took Davey’s arms and wrapped them around his body.

“Hold on tight.” Jack started the bike and he felt Davey flinch a little. “Hold on tighter.” Davey did so and then they were off. They decided to go to Jacobi’s again because it was a classic. They ordered their food and sat down. “So, how was the ride?”

Davey shrugged. “It was alright. Less scary than I thought it’d be. But you were probably trying to be extra safe for me.”

Jack smiled at that. “I was trying to ease you into it. I’m not a throw-you-into-the-deep-end kind of guy. I care about you.”

“I care about you too.” He reached out to grab Jack’s hand. “Which is why I think you should drive a safer vehicle.” They both laughed.

When the food came, they ate and talked about their hopes and dreams. Jack learned that Davey wanted to go into law to help people, but admitted the money was also a draw. Jack told Davey that he wanted to move out west to New Mexico to learn more about his culture since his mother was a Navajo descendant.

“Not sure if I’ll go for college, or wait ‘til after. I just have this image in my head of living in this Pueblo style house...or apartment, whatever. I’m in my studio painting and I take a break to have a margarita and sit by the pool, where Crutchie’s been relaxing on his coyote floatie…”

“Crutchie’s there?”

Jack had been more concerned with Davey questioning why there was a coyote floatie, that he hadn’t even thought that maybe bringing up Crutchie wasn’t the best idea. After his conversation with Sarah, he had kindly asked Crutchie to decline any of Davey’s invitations to their dates. Crutchie naturally obliged, saying he’d been starting to feel like a third wheel anyway. Now, Jack felt like he’d brought Crutchie on the date anyway.

“Crutchie’s family so yeah,” he replied, trying to think of the best way to put it. “He doesn’t really have any ambitions of his own. Or rather, he won’t tell me. So I told him about this dream and then I suggested he come with me. Doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. I just like the idea of him somewhere I can watch over him and make sure he’s safe. If uh...you and me get serious, I might start imagining you there too…”

Davey became attentive at Jack’s words and opened his mouth. After a couple of seconds, “You and I,” was what he said.

“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

After they finished eating, Jack still couldn’t shake the thought that Davey was still worried about Crutchie getting between them. They were supposed to play games, but he suddenly had a better idea. “Hey, do you wanna go for a ride with me? It’ll be fun, I promise.”

Davey shrugged, but he looked interested. They got back on the bike and rode for a while. Jack could feel Davey relaxing behind him, and he hoped he found this at least somewhat romantic. They reached a park in front of a large hill and Jack finally stopped.

Davey looked around and asked, “Are we going hiking?” Jack nodded. “Isn’t it a little late?”

“If we reach the top fast enough, we might be able to finish catching the sunset.”

“I’m not running. You should ask Race how bad I am at running. I bet I’m even worse uphill.”

“We can walk then. I just thought it’d be nice to bring you here. I’ve never brought anyone here.” He’d thought of bringing Crutchie many times, but he knew Crutchie would get tired easily and it would be a trip not just going up, but coming back down. “I don’t know if you like hiking but the view at the top is beautiful.”

“I love hiking. Never done an evening hike though. So I’m not sure how I feel about it yet.”

“I’m here to protect you,” Jack replied, putting his arm around the taller boy. “Trust me.”

They spent the next half hour or so walking a trail up the hill with little talking. By the time they got to the top, Davey was out of breath. Jack felt bad he hadn’t brought water with them, but he made a mental note to get some on their way back.

There was a bench at the top of the hill, or rather, a couple of bricks with a wooden board over, to sit on. The sun had mostly set but it was still visible. Davey sat down and looked at the horizon in awe. Jack looked at Davey and held his hand.

They sat there until it was completely dark, with the moonlight glowing over everything. Davey looked over at Jack and Jack did the same. It wasn’t long before they were kissing. This time longer than before, and much more intense.

Jack wondered if he was giving Davey his first French kiss and that excited him. He ran his fingers through Davey’s hair and down the back of his neck, onto his shoulders. He explored Davey down his biceps, grazing his nipple on his way to the abdomen. Davey’s hands were at his side until Jack reached the brim of his pants. He grabbed Jack’s hands, broke the kiss and said, “Slow down there, cowboy.”

It took Jack by surprise. Not that Davey had stopped him but that he’d called him… “Cowboy?”

“It’s a saying.”

“Right.”

He noticed something in the way Davey was looking at him, as if he thought he’d ruined something. “I’m sorry, I just...I’m not ready for anything...below the belt.”

“No, Davey, that’s fine. I just was caught off guard by...Cowboy.”

Davey laughed at that. “Do you prefer Rancher?”

“I mean, only if it’s jolly.”

“Are you jolly?”

“Right now I am.”

They smiled at each other and Jack thought they were going to kiss again, but instead Davey’s eyes widened. “What time is it? I need to get home.”

“Shit, yeah, I should get you home.”

It was a bit harder going back down the hill in the dark, but Jack had a small flashlight on his keychain to guide them. Once they were back in the parking lot, they drank some water from the water fountain before hopping back on the bike. Whereas before, Jack had been driving extra carefully, now he raced to get Davey back home. He thought Davey would object but the other boy just held on tighter. Halfway there, Jack thought he heard a, “Woo!”

They got to Davey’s house and he walked him to the door. “So am I approved for another date?”

“If you’ve got more beautiful views up your sleeve, then yeah,” Davey responded.

“I mean, I’m looking at one right now.” His eyes lingered on Davey’s and they kissed again. That’s when Katherine came out.

After his chat with her, Jack went back to Davey and this time they said their goodbyes, sharing another quick kiss before he left.

Jack got on his bike and felt like he was on top of the world as he rode home. He always had his worries when he was dating someone new. With Race, it was more spontaneous than anything. There wasn’t a lot of thinking required. With Katherine, he had to put in more effort, because he had to convince her to date him and then had to figure out how to work around her busy schedule. Now with Davey, he could tell it was going to take some time to get him to trust him, but he was willing to put in the time. Or so he thought.

When he parked in front of the building where he lived, he immediately called Crutchie to find out where he was. Every time he went on a date, he had to tell Crutchie about it. “Penthouse,” was the reply.

He got to the roof and saw Crutchie lying on a lawn chair with a blanket. “Have you been there since you got home?” Crutchie shook his head and pat the chair so Jack could lay with him. Jack lay down behind Crutchie and then put the blanket over both of them. They both linked hands and got comfortable. They’d done this many times before.

“I just came up to watch the sunset,” Crutchie replied. “And I guess I got lost in my thoughts. I was gonna go to the bar, but this is nice too.”

Jack gave Crutchie’s hand a squeeze and pressed a kiss on the back of his neck. There was a time when Crutchie used to shiver when he did that, but now there was barely any reaction.

Crutchie was so easy to get along with, especially since he just understood him like no one else did. Jack wondered if he could ever be completely honest, if he and Crutchie would survive. And if they did, he wondered how things would change between them. As much as he really liked Davey, Crutchie had a space in his heart that would never go away.

Even when he was seeing Race, and when he was dating Katherine, he always imagined living in Santa Fe with Crutchie. Even now with Davey, it was still just the two of them. He knew it was just a dream and it wouldn’t necessarily come true, so it didn’t worry him much that he never saw anyone else with him. After all, he was with Crutchie when he’d thought of it. He figured he’d eventually come up with another one and Davey would be in it. Even though neither Race, nor Katherine had made it far enough to have a dream future fantasy.

“Tell me about your date,” Crutchie said softly, a hint of interest in his voice.

Jack proceeded to tell him, but he wasn’t as excited about it as before. Afterward, they continued talking until they fell asleep in each other’s arms. When the sun came up, Jack woke up and couldn’t help thinking that his favorite place to wake up was with his arms around Crutchie. He was smiling to himself before the thought of Davey came into his head.

He carefully got up, trying not to wake Crutchie. He succeeded and covered the smaller boy with the blanket, taking a few seconds to watch him sleep. He needed to stop. He was dating Davey and it wasn’t fair to him to be thinking about someone else. He needed to spend less time with Crutchie and more time with Davey. But how was he going to tell that to Crutchie? He told himself he’d sleep on it through the weekend.

On Monday, Jack was distracted by his still conflicted thoughts, that he didn’t notice a group huddled around the door to the little theatre until Crutchie pointed it out. They walked over, wondering if it had to do with the Drama Club, or the LGBTQ+ Club.

They both grew visibly upset as they saw what the commotion was all about. Over the door of the classroom, someone had graffitied the word, “FAGGOTS”. One of the Gs had gotten onto the LGBTQ+ Club flyer.

Jack, Katherine, and Race were all livid. Someone was going to pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually have stuff to say after a chapter but I have nothing to explain this time. I'm just happy I've been able to write and that so far I'm keeping up with my deadline haha. Thanks for reading!


	15. Effectsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crutchie and David try to help out Jack. Spot has a sleepover at Jojo's. Sarah has a conversation with the Delanceys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just gonna say right now, the last part might be triggering to some because of the situation itself. Thought I'd put it out there.

The vandalism caused a big commotion, in the principal’s office, that was led by Jack, Katherine, and Race. Miss Medda joined in as soon as she saw. Crutchie was angry, but he knew it was better if he let the others try to handle it. Crutchie felt like his voice didn’t matter, or that he’d be pitied.

He sat outside the office, waiting to hear what was happening, and he stared at his crutch, thinking how no matter what he did, he wouldn’t ever feel normal again. Even if he got some kind of new mechanical leg. But he knew that a crutch was better than a wheelchair. It was way more uncomfortable, but at least he could walk.

When the three teens and Medda came out of the office with the principal, they all still looked angry, but a little more calm. Jack told Crutchie that the principal was going to search lockers for any kind of spray cans. Crutchie thought that was a dumb idea. The graffiti may have been discovered that morning, but the culprit essentially had all weekend to do it and he figured they wouldn’t be stupid enough to leave the evidence in their locker. But at least it was something to do. Meanwhile, a custodian would paint over the graffiti.

As he walked to class, Crutchie couldn’t help but look at every single person he passed in the halls, wondering if any one of them could have done the damage. He tried to distract himself with his actual classwork, but it wasn’t long until he got a text that would keep him preoccupied.

When the bell rang, he knew what he had to do. He walked as quickly as he could to the principal’s office, ready to make some noise. He didn’t care how much trouble he got in. Jack needed him and he was going to be there for him.

When he got there, however, a tired-looking Jack was leaving with Miss Medda at his side. “Jack, I was just gonna tell Pulitzer--”

Miss Medda held up a finger. “Crutchie, don’t say anything else. It’s all been taken care of. Go to your next class.”

“I’ll see you at lunch,” Jack was able to mutter.

When lunch came along, Crutchie hurried to Miss Medda’s room. The door was open, as the paint was still drying. Miss Medda was in there making a call, but Jack wasn’t there yet. He sat down and a minute later, David came in.

“Hey, Crutchie. What’s going on? I got a text from Specs earlier that said Jack was in trouble. That they’d found spray cans in his locker.”

“Yeah, he sent me that text too. I went down to Pulitzer’s office to tell them the cans were mine but...Miss Medda said it was taken care of.”

Miss Medda had finished her call and had apparently heard them talking because she went up to them and cheerfully said, “Hey, boys, can you come help me in the costume room?” The two of them followed her into what was essentially a walk in closet full of costumes. She made sure none of the other students in the classroom had followed or were close enough to listen.

“Okay, here’s what happened,” she said. “Yes, they found spray cans in Jack’s locker. So the principal called him to his office. Luckily he didn’t say anything until I got there. I told Pulitzer that Jack had the spray cans because he was helping me paint a set for the next school play and I forgot that I’d given them to him. Pulitzer was suspicious, but he had no reason to doubt me. Just as I have no reason to doubt Jack.

“I know he didn’t put up the graffiti, and that’s the only reason I said what I said. But those cans weren’t mine and they weren’t his so...Someone is trying to frame him. I think right now he’s trying to find out who, but...I think he just needs his friends. And I’m sure you need him too.”

The boys nodded and then they proceeded to go try to find Jack. But when they did, he was too far into his investigation. He was angry and he was making it his sole purpose to find out who was trying to frame him. For the next few days, he kept obsessing over it to the point where Crutchie and David needed a break. He’d even brought it up in the LGBTQ+ Club meeting.

The next week, Crutchie texted David and they met in Miss Medda’s room for lunch. He knew Jack wouldn’t mind going at his investigation alone. He probably preferred it that way. But Crutchie was tired. The graffiti could’ve been done by anyone.

“We need him to stop,” David said as they settled down into their desks.

“But how?” Crutchie had tried everything shy of physically snapping Jack out of it. He even tried reasoning that the damage wasn’t bad enough to be so focused on it, although he didn’t believe that himself. People at school were still talking about the incident, as they probably would be for the next few weeks. Even as he went into the little theatre, he’d seen people staring at the door, wondering if the vandalizer would strike again.

“I’ve been thinking,” David said slowly and quietly. “I mean, I’m not sure it would work, but...It would probably distract him…” Crutchie waited. “But I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”

“What is it, Davey?”

“Okay, so ever since the graffiti thing happened, I’ve just been wanting to do something. Something big. Something to make us feel stronger. To...give a big middle finger to the man. And to whoever put up that...hateful word.”

“Just spit it out. Your idea.”

“Okay, well, what if we hold some kind of pride pep rally? I know at the very least everyone in the club would participate. We could hand out stickers and stuff. Get a few others to join in. Maybe have new people join the club.”

“Jack could make a speech.”

“Katherine could write it.”

“Davey, I could kiss you!” David blushed a little, though it went unnoticed by Crutchie. “That’s a great idea! It would definitely distract Jack, and it would also help us out. We should definitely pitch it at the next meeting. You...you’re a genius.”

“I wouldn’t say genius…”

“Godsend then. An angel. A saint. Deus ex machina.”

“Crutchie...please…”

At the next meeting, Davey, with Crutchie’s help, pitched the idea to the club, and everyone was on board. They all put effort in and by the next Friday, they were holding their rally. Jack was successfully distracted and everything had gone according to plan. Stickers were handed out, some other clubs joined in for the pep part of the rally, there were even some possible new club recruits, and Katherine had written a speech for Jack.

Jack was at the end of the speech when he suddenly stopped. Crutchie could tell that he’d just gotten one of his crazy Jack ideas. Ideas that could go either way.

“You know,” Jack said into the microphone. “I’d like to thank you all for showing your support for the our community and for your classmates. But most of all, I’d like to thank one person in particular, for who we owe this rally to. David Jacobs, could you please come up here?”

David looked at Crutchie, wondering what he should do, but Crutchie was just as confused and he shrugged. David looked back up at Jack and upon seeing his inviting smile, went up to the stage nervously.

Jack took David’s hand and looked back out to the audience. “This guy right here has done more for the LGBTQ+ Club than I’ve done since I started it. He’s made it a real safe space. He has all the best ideas. He’s...he’s amazing.” He turned back to David, who was fully red. “I have a question for you, Davey. Will you…” Jack swallowed before finishing the question. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

There were some gasps from the audience. Crutchie knew at that moment that this was probably one of Jack’s more worse ideas, but he didn’t know if he thought that because it was true, or out of jealousy. David looked right at him as Jack waited for a response. But again, all Crutchie could do was shrug.

“Yes,” David said as he turned back to Jack.

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

Jack smiled and he pulled in David for a kiss. In front of the whole school. Cheers came, mostly from the front where members of the LGBTQ+ club were standing. Some groans were heard from the back. Crutchie then figured it out. He wasn’t jealous. He wouldn’t have traded places with David if he could. All of this, it wasn’t personal. It was a stunt. Crutchie felt sad, not because Jack and David were officially a couple, but because he felt that Jack had just started on a path to ruin another relationship.

* * *

Spot couldn’t exactly react to the vandalism. He had to pretend he didn’t notice it or that it didn’t affect him. Except it did affect him. He was much quieter in the weeks after it happened. He was focused on wrestling more than anything. He usually gave the team inspirational speeches before every meet, but now he was letting Jojo give them. Spot was just trying not to break down and cry.

The Friday after the graffiti was found, the school paper had released a front page article about it. For some reason, Spot’s mother had gotten a copy of it and someone had sent her a picture of the graffiti in question. “Serves them faggots right, huh son?” she’d asked him straight to his face. He agreed with her and then went to his room, crying as quietly as he possibly could.

But he could deal with that. He was strong. It wasn’t until the pride pep rally that he’d finally had enough. He was standing towards the back, trying to pay attention to Jack’s speech, but the Delancey brothers were standing nearby talking loudly. He wanted to yell at them to shut up, but he didn’t want to draw any attention to himself.

Then Jack called David to the stage and they kissed. He’d seen it before, in front of Sarah’s house. He’d felt awkward about it at first, but he had tried not to think much of it. Now that it was in public for everyone to see, Spot felt like he was the one on blast even though it wasn’t him on stage. “That’s fucking gross,” he heard one of the Delanceys say. He wanted to punch them both in the face. Instead, he subtly walked away to the nearest bathroom.

He’d locked himself in a stall when he heard the footsteps of someone coming in. He hoped to god it wasn’t Race. He didn’t want to deal with him and his radical ideas. He hoped it was just some random guy that needed to pee and would leave right after. Of course, whoever it was knocked at his stall. “Spot?”

Luckily, it wasn’t Race’s voice that he heard. It was Jojo’s. And he couldn’t have been happier to hear it. He got up and exited the stall, giving Jojo probably the biggest hug he’d ever given him. Probably the biggest hug he’d ever given anyone. Without saying anything, Jojo hugged him back. “Hey, Jo? Can I stay with you this weekend?”

Spot told his mom he was staying at a wrestling buddy’s place for the weekend to study for their end of year tests. It wasn’t exactly a lie, although he didn’t think they’d do a lot of studying. He got to Jojo’s house and was a bit irked to see Race open the door. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see him. He just would have rather it be only him and Jojo. Race was an emotional overload for him. Around him, he felt happy, sad, horny, angry, and peaceful all in the span of one glance.

Race looked just as pleased to see him, a bit reserved at first, but then all smiles. He took Spot’s hand and pulled him into the kitchen where Jojo was pouring them drinks. A screwdriver for Race and two orange juices for Spot and himself. Race continued holding his hand.

“God, you guys are making me look like an alcoholic,” Race said before downing his entire drink happily. Jojo and Spot laughed.

They spent the rest of the night playing games and watching tv. After midnight, Spot could tell Jojo was tired, as he kept yawning. He figured Jojo liked the company and didn’t want to be the first to bow out. Spot wasn’t sleepy, but he felt obligated to let his friend rest. “Hey Jo? I’m getting kinda tired.”

“Oh? Yeah, man, it’s pretty late, huh?” he replied. Race groaned a little as they all got up to go upstairs. He seemed to still be up for a party. “Do you want to sleep in my room or take a guest room?”

“Guest room’s cool,” Spot said. He didn’t want to bother Jojo as he slept, and he knew if he was in the room, Race would be too. He felt like being alone with his thoughts.

After brushing his teeth, Jojo led him to one of the guest rooms and said, “Race, my room,” when he saw Race tiptoeing towards the bed. Spot smiled at Race but pushed him out before saying good night and closing the door.

He lay awake in bed, with the bedside lamp on, thinking about the way he’d let his mother dictate how to live his life. He loved her, and as a kid, he thought she could do no wrong. The older he grew, the more wrong he realized she was doing.

He’d always blamed the alcohol for everything. He’d always thought she relied too much on it. He’d thought it was the reason she had hit him when he was younger. She’d stopped when she realized he could do more damage to her than she could to him. She never realized that he would never hurt her. But he was starting to realize the alcohol wasn’t the issue. She was.

He got up and went downstairs. He took a glass and poured some vodka in it. At first, he stared at it. Then, he took a sip. It burned and he wondered why people liked the stuff. Maybe he needed more. He took a gulp this time. He hated it. Or maybe he hated himself enough to drink more. Was this how it started? With one gulp of self-hatred?.

“I thought you didn’t drink.”

Spot turned around and saw Race standing at the doorway, watching him. “I thought you didn’t want to look like an alcoholic.”

Race walked toward him and took the glass from his hand. He drank the rest of the vodka and put the glass down. “I’d rather be an alcoholic than turn you into one.”

“Thanks. I hated it.”

Race smiled at him and took his hand like he had earlier. “Bedtime.” Spot wanted to just melt. This whole thing with Race was too complicated for him to handle, but it was easier when he didn’t think about it. Maybe that’s why he tried drinking. He was tired of continuous thinking.

They went upstairs to the guest room, where Race closed and locked the door. He led him to the bed and they immediately began making out. But as much as he didn’t want to think, Spot knew that they couldn’t just keep doing that and not expect there to be consequences. Cheating on Sarah was one thing, but he was getting too comfortable. He was heading towards a point where he wouldn’t be able to go back.

When Race took a condom out of his pocket, Spot didn’t know that would be the deciding point. He was overcome with lust and the shot he took was starting to affect him. He couldn’t control his impulses. Race guided him through everything, from stripping down, to loosening him up. It was an experience he would never forget. There were some awkward moments, but when they finished, he felt he’d been successful.

He woke up needing to pee. Race was on the other side of the bed, having stolen all the blankets. Spot put his shirt and underwear on and went to the bathroom. He figured he might as well shower and brush his teeth. When he’d done that, he still didn’t want to go back to the room. He didn’t know why. It would be so easy to go back to bed and watch Race sleep until he couldn’t take it anymore, waking him up with kisses and cuddles. Easy, but wrong.

Instead, he went to Jojo’s room. The door was open and he could see the guy was still sleeping. The floor creaked as he turned to walk away, and he heard the movement of sheets. “Spot?”

Spot turned back around and smiled at his friend. “Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine. I was already awake. Just being lazy. Come in.” Jojo sat up as Spot went to sit down next to him. “I assume the ghost of Racetrack present paid you a visit last night?” Spot smiled and nodded. Jojo sighed. “He told me he was going to break it off. Guess he can’t quit you.”

Spot got up and closed the door before heading back. “I guess I can’t quit him either. But...it sucks, Jo. Because...I can never be with him.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I’m not...out. I have a girlfriend. I’m captain of the wrestling team. The only pride my mom has is in having a hetero, masculine, little man who loves her. I...I can never be with Race.”

“Never is such a bullshit word. You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Never could turn into someday. And someday could turn into...now.”

Spot shook his head. “I can’t, Jojo. I’d lose everything. Everyone. Sarah, my team, my friends...my mom.”

“You wouldn’t lose me. Or rather, you haven’t lost me and you won’t. Do you know why I joined the wrestling team? Because I saw you and your leadership skills and I thought, I want to be that guy. He’s cool, and he’s fierce, and he makes it look so easy. Whether you’re with a girl or with a guy, you’re still you, Spot. And if people can’t see that, they will. You’ll show them.”

“Even so, it’s not like I could ask Race to deal with all my shit.”

“He likes you. He really likes you. He doesn’t want to admit it, but he does. The last guy that Race really liked...He’s still not over it. But I think you can help. I think you can make him happy. And he can make you happy. You just have to be brave. At your own pace. Remember, not never, but someday. Until it becomes now.”

Spot nodded, thinking about it. Thinking of all the hurt he would have to cause in order to make himself happy. Thinking of how much happier he would be once he was able to kiss Race just as publicly as Jack kissed David, without feeling all the guilt and shame that he felt now. He wished he could just skip to the end.

* * *

Sarah was sure the writing on the door wasn’t directed at her. It was a blanket term for the community. But she didn’t know how to not take it personally. She’d been called that before by people she’d grown up with. She’d been called that by strangers who felt they thought they knew who she was. She hated the word.

But while a lot of her fellow club members were angry, she retreated into sadness. If this was the kind of treatment they got with her not even being out to anyone, what would it be like when she did? Even if what Jack had said was true, that the club was a safe space, once she told everyone in there, the rest of the school would probably find out. And once she left that safe space, she wouldn’t feel safe anymore.

Sarah had managed to convince Tommy Boy and Hot Shot to attend a club meeting, though she thought they were just being nice. Her own boyfriend wouldn’t attend, saying Jack Kelly would probably have him kicked out. She’d tried to tell him he wouldn’t, but Spot had made up his mind. She understood, though it didn’t put her at ease.

The week after the rally, Sarah was sitting on a bench outside the gym waiting for Spot to get out of practice. She had finished her homework and had started reading a new sci fi romance novel, her favorite genre. She’d even enjoyed the Twilight series at its peak, though she’d moved on to better written books.

The gym doors opened and she looked up, hoping to see Spot, but instead was met with the Delancey brothers. They hadn’t bothered her or Katherine since the award ceremony, but now they were headed straight to her. Without putting her book down, she stared them down. “Oscar, Morris, come for another beating?”

The brothers looked at each other and smiled before looking back at her. She didn’t like that. “Actually, we came with a proposition,” said Oscar.

“Sorry boys, even if you could afford me, it’d still be a no.”

“You haven’t heard us out,” Morris whined.

Sarah closed her book.

“You know, at the beginning of the year,” Oscar spoke, “we had a free period so we both chose to use it to be aides in the main office. It was something to do at the time.”

“Our dad said it would give us valuable experience.”

“We just thought it’d be boring office stuff. Putting staples in the staplers, sending memos to teachers, making copies on the copy machine.”

“They don’t even let us use the copy machine.”

“Is there a point to this?” Sarah asked impatiently.

“We didn’t think of the possibilities,” Oscar continued, a mischievous smile forming on his face. “We didn’t think that we’d be able to go through files without anyone finding out. Student files. With personal information.”

Sarah went pale. She remained silent as she waited for the ball to drop.

“We know you’re a dude,” Morris confirmed.

It was a terrible feeling to be called that to her face. The graffitied word would have been more welcome. She wanted to kick their asses again, but she waited, because she suspected there was more.

“You probably want to bust our skulls in, don’t you?” Oscar asked, rhetorically. “Thing is, you could do that. But then you’d force us to tell the whole school that we didn’t get our asses handed to us by a girl. Because she’s actually not a girl. She...is a he.” The brothers laughed as Sarah clenched her fist tighter and tighter.

“We own you,” came out of Morris’ smug lips. “You have to do whatever we want, whenever we want. Or else we tell everyone we can that you’re...whatever you are.”

“And the first thing we want you to do…” The two brothers smiled at each other again. “We want you to go into the principal’s office and tell him that you spray painted the graffiti on the little theatre.”

“It was you,” Sarah finally said. The Delanceys smiled at each other once more and shrugged. There it was. She was sure there wasn’t anything possibly worse than that. She should’ve known they were behind the tagging. The fact that they had access to student files meant they had access to student lockers. “You tried framing Jack.”

“My idea,” Morris said proudly.

“Even if that had worked,” Oscar suggested, rolling his eyes, “this is a much better plan. It’s win-win. We don’t get in trouble for the graffiti, and your secret doesn’t come out. We’ll uh...give you ‘til Friday, pal.”

With that, the Delancey brothers went back into the gym, leaving Sarah there with her thoughts. It may have been win-win for the Delanceys, but for her it was lose-lose. She could either take the blame for the graffiti, or she could risk the entire school finding out that she was trans. As much as she thought of it, she wasn’t ready to come out to anyone. She unclenched her fist, cursing herself as she saw the marks she’d left on her palm with her nails. She picked up her book, wishing she was a character in it. She couldn’t get it out of her mind that maybe the graffiti had been directed at her after all. Sarah only saw one solution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate hurting my babies like this, but I promise there is a happy ending to all this. Roughly 5 more chapters left.


	16. Doubtsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katherine and David have some doubts about Sarah. Crutchie decides he doesn't want to be alone, while Jojo has an epiphany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm a little late with this. Technically I'm still on schedule because I'm giving myself until August 15 to finish the rest of the chapters, but that means I have 3 weeks left. Eh, I can do it. Believe in me and I'll believe in myself haha.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Body Dysphoria

Katherine was still pissed off about the vandalism on the little theatre. Every issue of the school paper she made sure to mention that it was still remembered. She wasn’t as obsessed about it as Jack. She hadn’t tried to help him find out who had done it. She was of the belief that the culprit would eventually try something else and get caught, or if they didn’t, karma would get to them. Her mentions in the paper were meant to guilt trip them.

Besides that, she’d been pressuring her father to look more into it. She kept using his Principal of the Year award against him, telling him that a real principal of the year wouldn’t let this just happen and not do anything about it. He kept telling her he couldn’t do anything about it unless he put a security camera by the little theatre and that would be unfair because it would be showing favoritism for that specific classroom. She continued insisting.

A week after the rally, Katherine was in her father’s office showing him that week’s paper, reading to him the specific part that reminded everyone about the vandalism. He rolled his eyes at her but nonetheless told her he was proud of her like he did every Friday morning before class. She was displeased with his dismissal of the issue, and even more displeased with herself because she was used to it. She left the office defeated, but smiled when she looked up.

Sarah had walked into the main office and looked surprised to see Katherine. However, it wasn’t a happy surprise. Sarah looked defeated as well. Something in Katherine’s brain alerted her that something was wrong. She walked up to the girl and asked, “Are you okay?”

Sarah tried to feign a smile. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just have to talk to your dad about something.”

“What is it? I could help you out. As his daughter, I’ve got leverage,” Katherine tried to joke. Sarah didn’t seem like she was in the mood.

“No, I’d prefer to do it alone.”

“Alright, well, I’m here if you need help.” She gave Sarah a kind smile and a small pat on the arm. She felt like she owed a lot to Sarah, though not for anything specific that she did. Just for the fact that she was there when no one else was. She didn’t know why she’d let the girl in. Maybe because she was a girl. After Jack, she hadn’t been able to trust any guy. Except Crutchie but he’d always been Team Jack.

Now, she had a friend and she was able to at least trust the guys that were on the paper with her. Well, mostly David. And that was just because he was Sarah’s brother. She’d only ever thought of Sarah as her friend, but now she was starting to think that she might just be her best friend, something Katherine had never really had just because of her extremely competitive nature. Having a best friend made her feel normal and that was a nice thing to have.

“Kath,” Sarah said as Katherine walked toward the exit. Katherine turned back at her curiously. “Don’t hate me.” Katherine could tell by the way she was looking at her, that Sarah wasn’t joking. Katherine’s danger alarm went off again, but she wasn’t able to inquire further. Sarah went into her father’s office.

Katherine was tempted to stand at the door and eavesdrop, but at that moment, Miss Hannah walked in. As much as she had a rapport with the secretary, she didn’t think the woman would let her stay to listen in. Instead, she went to get ready for her first class.

She knew Specs had his first period working in the office so she texted him, asking to keep her updated if anything happened. During class, she got a few texts from him. He told her the cops were called, but a few minutes later, Sarah’s parents arrived, demanding to have a talk with the principal. By the end of the period, Katherine knew for sure what the issue was.

She couldn’t believe it. It didn’t make sense. Sarah would have been the last person she suspected. She was in the LGBTQ+ Club so why would she vandalize it? Her twin brother was in a relationship with a boy. It just didn’t make sense. There had to be some other explanation. She had to get to the bottom of it.

As she headed to her next class, she caught a glimpse of Sarah and her parents leaving campus. The cops weren’t escorting her out so she hoped this was all some kind of misunderstanding.

Unfortunately, by lunch, it seemed that everyone knew what had happened. Sarah Jacobs had been the one to tag the little theatre door. And by the end of the day, she wasn’t the only one who had shown up at the Jacobs’ house. Jack was there with his bike, and Spot Conlon got there a minute later. David came out to tell them that Sarah wasn’t seeing anyone at the moment, but he looked angry. Katherine still didn’t know what to believe.

She opted to text Sarah instead. “I don’t hate you. I just want an explanation.” She got in her car and waited for a response. Katherine was lost. She had never in a million years expected this. Even if Sarah had done it, what had driven her to confess? Had it been her constant reminders in the articles she’d written? Just that morning she’d thought of Sarah as her best friend, but maybe she’d jumped the gun. Maybe she didn’t know as much about Sarah as she thought she did. Maybe Sarah was disturbed and there was a side of her no one had seen. She needed to talk to her. Katherine wouldn’t be able to relax until she did.

A few minutes of waiting and she got a text back. It said, “Sorry Katherine, Sarah’s phone has been confiscated. You can talk with her in a couple of weeks when she goes back to school. Mrs. Jacobs.” Katherine cursed herself but she knew there was nothing she could do now except wait.

For the next few days at school, she heard many rumors about Sarah and why she’d tagged the door. But she couldn’t believe any of them. Katherine decided she was going to give Sarah the benefit of the doubt. She knew there was more to the story. And even if it took the rest of the year, she was going to get to the bottom of it and she was going to make sure she cleared Sarah’s name.

A thought went through her mind. Before meeting Sarah, she would have started the process of getting over her new best friend. But she had just gotten over a boy thanks to her. She wasn’t going to let herself get over Sarah. She was too important. It was what Sarah would do for her.

* * *

David kept telling himself he was happy. Other than the graffiti, everything was good. Jack was his boyfriend; Crutchie was still his friend; hell, he had friends and quite a few of them. When he’d started at the school, he never would have thought that any of it was possible. He still didn’t.

There was always something in the back of David’s head that told him something was waiting for him around the corner. That if he let his guard down even a little, he would regret it. Because every time something good happened, it meant something equally bad was about to occur.

He couldn’t let himself be happy, even though he tried to fake it as much as he could. Every time Jack came up behind him and hugged him or gave him a kiss, he put on a smile. It wasn’t necessarily fake. He liked Jack. He enjoyed his hugs and kisses. He just didn’t expect them to last long. He was stressing himself out until whatever bad thing was going to happen happened.

David replayed conversations he’d had with people over in his head. Especially the conversations he’d had with Crutchie and Katherine. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Crutchie said that Jack eventually ruins relationships. And then he had to think about how Katherine had told him that Jack moves on quickly. Would that happen to him? Would Jack ruin the relationship? Would he go running towards the next cute boy or girl that he met?

He didn’t want to think like that. He trusted Jack. He’d proven that with all the exercises he’d done with him for the club. Crutchie seemed to notice there was something off and he told him to relax, but how was David supposed to listen to his current words while trying to not think of his past words? He felt like a disaster.

He could feel himself trying to distance himself from people again. It was his best defensive move. But he knew he shouldn’t. He knew that the last time he’d done that, it was cowardly. He knew if he’d kept everyone at bay, he wouldn’t be where he was now.

He had only been Jack’s boyfriend for a week before the news broke. He’d been in class when he’d seen people whispering and staring at him, but quickly looking away. He didn’t know what was happening until lunchtime when he met up with Jack and Crutchie. They explained it to him and he couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t possible.

Sarah had always been his best friend. Despite being fraternal, they always liked to pretend they were identical, until it wasn’t fun for her anymore because she knew she was different. This only brought them closer together. They were each other’s confidants. He was the first one she told that she was a she. She was the first one he told that he liked a boy in their class.

He thought it would always be like that. But once their parents knew, some things changed. The first time David ever felt lonely was when Sarah went to her new school in the city. It was when he realized he had no friends of his own. Everyone they were friends with were actually Sarah’s friends. She was the brave one. She was the leader. He was just a follower.

When Sarah was back at his school, he was relieved. He could have some kind of social life again. Except, this time Sarah was a pariah. She made a few new friends but David could tell she wasn’t happy. And if she wasn’t happy, neither was he. He tried to make her as comfortable as possible but he didn’t know how.

Then they moved and she seemed excited. He was happy for her despite hating the situation. Because if they had to move, at least it would benefit her. At least someone would be happy. And now they were both happy. Or so he thought.

He couldn’t figure it out. Sarah was rebellious but she never acted out in a bad way. And he knew that she’d been called that F word before, so it didn’t make sense to him that it was Sarah that had done it. He called her on the phone but their mom picked up. “What’s going on?”

Mrs. Jacobs told him the basics of what had happened. Sarah had confessed to the vandalism and they had spoken to the principal and convinced him not to press charges and only suspend her for a couple of weeks. David asked his mom if she could take him out of school early for that day. He told her people were staring at him and talking. She sighed but agreed.

At home, his parents asked him to see if he could talk to Sarah. She was in her room and they had tried talking to her but she wasn’t cooperating. They looked angry, but more than that, they looked concerned for their daughter. David knew exactly how they felt because he felt it too.

“Sarah?” he asked, tapping lightly at her door. There was no answer. He tried again. “I just want to talk. I want to understand. We’re all worried. We still love you.”

At that, he heard some stirring inside and the door opened. He heard Sarah walking back to her bed and he took the opportunity to walk inside. He closed the door, knowing she probably wouldn’t want their parents to hear their conversation.

“Sarah?” he said, staring at her. She looked just as angry as everyone else, but there was a bit of sadness in her eyes. Like she wanted to scream or cry. She was keeping something in. “Did you hear what I said?”

“Of course you still love me,” she answered. “I didn’t think you’d stop loving me just because I did something stupid.”

David felt like she was brushing it off as if it were nothing. “Something stupid like confessing to something you didn’t do? You didn’t do it, right?”

“Why else would I confess, David?”

“I don’t know. You wanted the search to be over. Or someone put you up to it?”

“No one put me up to it. I confessed because I did it and I felt bad.”

She wasn’t looking him in the eye, which told him she was lying. As if she knew what he was thinking, she turned to him directly.

“I wrote the word. I went to school on the weekend and I spray painted it.”

But it didn’t make sense to David. If no one put her up to it, then she must have been taking the blame for someone else. Someone she had strong feelings for. “It was Spot Conlon, wasn’t it? He did it. And you’re taking the blame for him because...because you love him.”

She glared at him but then laughed at him as if he were stupid. “You’ve never liked Spot. Of course you’d suspect him. But you don’t even know him. He probably would have taken the blame for me if he’d known I’d done it. But it was all me, Dave. By myself with no help.”

He still didn’t believe her. “Why, then? Why’d you do it?”

She looked down, angry again. “You wouldn’t get it. You...Your life is perfect.”

“What? Since when? I’m far from perfect. I’m not even...normal.”

“Normal.” She laughed at that. “You think that just ‘cause you happen to like boys that you’re not normal? Try living in a body that you hate. Try living inside a mind that you hate. Try living the most perfect life you could think of while knowing that no matter how hard you try, you’ll never truly achieve perfection.”

“Sarah, nobody’s perfect.”

“And don’t I know it. My boyfriend is the captain of the school’s most popular sports team. Boys want to have me. Girls want to be me. But they don’t know. And if they knew…”

“If they knew, they’d accept it. Or if they didn’t, then to hell with them. We don’t need them. We just need each other. That’s all we needed when we were kids. That’s all I ever needed.”

Sarah shook her head. “You’ve just been too scared to try new things. Make new friends. But look at you now. Not just one best friend, but two. One of who is your boyfriend. You don’t need me. No one needs me.”

“Sarah, you’re scaring me.”

“Good.” She got up and went to her desk. She opened the middle drawer and took out a can of spray paint, bouncing it in her hand for a few seconds. “I felt like shit. I can’t be open like everyone else in that damn club. I just can’t, David. I felt like shit and I wanted everyone to feel that way too. I wanted them to feel what I felt. It was impulsive. It was stupid. And I regretted it as soon as Monday morning came along.”

She threw the can at David and he caught it. Was he holding evidence? He didn’t feel well. His stomach ached. He hadn’t believed she could have done it, but her words were convincing him.

“I knew I had to do something so that I didn’t get in trouble. I hid a couple of spray cans in the most obvious place.”

“Sarah, stop.” He didn’t want to hear it.

“The locker of an art student.”

“Stop it, I mean it.”

“I’d seen him open his locker a few times. I knew the combination.”

“Please…”

“I put the spray cans in Jack’s locker. I figured he’d get away with it because he was an art student. And I was right, wasn’t I?”

“Sarah, you’re...a bitch. You’re a fucking bitch.”

They both stared at each other for a few seconds. Both of them had watery eyes. And they both looked surprised at David’s words. He’d never called her that. At least not in the serious way he just had.

“You’re right,” she said.

“He could have been suspended.”

“I know.”

“He could have been expelled.”

She nodded, slow tears falling down her face.

“Katherine’s father is the principal. He could have been hard on Jack just because he’d broken Katherine’s heart. It could have been bad. Really bad. And all you have to say for yourself is that you were right? You...ugh!”

“I’m sorry…”

“I don’t care. I thought...I thought it was all a misunderstanding. I thought maybe you hadn’t graffitied the little theatre. Even hearing you admit why you did it, I thought that maybe I could forgive you. That getting suspended was punishment enough. I…”

Sarah looked at him like a sad little puppy. But David saw right through it. It was like all the stress he’d been putting on himself was now lifting off of him. Because now he had someone to take it out on. Now he had someone to blame. Now, he didn’t have to worry about anything bad happening, because the worst thing that could happen had happened.

“I still love you, Sarah. But I don’t like you. I really don’t like you. I don’t know you. I don’t know who you are or how you became like this. I can’t...I can’t be friends with you. I can’t be around you. I’m done.”

He dropped the spray can on the floor and marched out of the room without looking back, heading straight for his own room. He was pissed, but he was relieved. He felt the worst was over. But deep down, he knew that if he couldn’t trust Sarah, he didn’t know who he could trust.

David put his earphones in and listened to music, trying to drown out the sound of Sarah crying in her room. He couldn’t feel sorry for her. She made her bed.

* * *

The next club meeting was awkward to say the least. No one knew what to say. When Miss Medda tried to suggest a trust exercise, Jack told her it was probably best to just go into the meeting right away. At that, she asked to see him in the costume room and told the rest of the members to talk amongst themselves.

Crutchie was sitting next to David, though they were both silent. David looked angrier than he’d ever looked before and something told Crutchie it wouldn’t be wise to ask him what was wrong. He figured it had to do with his sister. It was funny, after finding out it was her, Crutchie wasn’t as upset. She’d confessed so he figured she at least felt bad. It was a shitty thing to do but it happened and now there was nothing left to do but move on.

Romeo apparently saw that he and David were in need of some company so he went over to them, sitting down directly on Crutchie’s desk.

“What’s up, Romeo?”

“Nothing. Just getting a good view.” He looked Crutchie up and down and winked at him.

Crutchie didn’t know what to think except that Romeo wanted something. “Don’t you and Specs have a thing going on?”

“Is he watching?” Crutchie looked behind Romeo and saw that Specs was watching them discreetly. He nodded. “Good. I hope he’s getting jealous.”

“What’s going on, Romeo?”

The younger boy sighed, but then ran his hand down Crutchie’s arm. “So, I really like Specs and I know he likes me. And I just want him to ask me to be his boyfriend. I mean, after Jack and Davey did it all romantically in public like that, I...I want that. I just want him to ask me. But he says it’s a bad idea.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m a freshman and he’s a junior. Like that’s stopped him from putting his tongue down my throat.” He giggled with slight exaggeration, though Crutchie knew that was for Specs’ benefit. “And also he says I flirt with everyone too much. But I can’t help that I’m just very charismatic. He’s told me I’m not the only one he’s seeing, but I don’t believe him. I think he’s just trying to make excuses. So now I’m flirting with you to make him jealous.”

“But you don’t want me.”

“Crutchie, you’re cute. And I would in a heartbeat. But...right now my heart belongs to Specs, whether he wants it or not. I just wish he would take it. Asshole.”

“Maybe he’s just scared that you’ll find someone better. Or that you’ll break up when he graduates.”

“Who cares? I want him right now and that’s all that should matter. I’m not asking for marriage. Just a boyfriend. Someone to be with for now.”

Just then, Medda and Jack returned. “I’m sure you’ll work it out, Romeo.”

“I’ll just tell him he can’t kiss me anymore until I get what I want,” Romeo said as he jumped off the desk. “Thanks, Crutchie.” He gave the boy a kiss on the cheek and then went back to his desk.

Miss Medda announced that for that day there would be no trust exercise since they had limited time, but they would keep doing them in future meetings.

Crutchie couldn’t pay attention to the meeting. He was too busy thinking about what Romeo had said. Crutchie loved Jack, but he knew it could never happen if he didn’t want to lose him. He’d been thinking about that a lot ever since Jack and David became an official couple. Whether the two lasted, Crutchie had to find a way to get over Jack. Even if it was only temporarily.

He looked over at Jojo, wondering what it would be like if he gave him a chance. He knew they’d make the cutest couple. At least everyone would think so. Would he be happy? Probably not. But he’d have someone and that was better than not having anyone. It was certainly better than being the third wheel. Jojo wasn’t ugly, and his parties were awesome which probably meant he was somewhat fun. And it wouldn’t have to be forever. They’d probably go their separate ways for college. Or maybe he’d end up falling for him, which would benefit both of them. Crutchie spent the rest of the meeting trying to justify what he would do next.

“Hey, Jojo.”

Jojo turned to see Crutchie hobbling behind him. “Oh, hey, what’s up?” He let Crutchie catch up and they continued walking.

“I was wondering if you’d like to...go out with me?”

Jojo’s eyebrow furrowed as he looked at Crutchie. “You mean, like as friends?”

“Or like...on a date.”

Jojo stopped, wondering if Crutchie had lost some kind of bet to Race. “I thought you didn’t like me.”

“I changed my mind.”

“Why?” It wasn’t like Jojo hadn’t daydreamed about it happening. It was just that he’d spent the last few months settling on the fact that it never would. He’d been drilling into his brain that Crutchie didn’t like him as more than a friend and that he would never even see him that way, so it was best to move on. But now Crutchie was proving that not to be the case.

Crutchie shrugged. “I just did. I like you, Jojo. So...date?”

Jojo was still suspicious, but he wanted to give the other boy the benefit of the doubt. It wouldn’t hurt to go on one date with him. Maybe he’d find that Crutchie really did like him and they’d get together. He knew they’d be a really cute couple. “How’s Friday night? At The Bowery?”

“Sounds great to me. I’ll meet you there.”

Friday night came and Jojo was nervous. He’d realized that this was actually happening. He had a date with Crutchie Morris, which is something he had hoped for practically since he’d met him. Well, since he’d learned that Crutchie and Jack weren’t a couple and Crutchie was single.

As he Ubered to the bar, Jojo thought back to when he’d first met Crutchie and Jack. Everyone had thought they were a couple until Race hooked up with Jack. Crutchie had showed slight interest in Jojo then, but backed off as soon as Jack and Race were over. Then, when Jack was with Katherine, Crutchie had been friendlier to him again, even going as far as to plan one of his house parties together. And now...Now, Jack was with David and things were starting to make sense to Jojo.

At the bar, Crutchie was already there, ready with a drink for himself and Jojo. “Hey there, handsome,” he said, giving Jojo a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey…” Jojo wanted to say something. To yell at him and make a scene in front of everyone. But he knew that wouldn’t solve anything and it would get him kicked out. He decided the best option would be to play Crutchie’s game. This was a date, so he might as well enjoy it.

They talked as they had their drinks. They tried to find if they had anything in common. Jojo was into Parks and Rec, while Crutchie was more of an Office man. Jojo had a passion for tabletop games, but Crutchie liked video games better. They both knew they needed to stop when Jojo admitted he liked Phantom Menace and Crutchie said his favorite Batman movie was Batman & Robin.

Jojo suggested some dancing, which they did. They had a bit of a laugh as they watched each other be dorks. Jojo had never really seen Crutchie dance, and despite the disability, he turned it out as best as he could and with great balance. They were starting to have some fun, or maybe it was the drinks talking. They proceeded to have a few more.

During one song, Crutchie started twerking on Jojo. It was funny to him at first, but after a while, Crutchie was committing to the bit and really pushing his ass against Jojo’s crotch. Jojo nervously laughed harder, knowing that if Crutchie didn’t stop, he would get hard. He wasn’t ready for that kind of humiliation, but he didn’t want to ruin the fun they were having.

Then something in the back of Jojo’s head asked him if they were really having fun. He’d almost forgotten about his epiphany. He’d almost forgotten that this wasn’t real. That Crutchie was just playing with him because Jack was involved with someone else. He’d almost forgotten he was supposed to be playing along.

“Hey, Crutchie! Do you uh...wanna take this back to my place?”

Crutchie turned around, using his crutch for balance and smiled. He took Jojo’s hand and led him outside. They waited for an Uber and as soon as they were in the back of the car, Crutchie kissed him. It was a bit sloppy, but he was eager. Jojo didn’t have time to react, but he just went with it, even pulling Crutchie closer to him.

They got to Jojo’s house and immediately Crutchie began pulling Jojo’s shirt off. “Bedroom, now,” he commanded.

“Bedroom’s upstairs,” Jojo replied and he could see Crutchie mentally debating whether he needed to be climbing stairs. “How about the living room? I can get us a blanket.”

Crutchie nodded. “Bring a condom too. A few of them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the whole thing where Crutchie was twerking on Jojo and he was starting to get hard actually happened to me. But that's as far as it went haha. Idk why I'm letting you all know this, but there it is.
> 
> Also, I was originally going to have Katherine be pissed off at Sarah and basically tell her what David did, but while I wrote it, it seemed natural that Katherine would be the one person who would believe in Sarah's innocence. Or maybe I just like the idea of people acting out of character because they realize they feel a certain way about someone. David is supposed to be the one person always in Sarah's corner, but because of his development, he's not. And Katherine is supposed to be the person who easily drops friends, but because of her development, she's not. And then there's Spot...Next chapter we'll learn about his thoughts. He might even make a confession of his own...


	17. Confessies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah makes a confession. Crutchie makes a confession. Spot makes a confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I write the last 3 chapters in the next 2 weeks? I sure as hell am gonna try!
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Body Dysmorphia, Homophobia/Transphobia

The first week was the worst. Sarah didn’t feel like talking to anyone. Without her phone or laptop, she couldn’t anyway. She didn’t even feel like talking to anyone in her family. Les didn’t know as much as everyone else did, of if he did, he wasn’t letting on. He was acting like everything was normal, but Sarah couldn’t just act back. So she spent most of the time in her room away from everyone.

She’d come out for food or when her parents called for her, but other than that, she’d be on her bed, thinking the worst possible thoughts about herself. She didn’t have a lock on her door, so her parents would come in every once in a while to talk to her. To see if they could get her to explain herself or just to talk, but she never said much. After her talk with David, she didn’t feel like going through any of that pain again even if she could tell her parents really wanted to help. She knew they couldn’t.

After that first week, she was surprised when her parents entered her room and returned her phone and laptop. They told her they felt she’d been isolated enough and that if she wanted, she could go out or have a friend over. She was surprised, but then they told her the catch. They had set up an appointment with a therapist and she had to talk to them or the deal was off. She agreed only because she was curious about the text messages she figured she’d received.

She wasn’t wrong. She’d gotten several, including some really nasty ones from people in the LGBTQ+ club. But from the people she cared about, they just wanted an explanation. She stared at Katherine’s text for a few minutes, thinking about how that conversation would play out. David’s anger with her was bad enough, but she felt that letting Katherine down was worse. At least David was her brother and he was stuck with her. If Katherine wanted to, she could completely stop acknowledging her. No, Sarah didn’t want to have that conversation.

Jack had texted a few times. She couldn’t see him forgiving her either. The club was practically his child. And according to what she’d told David, she had tried to frame him. There was no way to forgive that.

The one who had texted the most was Spot. He texted that he was worried. He texted asking if it was true. He texted asking her to meet with him. If anyone could forgive her, Spot had to be the one. He was the only one who wasn’t directly involved. If anyone would be on her side, it had to be him. And she desperately needed someone on her side.

She texted Spot and he responded quickly. They made plans to meet at her place the next day. As soon as everyone had left the house, she texted him and he headed over. She worried about him skipping class but he told her seeing her was more important. She was glad to call him her boyfriend.

When he got there, she let him in and he hugged her as if he hadn’t seen her in years. It was the first time she’d smiled in a week. “How are you?” Spot asked genuinely.

“I’m fine.” She wasn’t fine. “Could be worse. I could be in juvie.” She tried to play it off as a joke, but Spot wasn’t laughing.

“So it’s true? You...put up the graffiti?”

With that, Sarah frowned again. “Yeah. That was me.”

“Why?”

“Insecurity,” she answered vaguely. She couldn’t give him the same reasons she’d given David. Not without telling him her secret.

“Insecurity about what?” She opened her mouth to try to come up with something but nothing came. “What do you have to be insecure about?” The question sounded more hostile the second time. “You’re perfect.”

“I’m not perfect.” Saying that made her feel like her whole life was a lie. She tried to put on this image of being perfect and apparently she had fooled everyone into thinking it was true. “I’m...wrong.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means, I put the graffiti up and then I felt bad so I confessed. That’s all that should matter. I regretted it and I’m making up for it.”

“You think two weeks suspended is going to make up for that word that you wrote on that door? People don’t just get over that word in two weeks.”

“I know…”

“Do you know? Do you know how traumatizing that word is?”

“Yes, Spot I do!” She didn’t understand why he was getting so worked up about it, but it was getting her upset. “I know first hand how it feels to be called that. To my face.” Spot looked confused, but she still didn’t feel like explaining. “Why do you care, anyway? It’s not like it affects you.”

“It does affect me! I…” Sarah waited. Spot looked ashamed somehow. She wondered if this was about what he’d done to Jack. “I have friends who it affects. They don’t need that in their lives. They don’t need that extra guilt.”

“Extra guilt? As in, your friends should feel a starter amount of guilt for being who they are?”

“No, Sarah, that’s not what I meant…”

It both hurt her and saddened her to think about that. She felt guilty all the time. For something she couldn’t help. For keeping it a secret. And now for lying in order to keep that secret. She was tired of guilt. She was tired of keeping herself hidden. She was tired of assholes that made her feel guilty in the first place for something that wasn’t her choice. It would have been one thing if she had done something bad in the first place, but she hadn’t done anything bad at all. It was exhausting carrying all that guilt.

“I know about guilt,” she said. “You know nothing about it. You can think you do because you beat up a guy for kissing you and then felt bad about it. But that was your choice. That was something you didn’t have to do, but you chose to do. I don’t have a choice. I...I was born the way I was.”

“Sarah, what are you talking about?”

“I know what it feels like to be looked at one way and be made to feel like I was wrong. Guilty for just being myself. And it’s unfair. It shouldn’t be that way. I should feel guilty for all the bad stuff I’ve done. I should feel guilty for the choices I’ve made. Instead, I feel guilty for being born in this body. This world should feel guilty for making me feel that way.”

“What are you saying?”

Perhaps it was that all the pressure had become too much. Perhaps it was because she felt like she was going to lose Spot anyway. Perhaps it was because she felt like she had nothing left to lose. 

“I’m trans.”

“What?” He looked confused, like he didn’t believe her but was trying to make sense of gibberish.

“I’m trans. I’m a trans girl. I…” She didn’t know how else to say it. She didn’t know how to make it any more clear. He looked like he didn’t want to believe what she was saying. So she did the only thing she could think of that would make him understand. Sarah took Spot’s hand and placed it against her genitals. For some strange reason, it made her feel powerful for that moment, but only for that moment. The next, she felt ashamed.

The look of comprehension in Spot’s eyes made her realize what she’d just done. The way he yanked his hand away made her turn red in embarrassment. The confusion in his face as he struggled to say something made her frown. The sight of him running out of the house blurred her eyes with tears.

She thought he would be the one person she could have on her side. And now she’d gone and ruined that. She was burning bridges left and right. But now she felt like it didn’t matter anymore. The worst thing to happen had happened. Her thoughts were filled with images of what it would be like once she returned to school. What it would be like if Spot told anyone. The whole graffiti confession would have been for nothing. Everyone would still hate her. There was no point in returning. There was no point in anything.

* * *

“Where’d you go the other night?”

“Which night?”

“Friday night.”

“Oh, that night. Out.”

“Crutchie…”

“Jack…”

Jack felt like Crutchie was trying to hide something from him. He didn’t like it. Crutchie never kept secrets from him. And he never kept secrets from Crutchie. Except the ones he couldn’t tell him.

“Out where?”

“Just out,” Crutchie answered nonchalantly. “The Bowery.”

“Oh. Then why didn’t you just say so?” Crutchie shrugged. Yeah, there was something he wasn’t telling him. “Did you meet anyone?”

“Mmm nope.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

They were at their penthouse. Crutchie was trying to read a book and Jack was just keeping him company while texting Davey. He’d noticed that Crutchie wasn’t being his normal self. Maybe someone else wouldn’t have thought it out of the normal, but Jack did. It was those little things about Crutchie that he noticed. Like when he’d painted his toenails in secret and was walking weird until Jack asked him about it. No one else noticed because of the crutch. Jack always noticed.

“What are you hiding?”

“I’m not hiding anything, Jack.”

“Who’d you meet at the bar?”

“I told you, I didn’t meet anyone.”

“Are you being literal? I hate when you get literal. Who did you see at the bar that you already knew?”

Crutchie scoffed and then put his book down. “Just Jojo.”

“Jojo.”

“It wasn’t the first time. I’d seen him at the bar before. No big deal.”

“Then why are you making it like it’s a big deal?” Crutchie looked directly at him and opened his mouth but then closed it, picking his book back up. Jack gently took the book with one hand and held Crutchie’s with the other. “Please, will you tell me?”

Crutchie looked at Jack with such a nervous glance, as if he feared he was going to get scolded. He shivered a little and Jack put his arm around him. That didn’t seem to calm Crutchie down. “I...did something stupid.”

“What’d you do, Crutch? Did you lead him on? Did you kiss him?” Jack knew about Jojo’s crush on Crutchie and that it was one-sided. He even knew that Crutchie used dating apps but not for sex. He knew that Crutchie was a virgin.

“I lost my virginity to him.” Jack took his arm from around Crutchie so he could get a better look at him. He could tell if Crutchie was lying or joking around, but when he looked him in the eyes, he saw that wasn’t the case. “I just...I was a little tipsy and I felt lonely and...I thought, why not? I’ve been wanting to for a while now. So I did it.”

“Are...are you okay? He didn’t hurt you?” It was the only thing he could ask him at that moment. Inside, Jack was upset. But he didn’t know why. Or maybe he didn’t want to admit why. Was it some kind of big brother protectiveness that he felt? Or was it jealousy? Like he’d had some stupid notion that he’d be the one to take Crutchie’s virginity someday. Like he’d never thought Crutchie would ever find someone that he’d fall in love with because he didn’t need to because all he needed was Jack. And that thought upset Jack even more, because how could he think that? How could he think that when he had Davey?

“I mean, I’m not gonna lie, it hurt. But he didn’t like...hurt me.” That wasn’t what Jack wanted to hear. It wasn’t what he wanted to know. It wasn’t the image he wanted in his head. “Actually I think I might have hurt him. Or rather, I made him not like it.” Jack didn’t say anything and Crutchie continued. “He practically told me I was too bossy for him. I mean, he was trying to make it all romantic and...Jack, I just wanted him to go for it, you know? Just go harder and faster and...I guess it was too much for him.”

It was too much for Jack too. He was having the worst thoughts. Besides imagining Jojo and Crutchie together, he was imagining himself with Crutchie. Imagining Crutchie telling him to go harder and faster and being able to do so. He needed that imagery in his mind even less than Crutchie with someone else.

“I don’t think he’ll have a problem getting over me now, at least. Jack?”

“Yeah?” He was trying not to overreact to what Crutchie was telling him. Well, trying not to react.

“I’m not saying too much, am I?”

“No. I’m just surprised that’s all. I mean...as long as you’re okay, it’s all good.”

“Yeah, I’m okay. I just hope the next time’s better.”

Jack tried not to think about there being a next time, but he knew there would be inevitably. He knew he had to be in control of himself and stop thinking the things he was thinking. He didn’t control Crutchie. And Crutchie wasn’t his to be jealous for. He needed to focus on the guy who was his.

“This is...cozy.” Later that night, Jack had invited Davey over while his parents were out and had brought him into his room. They were lying on the bed and Jack was staring at him, practically undressing him with his eyes. “Are we going to Netflix and chill, or what?”

“Right,” Jack responded. He brought over his laptop and scrolled through the selections on Netflix. “Do you like musicals? There’s this one that was filmed live on a stage.”

“Ooh, that sounds good. Play it.” They sat together with the laptop between them as Jack pushed play. Minutes into the movie, he did the yawn-and-stretch move and put his arm around Davey. Davey took the opportunity to get more comfortable. Jack smiled as he thought of how more and more comfortable Davey was getting with him. Holding hands at school was like child’s play, and the occasional peck on the lips was becoming more common.

He stroked Davey’s arm to the rhythm of the movie’s music and then began playing footsie with him. Davey played along but still seemed interested in the movie. Clearly, Davey didn’t know what the actual meaning of Netflix and chill was, but Jack intended to teach him. He began to nuzzle Davey’s neck and then pressed soft kisses to it.

“Jack...you’re distracting me…”

“Good,” he whispered, sticking his tongue out and giving Davey’s neck a quick lick.

“Jack,” Davey said a little more sternly, turning his head toward his boyfriend. Jack took the chance to kiss him and Davey reciprocated, the two fighting for dominance. Jack’s hand slid down Davey’s body, to his inner thigh, where Davey’s hand stopped him. The kiss broke and Davey spoke, his face red. “Jack, what are you…”

“What do you think I’m…” He licked his lips, wishing they could go back to kissing. Wishing Davey would let him explore his body.

“I don’t think we should...What if your parents come home? What if Crutchie comes over?”

“I have a lock for a reason. And Crutchie knows that you’re over for a date. We have a system. I text him if it’s okay to come over.”

“Okay, but…”

“But what?” He tried moving his hand further down his boyfriend’s leg but Davey grabbed it and slammed it down hard on the bed. Jack was taken aback and Davey looked further embarrassed.

They remained silent for a few seconds, the only sound coming from the movie that was still playing on the laptop. “I’m just not ready for that, okay?” Davey finally said.

“Shit,” Jack replied, realizing what he was doing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...I wasn’t thinking.” Except he was thinking. Just not of Davey. He was thinking of Crutchie again. He didn’t want those thoughts in his head, and he thought maybe Davey could help him with that, but it wasn’t working.

“Can we just keep watching the movie?”

“Of course.” They cuddled again, but Jack couldn’t help feeling that something was off. He knew it was with himself. He felt sick in the head, but he knew there was nothing he could do at the moment that wouldn’t end with someone getting hurt.

* * *

Spot couldn’t get the feeling of Sarah’s junk out of his head. It wasn’t that he was disgusted by her. It wasn’t that he was more attracted to her. It was just...different. And unexpected. And probably unnecessary. He replayed their whole relationship in his head. Everything she’d ever told him. Everything they’d ever talked about. When she asked him if he’d ever kiss a trans girl.

He’d told her it would have to happen to him to know for sure and now...It had happened to him. And he realized that he didn’t want to date her. Not because she was trans. But because...she was a girl. She was  _ the _ girl. If things didn’t work out with her, they wouldn’t work out with any girl.

He was so distracted with his own thoughts that he couldn’t concentrate during practice. Coach Wiesel ended the practice early because of this and he walked off alone. Except he wasn’t alone. He was being followed. By a couple of life-ruining brothers.

It took him a few blocks to realize it, but it wasn’t like they were trying to hide from him. He wasn’t in the mood to deal with them, but he knew the faster he got rid of them, the faster he could get back to his own thoughts. He walked to them.

“What? You got a wrestling related question?” he asked them. They were both smiling and one of them had an envelope behind his back. He’d never bothered to learn their names, but he liked to think of Oscar as Tweedle-Dipshit and Morris as Tweedle-Dumbass.

“No, no, we’re good on the wrestling,” Tweedle-Dipshit answered. Spot snorted at that, knowing that the brothers were only on the team because they were friendly with Wiesel. Tweedle-Dipshit ignored the snort, instead continuing. “We actually have a proposition for you.”

“Sorry, I’m not into guys.” It was such an easy insult, and saying it felt wrong to Spot. Like he was betraying a part of himself. It wasn’t only that it was a lie, but it was the way in which he said it. As if the insult wasn’t directed at the Delanceys. As if it was directed at the act of being into guys. As if being gay was a bad thing.

The brothers looked at each other and laughed. “We beg to differ,” Tweedle-Dumbass said, revealing that what he’d been hiding behind his back was an envelope. “These pictures tell a different story.”

Spot was filled with dread. He already knew what was in the envelope, but he had to see nonetheless. He took it and opened it a little too quickly, confirming that he was scared. Even if the Delanceys were bluffing, he’d let his hand show. Unfortunately, there  _ were  _ pictures in there.

They were taken the night he’d met with Race at the school track. Pictures of them kissing. Pictures of them touching each other. Pictures of Spot’s mouth moving lower and lower down Race’s body. “What do you want?”

“We just want you to be at our beck and call,” Tweedle-Dipshit replied.

“And we want you to let us be part of your gang. To let us sit with you at lunch. Let everyone see we hang out with the mighty Spot Conlon.”

Spot felt his eyes water. On the one hand, they weren’t asking for much. On the other hand, they were bound to ask for more and more until he wouldn’t be able to take it. So why go through all that when he could just get it over with. He was tired of hiding. He was tired of not being himself. So he thought, fuck it. He wasn’t going to let a couple of dipshit dumbasses control his life. Besides, it was their word against his. And if they decided to show they pictures around, they’d be the ones in trouble for distributing kiddie porn. “No deal. How about instead, I just kick both your asses instead?”

Tweedle-Dumbass looked terrified, as if he’d just lost. Tweedle-Dipshit, however, looked like he had another trick up his sleeve. “You know, it’s funny,” he said. “You and your...girlfriend are kind of perfect for each other. You can both kick ass. You’re both popular. You both have dicks…”

Now it was Spot who looked terrified. How did they know about Sarah?

“I never understood why she went for you,” Tweedle-Dipshit continued. “But after taking a peek at her school file, it made sense. You’re the only one who would suck her off.”

Spot’s fear turned to anger. But he couldn’t do anything except clench his fists. He wanted to hear what else they had to say.

“We’re just saying, if you don’t want us to reveal your little secret and...her little secret...You’ll help us out.” Tweedle-Dumbass agreed with a shit-eating grin and a nod. “She helped us out. Be a good boyfriend and do the same.”

And just like that he understood. She helped them out. Everything made sense. The graffiti, the confession, the second confession. He knew why she’d done it and he knew what he had to do.

“Fine,” he said. “You can sit with us at lunch. You can join the gang. You can ask whatever you want. Just don’t...Don’t tell anyone about Sarah.”

The Delanceys looked at each other with a smile as if they accomplished their mission. “See you tomorrow,” one of them said as they walked away. Spot was too distracted with what he was going to do next to pay attention to them anymore.

Sarah was already waiting outside awkwardly when he got to her house. She looked nervous. All he’d texted her is if they could talk and once she said yes, he said he was coming over. She was sitting on the porch and stood up as soon as she saw him. He looked at her, really looked at her, and cursed himself for running away like he had. He approached slowly and they looked at each other for a few seconds before he smiled and hugged her. She was stiff, clearly not having expected that, but then she relaxed and hugged him back.

“I’m sorry,” they said in unison.

After a brief laugh, Spot shook his head. “No, you have nothing to be sorry about. I...I have everything to be sorry for.” He sat on the porch and she followed suit. He was nervous, not about telling her the truth, but about how she would react to it. He wouldn’t blame her if she ran away like he had. “I shouldn’t have run from you. I was just...confused.”

“Understandable.”

“I mean, I don’t know how that must have made you feel. You’re you every day and...my reaction probably made things worse…”

“I forgive you, Spot. You’re here now.”

“You’re beautiful, Sarah. You’re beautiful. Inside and out. And even though you don’t agree, I think you’re perfect.”

“Does that mean...Are we still a couple?”

Spot frowned and Sarah frowned back at him, but with a nod of acceptance.

“I have a confession to make,” Spot said nervously. “You’re not the only one who’s been hiding a secret. Except...mine is bad. Really bad.” Sarah waited for him to continue and he took his time.

“I know about what the Delanceys did to you,” he said, temporarily changing the subject. He knew he had to come back around to it, but she needed to know everything first. “I know they looked at your school file and know about you.” Sarah’s eyebrows went up in wonder. “I know that they made you take the blame for the vandalism.”

“How?”

“Because they tried to blackmail me as well.”

“With what?”

“I…” This was it. The reason he’d come. Confession time. Except he couldn’t do it. He feared Sarah would hate him more than anything else. He could have everyone at school hate him for it, but not Sarah. She was the light in his life. Even more than Race was. “I’ve been cheating on you.”

Sarah was shocked and she looked hurt. Spot knew that was the worst part, but it was also the easiest part. He wasn’t done. He had to say it out loud. He had to say the words.

“With a guy.”

And then she looked confused, but still hurt. Maybe even more hurt. But the whole time she didn’t say anything. Spot wished there was more of a reaction. But he still wasn’t done. He hadn’t said the words.

“I…” She watched him intently, her face fearing that there was more. “I’m…” He needed to be brave. He thought back to her confession to him. It couldn’t have been easy. She didn’t have to tell him. But he had to tell her. It was different, yet...it was the same. “I’m gay.”

He watched Sarah’s eyes. She looked as skeptical as he probably had. She still said nothing but her eyes roamed around, not looking at anything specific. She was probably trying to process the information, or looking back on every conversation they’d had, trying to pick out all the clues he could have given her.

“I’m sorry,” he said. They sat there for a minute and Spot’s eyes filled with tears. He knew he didn’t have the right to cry, despite it being the first time he’d ever told anyone. She was the one who was wronged. He was the one who’d made mistakes. He needed to leave her. He got up, intending to get in his car and go home, but Sarah’s hand stopped him.

“Don’t go.”

He turned to look at her and while she still looked sad, he could tell that she wanted him to stay. Within seconds they were embracing each other again, Spot letting his tears fall.

“I don’t want to be alone anymore, Spot. And having you as a friend is better than not having you at all. We need each other. Especially with the Delanceys running around blackmailing people.”

Spot wiped his tears and pulled away, looking her in the eyes. “We can’t let those assholes get away with this.”

“I don’t think there’s anything we can do without them telling everyone our secrets…”

“I don’t care about mine Sarah. They can tell the whole world. It’s you I’m worried about. You...You don’t have anyone who knows the whole truth except me.” Then he had a realization. “And the rest of your family. You’ve told them about the blackmail, right?”

Sarah shook her head in shame. “I can’t tell them. They’d only make it worse. If I told them, they’d want to do something and...then the Delanceys would tell everyone.”

“You need people to know that you didn’t vandalize the school, Sarah. You need people on your side. You know you have me, but...I can’t be the only one you rely on. I’m unreliable.”

“I guess...If I told David...He wouldn’t do anything stupid like try to confront the Delanceys. Or maybe he would. I don’t really know him at the moment. He’s pissed because he thinks I tried framing Jack.”

“Talk to him. Tell him the truth. He’s your brother. He’ll understand.”

“Will you...Will you help me tell him?”

Spot thought about it, but then nodded. It was the least he could do for her.

And so they waited until David got home. He didn’t want to talk to either of them, but they both pleaded until he agreed. David listened and his emotions ranged from anger to shock to sadness to anger again. By the end, the twins were hugging and crying while Spot stood awkwardly in the back. When he knew everything was okay between them, he said goodbye to Sarah and went to leave. David stopped him, offering his hand to shake.

“Thank you,” he said.

Spot shook the guy’s hand and nodded in return. At least one good thing came out of all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way Sarah revealed herself to Spot might have been a bit extra, but I wanted it to be a bit extra. Originally I was gonna have Spot confess to her that he was gay first and then have Sarah somehow try to stop him from breaking up with her by revealing herself in both a metaphorical and literal way, but it felt out of character. This way still feels odd but I did want to give Sarah a sense of empowerment. I wanted her to own who she was and own her body. Not sure if that was the end result, but it is what it is. I'm not a perfect writer.
> 
> As for Javey, this was meant to be their first fight, though it wasn't as explosive as I'd thought it would be. Sometimes you plan these big scenes and then when you actually write it down, the characters take over and you realize that maybe it wasn't meant to be as big. It's still impactful and made the point I intended, so at least there's that. Also, it didn't really fit the scene and I might put it in a later chapter, but in case you're wondering, David did tell Jack that Sarah was to blame for the graffiti and the framing. He was sad and is set on ignoring her once she gets back to school.
> 
> I can't wait for the final chapters!


	18. Outsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot decides to come out to his posse and teammates. Sarah returns to school. Katherine suspects the Delanceys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I missed my own deadline. I did have a busy couple of weeks though. I was hosting a birthday party last Friday. I drank too much too soon so I blacked out and spent the next two days recuperating. I've spent the last few days writing this chapter, though I took a break yesterday because it was my actual birthday. I had hoped to finish the last 3 chapters by the 15th, but maybe now that I've missed that deadline, the pressure I put on myself won't be so high.

One day during lunch, Spot was feeling particularly antsy. He knew he had to do it. Well, he knew he didn’t have to, but he wanted to. He was curious to see what would happen. He was sitting at his usual table with his usual posse. Sarah was returning to school the next week so now was the opportune time to do it if he was going to do it.

He cleared his throat and everyone at the table stopped talking to look at him. He felt himself go red. It wasn’t too late to change his mind. He could always give an empowering speech or tell someone to pass him their fries. But that was the coward’s way out.

“I uh...broke up with Sarah.” He had to start easy. A few people nodded. He noticed Hot Shot and Tommy Boy look at each other sadly. “But we’re still cool. We’re just friends, that’s all.” Everyone nodded again. That could have been the end of it. He could have continued with his life just as it was.

Except he didn’t want it to remain the same. He wanted some change. He thought Sarah being his girlfriend would do that. And it was fun playing pretend, until it wasn’t. He didn’t want to pretend anymore. He didn’t want to suppress his feelings anymore. He didn’t want to come off as this angry guy that could beat anyone up if you so much as looked at him. He wanted people to think he was approachable. He wanted everyone at that table to know him and be his friend because they actually liked him and not just because he was scary. “And just so everyone knows...I’m gay.”

He’d said it so casually that he even surprised himself. If only all confessions were that easy. He was met with more stares but no nods. Just stares. Only stares. As if they were waiting for the punchline of some joke. But they didn’t look disgusted. They didn’t look angry. Spot didn’t know if he had been hoping for any other kind of reaction. He’d been expecting something, but was getting nothing.

So he gave nothing back and continued to eat his food. After a few seconds, the nods were back. Some people smiled and some told him, “Cool,” and, “Awesome,” and, “Condragulations.” He didn’t understand that last one. He played it cool, but on the inside he was ecstatic. It was the perfect reaction. They may not all have been his real close friends, but it was a step in the right direction. He felt more confident than ever. No one could hurt him now.

After school, Spot headed to wrestling practice in the gym. Hot Shot and Tommy Boy caught up to him on his way there and asked him questions like how he knew he was gay, and if Sarah was looking for a new boyfriend, and if they could set him up with a guy they knew. He chuckled at how cool they were being and replied that he was seeing a guy already and that they should talk to Sarah about what she wanted.

At practice, he gave his usual pre-warm-up speech before they got to doing their exercises. However, this time, he felt extra brave and decided to intimidate the Delancey brothers by adding something near the end.

“You know, I haven’t said anything, but I feel like I have to. You remember the graffiti that was left on the door of the little theatre? The single word that some really ugly people put up to make others feel ashamed, less than, different. Well, it worked. Mission accomplished.” Some of the team members were looking around at each other, clearly confused.

“Wasn’t your girlfriend the one who did it?” Spot recognized the voice of Tweedle-Dumbass.

He walked toward the Delanceys, who were standing together. “But we won’t be intimidated anymore. Yeah, you heard right. We. I am one of those so called, ‘faggots.’” Even Coach Wiesel was now attentive to what was happening.

“It may have been painted over, but we all know it’s still there. It will always be there. Just like me being gay will always be there. Except I’m not gonna keep hiding it anymore. I’m laying it out in the open for everyone to know. For everyone to understand that as long as I am captain of this team, that I’m not going to deal with any hateful language or hateful comments or generally any hate directed towards me or people like me. So I’m gonna put it to a vote.”

He walked back to the front of the group so he could see everyone. “Those who wish me to step down from being captain, raise your hands.” He smiled. The only two with their hands up were the Delanceys. They had a smile on their face too, until they realized they were the only ones with their hands up.

“Good, now that we’ve settled that,” Spot finished, “let’s get to practice.” Everyone started on their warm ups except the Delanceys. “Hey, if you two would rather leave the team, be my guest.”

“Yeah, don’t forget we still got dirt on your little boy-girl-friend,” Tweedle-Dipshit whispered to him.

Jojo came up from behind the Delanceys and put his arm around both of them, saying, “I hope you guys don’t mind that I’m gay too.” The brothers looked at each other and threw Jojo’s arms off before walking away with disgust. Jojo and Spot were left alone. “Wanna stretch together?” Spot nodded and they got to it.

“What’d you think? Of my speech.”

“Brilliant,” Jojo replied. They remained quiet as they stretched and breathed. “So you’re gay, huh?” Spot shrugged with a small smile. “Does that mean Sarah’s out of the picture? Because of what she did?”

Spot sighed. “Look, don’t say anything, but Sarah didn’t do that. It was the Delanceys. They just...blackmailed Sarah into taking the blame.”

“Spot, what? Blackmailed? How? What’d she do?”

“Doesn’t matter, Jo. Just know that Sarah’s innocent but we can’t do anything about it. She just wants to get back to school and let everything get back to normal.”

Jojo looked concerned but nodded. “So, how’d you settle on gay?”

“I’ve always known. I just...Sarah confessed to me so...I confessed to her.”

“How’d she take it?”

“Better than I thought. She was shocked but...I think she was willing to forgive me because I was her only ally. So really...I don’t know how she took it. All I know is that we’re still friends. And I’m gay. Gay and out.”

“Gay and proud.”

“Well, we’ll get there.”

When Spot got home later that night, his mom was waiting for him with his favorite dinner. He gave her a bittersweet smile. When she asked him what was wrong, he shook his head. “Nothing.” Except it wasn’t nothing. He may have been out at school, but he wasn’t out to the most important person in his life. All the bravery he’d felt that day just poured out of him as he ate his favorite meal. She could never find out.

* * *

Sarah got ready like she had for every day of school. Except she knew it wasn’t going to be the same as every other day. She knew that everyone knew what she’d done. Or rather, what they thought she’d done. She knew that she was already out of the LGBTQ+ club. She knew she was already off the school paper. David had already told her that he had confirmed to Jack and Katherine that she’d done the things she said she’d done. The graffiti...and the evidence planting.

She had refused to talk to anyone after she confessed the truth to David. And she told him not to tell anyone about what they discussed. She made Spot swear too. It was bad enough that people thought she was a homophobe. And the Delanceys still knew her secret. She just hoped they didn’t ask for anything else. She didn’t know what she’d do.

David walked with her to school. She didn’t have to tell him that she didn’t want to go alone. Sometimes it was as if he could read her mind. She could also tell he felt bad. He had apologized so much for calling her a bitch. By now, she thought it was funny that he’d called her that. It was such a different side to David than she was used to. She forgave him but told him that she liked this new side of him. A more assertive David.

When they got to school, some of the students stared at them. She could feel herself being watched and being talked about, even if she didn’t hear it. She had flashbacks to when she’d come out at her old town. It was ironic really. She didn’t want to come out at this school because she feared about what people thought of her. And now, the only thing they thought of her was that she was a vandal and a homophobe. Which was worse? Sarah felt ridiculous all of a sudden. She wished she could take it all back.

They walked to her locker, but as they got there, Sarah froze. Jack was standing there, waiting for her. She turned to David and he looked apologetic. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I had to tell him you were innocent. I didn’t give him any details but he’d like an explanation.” Sarah glared at him but she knew he was only trying to help. And after everything that had happened, maybe it was best to be honest.

She walked to her locker, eyeing Jack. Neither said anything, and she felt awkward, so she turned the combination on her locker and opened it. She slammed the locker closed almost immediately. Inside, there had been a singular can of spray paint. “I know your locker combination too, Jacobs.”

“I didn’t do it!” she blurted out. She saw Jack smiling and proceeded to punch him in the arm. “Ass.”

“Hey! You’re the one who’s been lying!” He sounded angry but he didn’t look it. And yet the punch was another thing she wanted to take back.

“I’m sorry.”

“David couldn’t tell me why,” Jack said, waving at his boyfriend. David nodded and then walked off leaving the two to talk. “So will you?”

“Not here. Too public.”

“I know a place.” Before she realized it, they were at the little theatre.

“Jack…”

“It’s okay. You’re with me.” She followed him in, noticing that he was looking around to see if anyone was there. Miss Medda seemed to be out. He then beckoned her to follow again and they went into the costume room. “Alright, so what’s the truth?”

She didn’t know where to start. She just knew she wanted to put it all off. Even if she knew she could trust Jack, she didn’t want to say anything. But she owed him the truth. Or at least part of it. “The Delancey brothers blackmailed me. They did it all. The tagging. The locker break-in. They made me take the blame.”

“Those assholes.” It was such a Jack reaction. He immediately began telling her that he was going to kick their asses and that they would wish they would never have been born. Sarah had to admire him. He didn’t even seem to care about what the Delanceys were blackmailing her with. He was just acting like the protective older brother he’d always acted like. “You know, I’ve been wanting to bash their faces in for a while now, but I haven’t had a reason and now I do. We’re gonna get them, Sarah. I promise you that.”

“There’s something else.” Jack paused, waiting for her to continue. “I...I’m...trans.” This evidently caught him by surprise. He looked lost for words. “That’s what they have on me. That’s why I stupidly confessed to their crime.”

Jack remained silent, but his face said everything. He was furious. Apparently the costume room doubled as a prop room, because Jack disappeared behind a rack and came back with a baseball bat, stomping past Sarah into the classroom. She had to run in front of him to stop him, yelling, “I don’t want anyone to know!”

“You don’t want anyone to know what?” Jack and Sarah turned toward the door and saw Miss Medda with a box of bagels, staring at them suspiciously.

Jack and Sarah stared at each other and she pleaded with her eyes. He had no choice but to lie. “That she was in here,” he said. “I caught her trying to leave an apology note.”

“So you were going to do what with the bat, Jack?” Miss Medda asked, furrowing her brow.

“I was just scaring her. I didn’t know if she was gonna try to vandalize again or what.” He put the bat down and then began pushing Sarah towards the door. “I’m showing her out now.” Sarah looked down the whole time, not wanting to see the disappointment in Miss Medda’s eyes.

Once outside, she sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry. Miss Medda’s cool. She won’t say anything. All we need to worry about now is what we’re gonna do to those Delancey douchewads.”

“Nothing! Jack, you have to promise me you won’t do anything to them! I can’t risk them revealing that I’m…you know.”

“Sarah, it’s not a bad word. Trans.”

“Shhh!” She shoved her hand in his face, which she immediately regretted and took back. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Sarah. You haven’t done anything wrong.” She looked at him sadly and he returned the same look. “I wish you would realize that. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

They stared at each other for a few seconds before they were interrupted. “What is she doing at the scene of the crime?” It was Romeo. Specs was standing next to him. Sarah stared at them, not knowing what to say. Romeo apparently felt threatened so he took Specs’ hand. “If you’re gonna use the F word, you might as well say it to our faces.”

Sarah opened her mouth but before she could say anything, Specs moved toward Romeo and kissed him quickly on the lips. “Yeah we’re boyfriends now so if you have anything to say...don’t.”

Sarah and Jack weren’t the only ones surprised. “We are?” Romeo squeaked. Specs nodded. Romeo smiled and then turned back to Sarah. “We are. So go spread your hate somewhere else.”

Sarah gave Jack a quick look before walking away. “And to think I was gonna ask you for makeup tips!” she heard from Romeo before she was out of earshot.

Everywhere she went, she made sure to look. She wanted to avoid anymore confrontations, especially with Katherine. She tried not to walk by the computer lab all day just in case. There were whispers, but no one tried to talk to her. Was this better than being out?

* * *

The two weeks that Sarah was out of school, Katherine was on investigation mode. She knew that someone had to have put Sarah up to confessing. She tried to be sneaky about it, trying to find out who in the school had A) a grudge against Sarah, and B) homophobic tendencies. She asked Bill and Darcy to help, but to keep it hush. They were the only ones that knew what she was doing. David had told her that Sarah’s confession was true, so Katherine knew she couldn’t tell him about her suspicions.

They came up with a list of people who were straight up homophobic due to religion or how they were raised, as well as people who weren’t homophobic but did say some questionable words when they were around their friends. Anyone who had ever said, “No homo,” was automatically put on the list.

However, when it came to people who didn’t like Sarah, the list became smaller. And it was harder to pinpoint people who didn’t like her before she confessed. Romeo especially had a vendetta against Sarah, but Katherine knew he had pretty much loved her before. As did several people who knew her. A lot of people still loved her despite her confession.

It seemed like Katherine was getting nowhere until she was looking through her lists to see if any names were on both. She hadn’t been there, but Darcy had put the Delancey brothers on both lists automatically when he’d talked to them about Sarah. They had told him that she was a bitch and probably a lesbian. When Darcy had asked them why she would vandalize the LGBTQ+ club if she was a lesbian, they shrugged their shoulders. When asked what they thought about the vandalism, they told him they wished someone had done it sooner.

Katherine recalled when Sarah had kicked both the Delanceys’ asses. She smiled at the thought, but it disappeared as she realized, they probably had something to do with all this. She checked her phone on the off chance that Sarah might have texted her, but found nothing. It was disheartening. Maybe if Sarah had texted her back, she wouldn’t have gotten so obsessed with finding out the truth.

She started practically stalking the Delancey brothers whenever she had the free time. She tried to get Darcy and Bill to help, but that’s where Darcy drew the line. Bill apologized and said he was too busy. She wondered if David had gotten to them. That didn’t deter her. Following the Delanceys became her priority. Even the school paper came second. If Bill and Darcy hadn’t been given double the articles to write, they might have tried to talk sense into her.

While following the brothers around discreetly, she saw them head into an alleyway behind Jacobi’s. She didn’t know what would happen if she followed them in. She didn’t know what would happen if they caught her. Still, she continued. She felt she owed it to her friend to find out the truth.

She hid behind a dumpster and saw the brothers meeting up with a short, somewhat built girl whose name she didn’t know, but had seen at school. She handed them a to-go bag and they opened it. The Delanceys smiled at each other and then walked away. The girl didn’t look too happy. In fact, she seemed pissed, to the point where she looked like she was about to cry.

Katherine slipped and let her arm slam against the dumpster so she could catch herself. The sound that she made alerted the girl that she was there. Katherine hoped the girl would run off, but she didn’t.

“Who’s there?” the girl yelled, walking in her direction.

Katherine knew she wouldn’t be able to hide once the girl got close, so she left her hiding spot, raising her arms as if to reveal she was unarmed. “Sorry! It’s just me...I uh...sorry.”

The girl kept walking toward her with a look as if she was going to beat her down. She raised a fist and all Katherine could do was lean up against the dumpster and wait for the punch. She closed her eyes, but it never came. “Who are you?”

Katherine opened her eyes and saw that the girl still had her fist up. “Katherine Plumber. I go to your school. Please don’t hit me.”

The girl kept her fist up and continued glaring at her. “What are you doing here?”

Katherine considered lying and telling her that she was just looking for Jacobi’s. That she just took a wrong turn and ended up behind it. But she thought about Sarah and why she’d gone into the alley in the first place. She needed to know the truth. “I was following the Delancey brothers.”

No change in stance, just a tighter glare. “Why?”

“Because...I think they’re responsible for my friend’s suspension.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, she confessed to vandalizing the school, but I don’t think she did it. I think the Delanceys have something to do with it.”

The girl relaxed and put her arm down, sighing. “So I’m not the only one they’ve been blackmailing.”

“They’ve been blackmailing you?”

“Yeah, they took some pictures of me...and now I have to buy them food from Jacobi’s because they’ve been banned.”

“Who gets banned from Jacobi’s?”

“Apparently they do. Whatever. They don’t know that I spit in their food.”

“Good for you. Take all the power that you can. They’re such awful people.”

“They are.” The girls stared at each other awkwardly for a few seconds. “I should go. Nice to meet you, Katherine. I hope you can help your friend out.”

“Thanks. Hey, what’s your name?”

“People call me Smalls.”

“Nice to meet you, Smalls. I’ll see you around school.”

The day Sarah returned to school, Katherine knew she had to talk to her. Except, wherever she looked, she couldn’t find her. She went to the computer lab during lunch just in case she showed up there. When after-school came, she was crushed. Did Sarah want anything to do with her anymore? For the first time in the two weeks that she hadn’t seen her best friend, she felt that maybe she’d lost her and her investigation wasn’t worth it.

Then, as if the universe was speaking, there Sarah was. Their eyes locked across a hallway. Neither girl moved. Katherine didn’t want to in case it was just a mirage. But once Sarah smiled, she had to go to her. “Can we talk?” Katherine asked as she reached her best friend. Sarah nodded sadly.

“I know it’s the Delancey brothers,” she said once they were seated in her car. “I know they’re blackmailing you. I mean, I don’t have proof, but there’s no other explanation. And listen, I don’t care what they have on you, but I know that we need to do something about them. You’re not the only one they’re--”

“I’m trans.” Silence filled the car. Katherine was confused, but Sarah looked happy. She was smiling as she repeated the words. “I’m trans.”

“Trans?”

“Assigned male at birth. Trans female. Trans, trans, trans.”

“Is that…? That’s what they have on you?”

Sarah nodded. “Jack was right. It’s not a bad word.”

“It’s a great word.” They smiled at each other.

“Katherine...Did you say...I’m not the only one?” Her happiness turned to concern.

“Unfortunately.”

“Then we have to do something.”

“Yes. We should tell an adult. My dad. He’ll be able to help.”

“No, no adults yet. No one who works for the school. The Delanceys hold too much power. They’d get a slap on the wrist if we left it up to them.”

“But...I have no idea what then. I have no idea how to...”

“The best way you know how to. By writing an article. And distributing it not just throughout the school, but making sure parents read it too. Parents who will do something. Parents like mine.”

“Oh. I mean, okay. Sure. An article. Yeah. Of course. We can do that. But...how do we expose the Delanceys without risking them exposing all the secrets they know?”

“We only need one person,” Sarah said. “And I know one person who the Delanceys have already tried to blackmail. Someone who will say yes if I ask.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so adding Smalls to the story was a last minute decision, but I felt adding in some random original character was a waste haha. Girl Smalls because there's already too many male characters in this fic. I probably won't be putting her in the final 2 chapters so in case, I'll just reveal that her secret is exactly the same as Spot's, but the girl version haha. In other words, Smalls was making out with a girl, the Delanceys took some pictures, and now they're blackmailing her. I won't say who Smalls was making out with because I don't know. You can headcanon that haha.


	19. Can'tsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sarah asks Spot to be in the Delancey exposé. Spot has an important question for Race. Jack tells Crutchie about his feelings.

“No. I can’t.”

Sarah frowned, having expected a different answer. “Why not?”

“Because I can’t. That’s too much. That’s...My mom reads the paper.”

“Well yeah, that’s the point. We want all the parents to read it. We want them all to take action. We need the Delanceys to be stopped.”

“And that’s a great idea,” Spot said. “It just can’t be me. I can’t...I can’t come out to my mom. I don’t...I don’t know what would happen.”

Sarah sighed. “Spot please. For me.”

Spot just shook his head.

“Spot you owe me.”

His eyes looked into hers sadly and she knew that she didn’t have to say it. She didn’t have to remind him that he’d cheated on her. It was a low tactic, but she needed him to do it. He was already out to his teammates. It wouldn’t be long before the whole school knew and then the parents. It was bound to happen. It had to be him.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

Sarah smiled and hugged him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. I promise everything will be fine. Trust me.”

They talked a little about how it was going to work. Katherine was going to interview him since she would be writing the article. She told him to be as honest as he could and to give Katherine every little detail. Sarah told him they could do it the next day so that Katherine could have it ready for the upcoming paper. He nodded and then he left her house. The way they each felt was in contrast to the other.

The next day, during lunch, she took Spot to the computer lab and he sat down with Katherine. She decided to give the two some privacy, although part of her wanted to stay, just to see if she could add some detail towards the character of the Delanceys. Even if she wasn’t going to be the one to expose them, she wanted to be part of it. Even the smallest contribution, she knew would help her feel better.

A few minutes later and Spot exited the computer lab and gave Sarah a small smile. “Done. I hope it works.” He still looked sad as he walked away. This gave Sarah concern.

She went back into the computer lab and saw that Katherine didn’t look too enthused either as she read her notes. “What happened?”

“I got what I needed, don’t worry. It just...nevermind.”

“No, Katherine, tell me. I need this to be a good article. A great article.  _ The  _ article.”

Katherine sighed and bobbed her head a little. “Spot just...didn’t seem so into it. He was very direct with his answers. He didn’t elaborate and I didn’t want to push him. But maybe it’s just because I was interviewing him. He’s not very open with me. Never has been. Maybe if you had been the one to do it…”

“No, I told you, I can’t. It had to be him.”

“I meant, if you had been the one to interview him. Maybe he would’ve been more comfortable.”

Sarah bit the inside of her cheek and shook her head. “No, I don’t think so. He didn’t want to do it. I...kind of made him.”

“Why didn’t he want to do it? He’s out, right?” They both remained silent for a second. “Who would’ve thought Spot Conlon was gay…” Katherine said, mostly to herself.

“He’s not out to his mom. He’s scared that something will happen if he comes out to her. But I mean, he’s out to the wrestling team and nothing’s happened so...how bad can things get? If it were me, on the other hand…”

“If it were you...Your parents would support you. Your brothers would support you. Your friends would support you. We’d all be there for you. Sarah...you already have that.” Sarah nodded, realizing what she’d done was wrong. “You don’t know what Spot’s home life is like. His mom could kick him out or send him to a conversion camp, or something worse. I don’t feel comfortable using any of this.” She dropped her notes on a desk. “It’s back to square one.”

It was true. Sarah could have had it worse. She thought about how lucky she was to have a family that loved her and accepted her for who she was. She thought about how lucky she was that she had friends that did the same. She thought about how this whole mess could have been avoided if she wasn’t ashamed of who she was. She thought about how sad it was that everyone she cared about.accepted and loved her more than she did herself. Why did she care about what everyone else thought?

The truth was that it wasn’t anyone’s business what was between her legs. Really all that mattered was what was in her mind. And at that moment, her mind felt shame. Not for being herself, but for not loving herself enough to be open. And for wanting Spot to be open despite her refusing to do the same. The only thing to do was to be brave. But that’s what she had been doing her whole life. It wasn’t anything new.

“I’ll do it. I should do it.”

“Sarah, you don’t have to. We can find someone else.”

“No, it has to be me. It’s time. Everyone I care about knows. And it’s not something I should be ashamed of, is it?”

“No, it isn’t.”

“Alright then, interview me.”

She went through with it and for once was completely honest about everything. It felt so liberating to not keep things hidden. She even was honest to Katherine that there was no one else she felt comfortable with writing an article about her.

She’d already gone through being out back in her hometown so she knew what she was getting into. But at least this time she knew she had people on her side. She knew they were all that mattered. Now, all she cared about was putting two rude little boys in their place.

“Hey, Plumber…” Sarah said with a worried look on her face. “Write it good.”

* * *

It was only a matter of time, wasn’t it? Spot had never even tried bringing up the subject of having a gay son to her. He didn’t have to. He’d been there when she’d had conversations with friends. He’d heard her explicitly say that if she had a gay son, she’d kick him out of the house. And now it was time to see if that was true. Except, when he got home, his mother was asleep. Bottles of beer lay all around her on the couch. He didn’t want to wake her. He was relieved to put it off for another time. He wondered if telling her himself would be better than her finding out from the school newspaper. Was one option more cowardly than the other? They’d both lead ultimately to the same thing. Either way, she’d find out.

He kept thinking about it the next day at school. After telling his teammates that he was gay, everything just went back to normal. He was a bit more friendly with Hot Shot and Tommy Boy, so at least that was something. But it wasn’t enough to Spot. If he was going to come out to his mother, if he was going to come out to the entire school, it seemed only fair to him that he make friends with people that were like him. People that could help him out if he did end up getting kicked out of his home.

Luckily, it was a Wednesday. He was nervous because although he’d never been known to do anything homophobic, he knew what he’d done to Jack. And Jack knew what he’d done. And even though it was a long time ago and he was more comfortable with himself, it didn’t mean that Jack or anyone in the LGBTQ+ club would be comfortable around him. But he had to try.

He walked into the little theatre and everyone seemed to be staring at him. “Hey, Spot!” said a friendly voice. He saw Jojo waving at him. Sitting next to him was Race, who looked surprised to see him. Almost as if he was invading his turf. Spot, however, immediately relaxed at seeing him, despite his heart beating faster. He was smitten. He knew what he had to do.

Spot went to sit with Jojo and Race, trying not to pay attention to the stares from the other students. Especially Jack’s. Although, Jack’s was more of a glare.

“Alright, let’s get this meeting started,” spoke a woman who was large and in charge as she entered the room with several boxes of pizza. He knew her as the theater teacher, but he’d never had a class with her. She walked from the doorway to her desk and placed the boxes down. The teacher looked around the room and immediately focused in on him. “Hey, looks like we have someone new! Why don’t you introduce yourself to us, honey? Don’t worry, we’re all friendly here. I’m MIss Medda.”

Spot could see Jack’s lips tighten. He thought that maybe it was a mistake coming. It wasn’t too late to leave, even if he’d already been singled out. But then Jojo gave him a pat in the back, and Race raised an eyebrow as if challenging him to stick around. Spot stood up and cleared his throat. “I’m uh...Spot Conlon. And I’m gay.”

Some students giggled and others looked shocked. Jack twitched in the slightest. Miss Medda shushed some of the students. “That’s nice, dear. We’re not AA, so you didn’t have to tell us in that way, but it’s great that you’re open about yourself. Thank you for sharing and welcome to our safe space.”

They started a trust exercise, before Miss Medda handed out plates for the pizza and the meeting officially began. Spot liked it, though he didn’t say anything the entire time. He knew he had to continue coming to the meetings to get more comfortable with them. But it felt nice to be out. Maybe things did get better.

“Hey, can I talk to you?” he asked Race when they were in their math class. Race hadn’t really said anything to him during the club meeting so he was wondering if something was wrong. “I’ll meet you in the bathroom.” He asked the teacher for the hall pass and waited once he was in the bathroom, hoping no one else would walk in.

After a couple of minutes, Race showed up. “What’s up?”

“I uh…” He didn’t know how to say it. “I’m out. I’m finally out, Race.”

“I know. That’s great.” He gave Spot the tiniest smile.

“You don’t seem too thrilled about it.”

“No, I am, Spot. I’m really happy for you. You deserve this. You deserve to be happy.”

“We’re both out.”

“That’s true…”

“I want to ask you something.”

“I can’t stop you.”

This was it. This was the moment he’d been gearing himself up for since he’d seen Race’s face at the club meeting. It was a scary question to ask, but there was no doubt in his mind that Race would say yes. He just had to ask it. “Will you...Will you be my boyfriend?”

Race closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. It was as if he’d been expecting it. His eyes looked sad, but determined. “No. I can’t.”

“What?” He had to be fucking with him, right?

“No, Spot. I can’t be your boyfriend.”

Maybe he wasn’t joking. “Why not?”

“Because…” That wasn’t an answer, so he waited for Race to continue. “I’m not looking for a boyfriend, Spot. Look, I like you. I really like you...Just not in a boyfriend kind of way. I mean, we have fun, right? We make out, we fool around…”

“We had sex.”

“Exactly. It’s just fun. Nothing serious.”

Spot’s head jerked back, flabbergasted. “It was serious to me, Race.”

“Spot...I can’t. I’m sorry.”

He hadn’t been expecting that. He had expected Race to be beyond happy. He was finally out, which meant that they could be together in public. They didn’t have to hide They didn’t have to lie. They could hold hands and kiss and go on dates and...To find out that Race didn’t want that...Spot was heartbroken.

“But we can still be friends…”

“Friends?” As if that was a consolation prize. “Like with benefits?”

“Yes! Exactly! It’s more fun that way, don’t you think? That way it’s not serious, but it’s still fun.”

“I can’t do that Race.” They stared at each other for a few seconds, wondering if it was over. “I have feelings for you. I like you. I...I can’t just be friends with benefits. I need more.”

“I can’t give you more.”

“Then I guess...we’re done here.”

“I guess so.”

Spot’s eyes watered, but he held the tears back. He wasn’t going to let Race see him cry. Maybe he’d fooled himself into thinking that they were more than they were. Maybe he’d created this whole narrative in his head where he and Race were together and happy, even if his mom did throw him out of the house. To find out that Race only liked him for his body...That was worse than anything else.

He went back to class and didn’t speak to Race for the rest of the period. He didn’t even dare look at him, in fear that he’d start crying. The feelings were still there. He felt he could have loved Racetrack Higgins, but now he hated him. He’d forced him out of the closet, taken his virginity, made him cheat on his girlfriend. He couldn’t help but think that Race was the worst type of person. It was over.

It didn’t help when Sarah texted him that she was going to be in the article instead of him. It solved the problem with his mother, although he knew it wasn’t permanent. He’d expected to lose his mother and gain a boyfriend, but instead it was the other way around. At least he still had his mom.

* * *

“Why are we doing this in the dark of night?” Jack asked.

“Because I didn’t exactly get approval from Mr. Denton to print the article,” Katherine answered. “I was told not to involve any adults yet.”

“I think this is great. I’ve always wanted to sneak into the school at night,” Crutchie stated. It was seven of them in total. Him, Jack, Katherine, Davey, Sarah, Spot, and Jojo. He was glad that Jojo had been pretty distant with him ever since they’d slept together. It made things less awkward.

He stared at Spot, still amazed that he turned out to be gay. Crutchie felt very lucky that he’d ended up playing for his team. Spot was a specimen. “Hey, thanks for not inviting Race,” Crutchie heard Spot mutter to Jojo. He wondered what was going on there.

He turned his attention back to Katherine who was unlocking one of the side doors of the school. She said she’d gotten the keys from her father once she made sure he was asleep. Crutchie believed her, but he also liked to imagine that she knocked her father out, either with sleeping pills or a good old-fashioned wallop to the head.

They were there so Katherine could print out several copies of the paper with the article she’d written about Sarah and the Delanceys. Once they were all printed out, they would split up and distribute the papers all around town and to as many student’s homes as they could. It was a sound plan and he was happy to be a part of it.

Katherine finally unlocked the door and let everyone in. She closed it behind them and they proceeded to the computer lab. “I want to thank all of you,” Sarah pronounced once they were all inside. “I want you to know how much it means to me that you’re helping. Without you guys, I don’t think I’d be brave enough to go through with it.”

She was met with a chorus of, “Of course! Anytime! We care about you!” and she smiled, going around to give each one of them a hug. Except Katherine, who was busy on one of the computers making sure everything in the paper was correct.

Luckily, she was quick, and soon the papers were printing. The group discussed who was going to go where. Jack said he’d take the first batch and take Crutchie with him since they’d be faster on his motorcycle than on foot. They would go to the areas that were farther from the school. Jojo and Spot would be next, traveling in Jojo’s car, spreading the newspaper near the downtown area where everyone could see.. And lastly would be Davey, Sarah, and Katherine, who would remain on foot to travel to the more local homes as well as distribute the papers throughout the school.

“ _ How To Not Get Away With Blackmail _ ,” Crutchie read as he picked up one of the newspapers. “I like it. It’s not subtle in the least.”

When he and Jack were in the outskirts of town, they went door to door, putting newspapers down neatly. Sometimes a security light would turn on and he’d get startled. Jack would laugh for a second and then give him a shoulder massage. Crutchie wondered if anyone from the high school even lived there, but he wasn’t going to say anything.

After a while, he felt tired and decided to take a rest while Jack continued. He watched his best friend and noticed he seemed a bit preoccupied with something. “Are you okay?” he asked. Jack nodded, but Crutchie could tell it was a lie. “Jack, what’s wrong?”

Jack left a paper on a porch and then slowly walked back to Crutchie. He looked him in the eyes for a moment. Crutchie thought he looked sad, maybe even a little guilty about something. “I’ve been having these feelings,” Jack finally said. “Feelings I don’t understand.”

“What about?”

“About...a guy.”

Crutchie didn’t like the sound of that. “What kind of feelings, Jack?”

“Feelings that...I want to get off my chest. Feelings that I might have been holding in for a while and...I don’t think I should hold onto anymore.”

It sounded like he wanted to make some kind of confession. Jack looked nervous and he was breathing a little heavier. “What feelings?” Crutchie was curious, although he had a wild guess at what he was getting at. His heart began beating a little faster.

“Feelings like...Like jealousy whenever this guy is around other guys. Feelings like...my heart races when I think of him. Feelings like...whenever I’m around him, I feel like everything’s going to be okay. Feelings like...if I ever lost him, I don’t think I would be able to get over it. I find myself spending hours daydreaming about our futures. About going to Santa Fe with him. About kissing him and...proposing to him...marrying him. I’ve even drawn us together. I always throw the drawings away but...it doesn’t matter because I know it’s only a matter of time before I draw it again. This feeling...I don’t know how to describe it.”

“It sounds like you’re in love.” Crutchie knew the feeling. He’d fantasized about being with Jack for so long that it felt like that’s all it would ever be. And now Jack was talking about having those same feelings, except he wasn’t opening up about who he was talking about. It felt odd to Crutchie because it should have been Davey that he felt that way for, but something told him that it was someone else. Davey was his boyfriend so if he was talking about him, there would be no need to be so vague. His heart beat faster as he wondered if the person he was talking about was...him.

“I think I might be, Crutchie. And I think I want to tell him. Should I tell him?”

Crutchie had to think quickly. If he was right...If Jack was talking about him, then he’d have a dilemma. Jack would break up with Davey to be with him. And then they’d both probably lose Davey as a friend. That is, if he ended up getting with Jack. And if that happened, there would always be that fear that they could break up badly. Was it worth it? “I think you should tell him.”

They looked into each other’s eyes and Jack took a step closer to him. “Crutchie...I…” He paused and Crutchie’s mind filled up with more thoughts and excuses. “I’m in love with--”

“Davey.” Crutchie couldn’t risk it. He couldn’t risk losing both Davey and Jack. He was convinced that’s what would happen if he let Jack finish that sentence on his own. Even if Jack was in love with him, there would be no way that it would end well. “You’re in love with Davey.” He put on the biggest smile he could and hugged Jack. “I’m so happy for you two,” he said.

“Right…” Jack agreed, sounding a little bit sad.

“You should tell him.” Crutchie pulled away from Jack but kept the smile on. If he could convince Jack that he was on Team Javid, maybe he could convince Jack to be on it as well.

“No,” Jack said immediately. “I can’t.” He sounded panicked, as if he was being told to do something he didn’t want to do. But in order for them to work out, Crutchie was certain it had to happen.

“Of course you can, Jack. You’re the bravest guy I know and...I’m sure he feels the same way. I see they way he looks at you. And I see the way you look at him. It’s love, Jack. You need to tell him. You need to…” As he finished his statement, Crutchie realized he had a purpose to fulfill. “Do it for me.” He knew his purpose was to keep Jack and David together. He knew that if he asked and Jack did it, it meant that Jack had feelings for him. And to know that felt like enough.

“Okay” Jack replied, sounding as if he had no other choice. “I’ll do it. I’ll tell Davey I’m in love with him.”

When they finished passing out all the papers, they went home to get some sleep before morning came. It would be a big day. The truth would come to light and justice would be served. Crutchie felt like a hero that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eek! Next chapter is the last! It's gonna be extra long since there's a lot of resolution I have to write, as well as setting up storylines for the next fic. That's right...This is only part 1 of a grander story I'm writing. I didn't want to say anything before because I didn't know if I would even finish this one, but now that I'm practically there, I feel like I should say something so that you're not left asking, "That's it?" (Although it might not come as a surprise if you've noticed I've labeled this fic as Part 1 of the Newsies High series.)
> 
> However, before I write the final chapter, I'd like some input. Would you be interested in a cliffhanger ending? Or would you prefer more of a traditional ending that hints at the next part? Because I can do either one but I can't decide which.


	20. Ellipsies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Delanceys get their comeuppance. Katherine realizes something about Sarah. Race and Jojo make some confessions to one another. David asks Crutchie what it feels like to be in love. Spot faces his second biggest fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, guys! The final chapter of this fic! I know a couple of you said traditional ending was better, so I hope this is satisfactory. Thank you to those of you who have stuck around while I wrote this. And thank you to those who have commented. I love you guys. This is for you.

Since the papers were already passed out, the gang went to class as if everything was normal. The only ones who were confused were Bill and Darcy who usually helped pass out the paper, but once they read a copy, they understood what had happened. Darcy was a bit irked that he wasn’t informed about the article, and Bill was sad about what had happened to Sarah.

Then class began and that’s when things really started happening. Pulitzer’s phone was ringing constantly and everyone calling was yelling about the same thing. Miss Hannah was told to stop answering after a while. It only took a few calls for Principal Pulitzer to pick up a copy of the school paper and read what had happened.

He called Sarah to his office and her parents as well. When they arrived, they read the paper and were both horrified and relieved. They now knew the truth and they were all willing to press charges against the Delanceys.

It wasn’t long after, that the Delancey brothers were called to the office. They immediately denied everything, saying that Sarah had made it all up because they wouldn’t let her touch them. Then the Delancey’s father arrived and backed up his boys.

Katherine showed up moments later, as Sarah had been updating her through text. She defended everything in the paper and everything that Sarah said, hoping her father would trust and believe her. Mr. Delancey called her out saying she was trying to influence Pulitzer with nepotism. Katherine remained calm but Sarah could tell she wanted to cuss him out.

Sarah was worried that her plan hadn’t worked. Sure, the school was being flooded with phone calls, but Pulitzer wasn’t taking them. She had finally told the truth, but Pulitzer didn’t seem to believe her over the Delanceys. Her parents and Katherine were on her side, but Pulitzer was ignoring them. Sarah felt doomed.

And then like a miracle, they got another visitor. “Smalls?” Katherine said, as a short girl entered the office, yelling about how she had something to say. Miss Hannah was trying to stop her, but she didn’t seem to care. Smalls stated that she didn’t know if the article was true, but that she had a similar story about the Delanceys. She admitted they had taken pictures of her kissing a girl and blackmailed her. She showed Pulitzer receipts from Jacobi’s that she’d kept as proof and then turned to the Delanceys to tell them. “I spit in all your food, so I hope you enjoyed it, assholes.” The Delancey brothers began to gag, which pretty much gave them away. It was at least proof enough for Pulitzer.

It was a long morning, but at last security was called to escort the Delanceys to get their belongings from their lockers and then get them off campus. The bell rang while they were being escorted so everyone coming out of a classroom could see them. By that time, mostly everyone in the school had read the paper. The usual readers spread the news to their friends and then they spread it to more people. The paper hadn’t been read by so many since the vandalism, and even then, it had only been a small peak.

Jack bumped into David and they watched the Delanceys with smiles on their faces. While grinning at each other, Jack said, “I love you,” but David didn’t say it back. He just gave Jack an awkward hug and told him he had to get to his next class.

Spot was also watching the Delanceys, but as he stared past them, he caught Race’s eyes. His expression went from happy to angry and he turned away, not wanting to see him anymore. Race frowned as well, but with sadness.

Jojo happened to look in Crutchie’s direction as he watched the Delanceys and they nodded at each other as if to acknowledge that everything was okay between them, despite everything that had happened. They weren’t exactly friends, but they weren’t on bad terms either.

Sarah and Katherine were all smiles, happy that Oscar and Morris Delancey were expelled and out of the school for good. Everything seemed to be going as it should. It was like a happy ending. Except, life doesn’t have endings. Only to-be-continueds; ellipses not periods.

* * *

After the Delanceys left campus, everyone went back to class. Katherine was glad it was a Friday, because it was a day to celebrate. She texted Sarah that they should go to Jacobi’s after school, but Sarah said she wanted to spend the day with her family. She was a little disappointed but still happy nonetheless.

After school, she headed to the computer lab to talk to Mr. Denton, hoping she wouldn’t be in too much trouble with him. She had never printed anything without letting him see it first, out of respect. Most of his notes for her had to do with her showing bias in her articles, which she knew was true for the latest one.

When she got there, she saw him, but jerked her head back in confusion. He had a box and was packing things up. “You going on a trip?” she asked, knowing that he liked to travel whenever there was a break from school. Except summer break didn’t start for another few weeks. She wondered if he was leaving early.

Denton looked up with sad eyes and sighed. “Actually, Katherine...I’ve been fired.”

She couldn’t believe it, though she immediately knew why and that it was her fault. Her face went white but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t know what she could say except, “I’m sorry.”

“No, please, don’t worry about it. You did the right thing. It was a great article. I really hope you continue writing. You’re a natural.”

“Mr. Denton...What are you going to do now?”

“Probably find another school to teach at. Or maybe I’ll see if I can find a job with a publication. The world’s my oyster, really.”

“Mr. Denton…”

“Katherine. You’ve been a pleasure to have as my editor in chief. I hope we cross paths again. But please, let me finish packing up. I don’t want to make too big a deal of it.”

Katherine nodded and walked to the door, her eyes starting to water. She was angry at herself and angry at the circumstances. He truly didn’t deserve what was happening. He’d been her mentor and while it made her upset that she was now going to have to find a new one, she was more upset by the fact that he was leaving. She never wanted to admit it, but she really cared for the man. He was almost like the father figure she never had. Pulitzer wasn’t the worst person, but he didn’t have the patience and constructive criticism that Bryan Denton did.

She ran back to him and gave him a hug. Then she let go, wiped the tears from her eyes, and left the room. She was really going to miss him. And then she thought that maybe it wasn’t too late to save him. That maybe she could have a talk with her father and convince him to let Mr. Denton stay. After all, the published paper wasn’t his fault.

She barged into her father’s office like she usually did and immediately demanded that he unfire Denton. “It’s not his fault, Dad! It was all me! I took your keys and snuck into the school at night to print all the papers and pass them out. Mr. Denton had nothing to do with it. I knew he wouldn’t have approved it so I knew if I wanted the article printed, that I would have to avoid showing him. I even had a fake article written for him to read. But anyway, not his fault. Please just tell him he’s hired again. I’ll accept whatever punishment you give me.”

She paused and stared at her father. He looked angry, but he took a deep breath before speaking. “This  _ is  _ your punishment, Kathy. Not only is Mr. Denton fired, but the entire school newspaper is finished.”

“What?” She was lost for words again.

“I got a lot of calls from parents today. A lot of them were complaining about how they didn’t want the newspaper to become some kind of gossip column. They were worried it would lead to bullying or worse. And I have to agree with them. Had the Delanceys not given themselves away, there was no proof that they’d done what you’d written about in the article. For all I knew, you and your friends could have been making it all up just to get people to talk bad about students you don’t like.”

“Dad, it was an exposé, not a gossip column.”

“Regardless,” he replied sternly. “It’s not something that belongs in a high school paper and I won’t have my daughter writing anything like that. No more school newspaper and no more Mr. Denton, whether he knew about the article or not, So forget about it. It’s time you focused on your SATs and your college applications. That is the bottom line.”

She knew there was nothing else she could do or say. When her father was set on something, she couldn’t change his mind anymore. She wanted to cry again. The school newspaper was the only thing that was all hers. It had been her sole safe space when Jack had broken up with her. And now it was gone, just like that. The more she thought about it, the more she realized what the school newspaper had given her. It had given her a mentor. It had given her an outlet. It had given her a new friend whose company she actually enjoyed. Even if the paper was over, she still had Sarah.

Katherine knocked on the Jacobs’ door and Les answered. “Sarah it’s for you!” he yelled, before looking back at Katherine. “Nice article.”

“Gotta save the best for last,” she replied, trying to hold back her emotions. Sarah showed up and shooed Les away, inviting Katherine in.

They went to Sarah’s room and she was offered a seat, but Katherine just couldn’t stand still. “What’s wrong?”

“Everything. It’s over. Everything’s over.” She was pacing back and forth in front of Sarah’s bed, while Sarah was trying to slow her down. She grabbed Katherine by the shoulders and looked her directly in the eyes. “The paper. My dad fired Mr. Denton and banned the school newspaper. There’s no more newspaper club, Sarah.”

“Don’t call it that. It sounds amateur.” They laughed at that, but then Katherine plopped herself down on the bed.

“It was going to go in my list of extracurriculars.”

“It still can.”

“Not for my senior year. I’m forever going to be known as the girl who got a teacher fired and ended the school paper all in one go.”

“Who says that’s nothing to be proud of? Not a lot of people can say they’ve done that and gotten away with it.”

“Sarah, Denton’s a good guy...He says he’ll be fine, but I don’t know that. What if he ends up homeless or...he’s forced to pick up a newspaper route? All because of me.”

“Denton’s a smart guy. He’ll figure it out. He’s a writer too, you know.”

“Still, he worries me. This all worries me. What am I going to do without the school paper? Join the Bible club? Start a...book club?” She shuddered.

“Katherine,” Sarah said as she sat down next to the girl. “Have you ever thought that maybe you were in the school paper because you like to write?”

“Well, yes. I love to write.”

“Who cares about extracurriculars? Who cares about clubs? You’re a writer at heart, Kath. So...write.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean...write. You don’t need a club to write. Do your own thing. Start a blog or something.”

Katherine’s face lit up at the suggestion. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? “Duh. I can still write. And I can reach a bigger audience.”

“And students are more likely to read something online anyway. Maybe not a lot, but maybe you’ll gain a new following. I know I’ll read it.”

“And my dad can’t stop me because it’s not being distributed in the school. Sarah...that’s perfect!”

Katherine reached out and hugged her best friend. The sense of loss she’d felt earlier was gone. Somehow she knew that Sarah would make everything better. Somehow she always did. She felt like Sarah was more than just her best friend. It was a feeling she’d only felt once before, though she didn’t realize it. The embrace ended and they looked each other directly in the eyes.

“You’re welcome,” Sarah said with a raised eyebrow and a mischievous smile.

Katherine then realized what that feeling was and who she’d had it for before. It was surprising but exciting. It was like it had come out of nowhere, but it had been there the whole time. Katherine kept staring and Sarah stared back, her composure faltering. Soon, they’d been staring at each other far too long. Sarah was blushing and she looked down.

Katherine lifted a finger to Sarah’s chin until they were looking at each other again. And then she leaned forward and kissed her. Sarah accepted it, kissing her back, but only until she seemed to realize what was happening. She pulled away, leaving Katherine feeling like she’d done something wrong.

“Let’s uh...get on my laptop and start setting up this blog, huh?” Sarah said, getting up and going to her desk.

Katherine didn’t know what to think about what just happened.

* * *

Weeks later, summer vacation was off to a great start for Race. If he didn’t think about Spot at least. He’d already met a few guys his age at the country club. He’d only gotten in as Jojo’s guest, but he was making the most of it. Jojo would mostly hang out at the pool, but Race would go around just talking to whoever he could, networking.

He’d gotten bored of a particularly talkative guy named Darcy that he’d seen at school before. He didn’t think he was going to get anywhere with him, so he excused himself to go to the bathroom and went to the pool area instead. He sat down on the pool chair next to the one Jojo was lying on and whacked him with an arm.

“Why are you so boring?” he asked.

“I’m not boring. This is fun for me. Summer is for relaxing and not overworking yourself like you do for the rest of the year.”

“You know I never overwork myself during the rest of the year. Summer is my work season.”

“Then maybe get a job.”

“Ouch.”

“You could, you know. I know the people who work here. I could get you in as like a lifeguard or something.”

“I know the people who work here too. And I don’t want them seeing me as a lifeguard. I want them to see me as one of them.”

“You’ll never be one of us.”

“Alright asshole, what’s up your bum?”

Jojo took off the sunglasses he was wearing and sat up. “Bum?”

“Butthole, whatever.”

“Nothing’s up my bum. I just want to relax today.”

“You know what you need? You need to get laid.”

“No thanks.”

“Aww c’mon. You’re not still hung up on Crutchie are you?”

Jojo rolled his eyes and put his sunglasses back on.

“What was that? Why’d you roll your eyes? Are you off the Crutch?”

“If you must know...I am.”

“Shiiiiit. How?”

Jojo took a deep breath and took the glass that was on the table next to him. He drank some water before putting the glass back and answering. “I’ve been keeping something from you.”

After a few seconds of waiting, Race replied, “Well? Are you going to tell me?”

“I slept with Crutchie.”

“Shut up. No, really, tell me what happened.”

“I just did.”

Race’s smile widened as he saw that Jojo wasn’t joking. “What? No way…You fucked Crutchie?”

Jojo nodded. “I... _ fucked _ Crutchie.”

“How was it?”

“Hated it.”

“Was it cause he just laid there?”

“No. I mean, I would’ve been okay with that. I just...I wanted it to be special. We were both a little drunk, but I wanted to show him that...I could be good for him. But he was just interested in getting straight to it and getting it over with. He kept telling me to fuck him harder and faster. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I wanted to give him what he wanted...In doing that, I couldn’t get what I wanted.”

“Shit, well did you finish at least?”

“Yeah, we both came. It just felt wrong. Like neither of us enjoyed it.”

“That’s fucked.”

Jojo laid back down. “Yep, so now I’m off him.”

They remained silent as Race imagined the whole scenario. His thoughts began to evolve into thoughts about Spot and when they’d had sex. Then he realized he had a confession of his own to make.

“There’s something I haven’t told you either.”

Jojo opened his mouth and breathed out as a sign to continue.

“You know how we haven’t really been hanging around Spot for a few weeks? It’s kind of my fault. Well, his fault because I’d be fine hanging out with him. He’s just the one that doesn’t want to hang out with us.”

“I already know that you two had sex. You weren’t very subtle when you snaked out of my room that night.”

“Sneaked.”

“Slithered, whatever.”

“Well, no, I know you knew about that. It’s kind of what happened after that fucked it all up.”

“What’d you do?”

“It’s not what I did. It’s what he did. He came out. Which is fine. It’s great. He’s out. But...I think he did it for me. Because he likes me.”

“But you like him too.”

“Well yeah, but he  _ really _ likes me. He asked me to be his boyfriend.”

Jojo sat up and took his sunglasses off again. “He what?”

“I know! Gross, right?”

“Gross? Race...you said no?”

“Of course I said no. I’m not a boyfriend type of guy. I play the field. I told him we could be fuck buddies, but that’s all we were gonna be. And he said no so...That’s why he’s not around anymore.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Say no.”

“Because I’m not a relationship type of guy. I just told you.”

“That’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told, Anthony Higgins.”

“What the fuck?”

“You and Spot...I can see it. I can see it when you look at him. I can see it when you’re around him. What you two have is not just physical. You can’t tell me that any of the other guys you’ve fucked have made you feel the way Spot has. I’ve seen it, Race. I’ve seen the way you look at him when he’s not looking at you. I’ve seen the way you almost reach out to hold his hand, but then change your mind at the last second. You want him to be your boyfriend.”

“That’s just you seeing things that  _ you  _ want, Jo. I don’t want those things.”

“God, you’re so hopeless. Yes, there are things that I want. I want a boyfriend. I want love. I want someone who’s into me just as much as I’m into him. But I don’t have that. And you do. It’s right there for you to take it. I know you, Race. I  _ know _ you. And I know deep down that you want that too. You just won’t let yourself have it.

“You know how I know you want Spot to be your boyfriend? Because I saw it with someone else. I saw it with you and Albert. It was the exact same thing. And I’m sorry to say this, but it’s time, Race. It’s time that you let him go and move on.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“No, Race. I’m done shutting up. It is unhealthy. Not just for you, and not only for the guys that fall for you, but for me too. Spot was my friend first. And now I’m forced to split my time between you and him. And I can see it already. I can see me having to choose between you two, and for now I will always choose you, Race. For now. But if you keep pulling this shit, you’re going to force me to choose him.”

“Choose him then. See if I care.”

“I want to choose both of you. I just don’t understand why you won’t let yourself be happy. You were happy with Albert weren’t you? And maybe that didn’t end well, but you were happy. You were in love. You had a boyfriend. You can have that again. You can have that with Spot.”

Race had tears in his eyes. He was tired of hearing Jojo talk. He was tired of all the arguing. But most of all, he was tired of hearing Albert’s name. And he was ashamed about it. They never talked about Albert because it brought up so much pain in him. The mention of his ex made him realize what a terrible person he was. It was as if he’d blacklisted it from his life. It was a trigger.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said to Jojo and got up. “Don’t ever fucking mention his name again.”

“Race…”

“No. Fuck you. Fuck you for comparing Spot to him. Fuck you for even thinking that was anything like this. Fuck you De La Guerra. Fuck you.”

With that, he left the country club, tears flying out of his eyes as he ran. He didn’t want to go home, but he didn’t have anywhere to go. He couldn’t think about Spot. He couldn’t think about Jojo. And he couldn’t think about…

He just kept running until he couldn’t run anymore. He felt like a kid again, running away from his problems. He thought to that little boy that lived across the street. Albert had been the first one to call him Racetrack. Albert had been the first one that made him want to stop running. Albert had been the first boy he’d kissed. The first boy he’d touched. The first boy he’d loved. But now he couldn’t think of him.

Race walked home. He had to stop running. He had to face his fears. Take baby steps. And the biggest baby step he could think of taking was coming out to his father. 

* * *

David still hadn’t said it back. Jack had even texted David, “Love you,” a few times, but David would just text back a simple red heart emoji. Jack hadn’t brought it up in any conversation and he didn’t seem to be bothered by it, but David was.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to say it. Of course he wanted to say it. But he also wanted to feel it. He just didn’t know what it felt like. He had never been in love. He’d had plenty of crushes, but nothing that had ever come this far. He really liked Jack. He enjoyed his company and his hugs and his kisses and being able to look at him knowing fully well that he was his boyfriend. But love?

He had tried to talk about it with Sarah but she reminded him that the only boyfriend she’d ever had ended up being gay. After everything that had happened, he was glad that Sarah had Spot as a friend, but was annoyed that he’d ended up pretty much using her as a beard. Then again, something told him he’d always find something to nitpick about Spot Conlon.

Summer vacation meant he was free to hang out with Jack as much as he wanted. Only, every time he was around him, he was reminded that he still hadn’t said...that word. He was worried that Jack was letting it stew inside and that one of those days he’d let it out and break up with him. David was almost preparing himself for it. One day he’d be ready for it and the other he’d tell himself he was overthinking it. He desperately needed to talk to someone.

The only person he knew who had ever said he loved Jack was Crutchie. David was still a bit wary whenever the three of them were hanging out together. He was always worried they’d make Crutchie feel like a third wheel. That feeling had slowly dissipated over time because Jack was never more affectionate to one over the other. Of course, David was the one Jack always kissed.

He texted Crutchie and went over to his place to talk. If anyone knew anything about love, specifically loving Jack, Crutchie would know. He’d made sure to tell him that it would just be the two of them and to not tell Jack. He panicked a little when he remembered he had to walk past Jack’s apartment to get to Crutchie’s, but the only thing he saw when he got there was a new tenant moving into the apartment across the hall.

Crutchie was already at the door when he got there. David thought it was funny how text messages could double as a doorbell. They hugged and Crutchie invited him in. He’d never been in Crutchie’s apartment, but it looked just like a copy of Jack’s. Crutchie’s room was even very similar to Jack’s except for the different posters and decorations.

“So what’s up?” Crutchie asked when they were both sitting on his bed. “Are we doing some early surprise party planning for Jack’s birthday or something?”

David smiled at that. That would be a fun excuse to use. As much as he wanted to talk about his issues, it was hard. He trusted Crutchie, but even so, saying the words out loud to someone was scary. “No. I’m having an issue with Jack.”

“What kind of issue?”

“An issue with my own feelings.”

“You’re not...breaking up with him, are you?”

“No. No. But...I’m scared he will.”

Crutchie seemed to understand without him even saying why, although the only thing he said was, “Why?”

“He uh...he told me he loved me.”

Crutchie’s face of understanding turned to confusion. “I would think that would make you feel the opposite. Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yes. Of course, but…I haven’t said it back.”

“You...you haven’t?” He looked even more confused then. “Well, if he only just said it, you have time.”

“He said it weeks ago. When the Delanceys were expelled.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

They were both quiet for a minute, both getting lost in their thoughts. David wondered if it had been a bad idea to come to Crutchie about this. He often wondered if Crutchie was still in love with Jack and somehow plotting their breakup. It was a ridiculous thought, but he had it in the back of his mind anyway. It was a symptom of his overthinking.

“Why haven’t you said it?” Crutchie finally asked.

David shrugged. “How do you know if you’re in love? Like...how did you know you loved Jack?”

Crutchie got that look of understanding back on his face, like he’d solved a difficult puzzle. He smiled, and David couldn’t help but think that was a smile reserved for love. Love for Jack.

“Come with me,” Crutchie said, and he got up, taking his crutch and his keys and leading him out the door. They left the apartment and went down the hall into the stairwell. Then, they walked up a flight to the very top. David was surprised with how fast Crutchie could climb stairs and wondered how often he went up them.

At the top, Crutchie opened a door that led out to the roof. “Welcome to our Penthouse,” Crutchie said.

David smiled. He’d never been up on the roof of a building before. He went to the edge and looked down. He was afraid of heights so he only looked for a second, but then he turned back to Crutchie. “So this is the penthouse you two are always talking about.”

“Yeah. It’s open to whoever lives here but we only get the occasional smoker or a new tenant. Usually it’s just me and Jack that come up here. It’s...our place.”

The way he said it made David think that it was special, not only to Crutchie but to Jack. He suddenly felt like he was trespassing. “Why’d you bring me up here?”

Crutchie shrugged and sat down on one of the lawn chairs. “I wanted some fresh air.”

But David knew it was more than that. If this was a place usually reserved for Jack and Crutchie...why had he brought him there? What was Crutchie trying to tell him?

“Come, sit.” He pat the stop next to him on the same lawn chair. David did so, his heart beating a little faster. What was Crutchie going to say? “How do you feel about Jack?”

“Huh?”

“How do you feel about him? You say you don’t know if you love him so...What do you know? What are the feelings that you for sure know are there and understand?”

“Oh. Uh…” He had to think for a second. “I mean, I like him. I like kissing him. I like cuddling with him. I enjoy his company.”

“What else?”

“I think he’s beautiful. I like to watch him sometimes. Sometimes he catches me doing it and...I like that we both kind of get embarrassed about it. And then we stare at each other knowing that we’re staring at each other. I could stare into his eyes forever really. Although...He usually cuts it short with a kiss. But I like his kisses. They’re sweet and soft...and then they become rough and passionate. I usually have to stop him then. Though sometimes I’m tempted to let him keep going…

“His art is my favorite. I don’t like looking at him drawing me, but I appreciate it. It’s romantic. He started to draw me a while ago, but I told him that he better not gift it to me when he was done. I told him I’d prefer one of the three of us. The three amigos. But anything he draws is great. I think it’s great that he can create so much with his hands.

“Those hands...I accidentally kissed them once. He didn’t seem to mind. I think he actually liked it. He teased me, asking if I wanted to suck on his finger. Jerk. I told him I didn’t because his fingers probably taste like…”

“Cheeseburger.”

They both laughed. David kept thinking, but he went quiet. He didn’t know what else to say.

“You know,” Crutchie spoke. “I felt the same way. Obviously, I’ve never kissed Jack, but...I’ve imagined it like that. Everything that you feel for him, I’ve felt too.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying...Your feelings and my feelings are the same. There’s no difference except you’re dating him. It sounds to me like you’re in love with him, Davey.”

David wondered if it was true. Was what he felt for Jack actually love? Not knowing what if felt like was what made it difficult to identify, but if he was being told by someone who knew what love was, that he was in love...then it had to be true, right?

And why couldn’t he be? Maybe he had expected there to be more drama like in all the books he’d read, and all the romantic comedies he’d seen, and all the radio dramas he’d listened to. But maybe it was as simple as that. Maybe he was just overthinking it and he really was in love with Jack. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be some big grandiose feeling, but rather something subtle and a feeling of just being comfortable around him.

“I...love him? I...love him. I love him. Crutchie...I love him.”

“Go tell him, you dork.”

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

David ran downstairs to Jack’s apartment and knocked on the door, ready to tell him that he loved him. He was ready to stop overthinking it and just go for it. Except no one answered the door. Part of him wondered if Jack was mad at him. But then he reminded himself to not overthink things.

Instead, he called Jack on the phone. There was no answer. As the call beeped, he wondered if he should leave a message. Was it better to say the words in person? What if Jack really was angry? He couldn’t take any chances. “Hey Jack, call me back. I want to tell you something. I want to tell you that...I love you too. I...love...you. I love you. But I also want to tell you in person so...call me back. Love you. Bye.”

He hung up the phone, smiling to himself. He had done it. He’d said it back. Well, through a phone. But the message was left. There was no going back. He tried not to worry about saying it back to Jack’s face. He knew he had to worry less. There was nothing to worry about. Right?

* * *

An hour earlier, Spot stood at the door of someone he hadn’t spoken to in a long time.

It took a lot of courage for Spot to face his biggest fear. Well, second biggest fear. Coming out to his mother was the first. The second was easier, but still difficult. He knew he had to do.

The last few weeks of school had gone without drama, though the LGBTQ+ club still felt somewhat off. The trust exercises helped when it came to meeting new people. He’d finally learned that the crutch boy actually went by Crutchie. He’d gotten hit on by Romeo before his boyfriend came to introduce himself. He was completely avoiding Race, though Race did try to get close once. But that wasn’t the problem. The problem was Jack.

Spot’s second biggest fear was facing what he’d done to Jack. He knew what he’d done was bad. He knew that he had to apologize. Even if it was years ago, Jack seemed to hold a grudge. He was visibly uncomfortable with Spot in the room, as if he was waiting for him to start throwing punches. Spot knew he had to make things right.

He knocked on the door to Jack’s apartment. He remembered where it was. The motorcycle parked in front of the building confirmed that he still lived there. Someone across the hall was moving in. The door opened and there was Jack. He looked surprised to see him, and then a combination of angry and scared.

“Spot Conlon...What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry.” There was no point in small talk. Jack remained silent. “I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry that I hit you. No, I’m sorry that I beat you up. I’m sorry that I did it in public. I’m sorry that I stopped talking to you. I’m sorry that I ignored you. I’m sorry that I blamed you.”

All the I’m sorries seemed to be overwhelming Jack. Spot knew he was overwhelming himself. But he had to keep going. He had a lot to apologize for.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you when you came out. I’m sorry that I hated who I was so much that I lost the best friend I’ve ever had. I’m sorry that I make you uncomfortable every time I go to one of your gay club meetings. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be honest with who I was when you needed me to. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to let you feel what you felt for me and that I wasn’t able to let myself feel what I felt for you. I’m sorry I pushed you away when you kissed me. I’m sorry I didn’t kiss you back. And believe me, I wanted to. I wanted to kiss you so bad. For a long time. I just felt...wrong.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“I know. Now, I know.”

Jack just stood there, still holding on to the open door. He relaxed a bit, letting some of his guard down. Spot knew that actions were better than words, and he knew that he would have to show Jack over time that he was better person. But at least this was a start.

“I know it’s gonna take time to earn back your friendship. I just want to let you know that I’m willing to put in the work and that I am very sorry. I can’t take back what I did, but I can show you that I’ve changed. That’s all I wanted to say.”

He nodded and Jack nodded back. Spot turned to leave but then Jack cleared his throat.

“So you’re gay huh?”

Spot turned back around. Jack had a smile on his face. He returned it. “Sure am, Cowboy.”

“You wear one cowboy costume for Halloween and you get called Cowboy for life.”

“At least I’m the only one. You’re the one that got everyone calling me Spot.”

“Yeah, let’s not forget who comes up with the good nicknames around here.”

They both laughed and for a moment Spot felt like it was the same as it had been years ago when they were still best friends. LIke nothing had changed. He knew that wasn’t possible, but he liked the feeling.

“Would you like to come in?” Jack asked. “Catch up?”

Spot raised an eyebrow. He hadn’t expected Jack to forgive him so fast. Then again, he hadn’t said the actual words. For all he knew, Jack was just inviting him in to beat him up as revenge. He would take it. He deserved as much. But Spot didn’t see Jack as being that type of person. He seemed more like the guy to beat up another guy for justice, not revenge. “Sure.”

* * *

As summer began, there were many possibilities in store. Possibilities to either go out and enjoy the sun, or stay in and enjoy the cool air conditioning. Summer was the sweet spot between a spring awakening and a fall asleep. Water parks were open and the beaches were full. Students enjoyed their break from constant studying. Sweat lathered up the dried up flesh of the living dead, bringing them back to peak liveliness. Even those who chose to stay inside had fun. Clothes came off. Music came on. All the cliches came true and new ones were born. New relationships, old relationships, new breakups, old breakups.

For David, Sarah, Spot, Jack, Race, Jojo, and Crutchie, the world was truly their oyster. When they had something to believe in, they just had to seize the day once and for all, and watch what happened.

To Be Continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the longest chapter I've written. With the next part, I'm thinking of making each chapter longer. I've been following 3 story lines per chapter, but I might do 4 for the next one, considering I'm adding 1 or 2 main characters. Of course, that might mean longer gaps between chapter postings.
> 
> Anyway, I'm still iffy about the ending, just because I put a lot of fucking Newsies references. I just thought it'd be funny. And I didn't know what else to put.
> 
> I'm already planning the first chapter of the next part, although I might not have it up until October or so. I definitely want to take a break and read through this one and make some edits. We'll see.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this! Love, Holden M. Grudges

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos and comments! Constructive criticism accepted. My tumblr is HoldenMGrudges if you wanna talk to me there.


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